Uranium Ore

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Uranium Ore is a faintly radioactive metal with a Half-life of about 4.5 billion years. It is used to make reactors, nuclear bombs, military armour and tank-busting ammunition. And now you can buy it on Amazon.

As such, the page is getting the ever-loving crap lulzed out of it by all and sundry.

MAW! PAW! BILLY BOB! GIT IN THE HOUSE!
Also helps you cruise for gays.
If only he'd had MOAR OAR! Call now to avoid disappointment.
By getting bitten by a radioactive spider. I thought everyone knew that.
RADIOACTIVE - You are this much of it.

Customer Testimonials

   
 
I learned later a federal SWAT team had been on call 24/7 for a YEAR just waiting for the buzzer to go off at UPS indicating a package was radioactive. Ours was the first one! Lucky us! Parking lot full of black SUV's and everything. A helicopter too for all I know.
 

 
 

—-Oz Survivor


   
 
Does anyone know if there's a cure for sudden tentacles? The cat's huge and well, doesn't really look much like a cat anymore. She still answers to Muffin though. However, if she rubs against my bare leg one more time her new name will be calamari.
 

 
 

—Blazinghussy


   
 
Every time I try to use this product, the Libyans show up and steal my Delorian.
 

 
 

—Zombiekiller


   
 
This Uranium Ore facial scrub has given my skin a beautiful glow! Unlike other facial scrubs commonly available in department stores and supermarkets, Uranium Ore gives you a glow that your special someone will be able to see in the dark!
 

 
 

—J.Arena


   
 
Imagine my dismay when I, much like a wide-eyed little girl on Christmas Day, eagerly unscrewed the cap to my very first container of Uranium Ore only to discover...that it had millipedes crawling around in it. Hundreds of them. And they're all radioactive, so of course they're each about as big as my cat. And with TWICE the legs. No thanks to you, Uranium Ore Inc, I have to knit god knows how many millipede snow booties. I mean...I have to. They're my pets now. They'll probably vomit radioactive bile all over me if I don't appease them.

Plus, as soon as I got this thing in the mail, the Libyans were all over me. And I gotta knit snow booties for THEM now.
 


 
 

—H.Perry


   
 
Ungainly shape and small size proved to cause wet hands and canoe actually seemed to go slower.
 

 
 

—Glyphjockey


   
 
Sent this as a Hanukkah gift to President Ahmadinejad. Got a thank you card back saying he loved it and I was his favorite infidel. Kudos to Amazon for a great product and fast shipping to Tehran.
 

 
 

—Robert Becker


   
 
You open the can and really all you see is a boring piece of rock in a plastic bag...
 

 
 

—J.L.Dibiasi, doing it wrong

Benefits To Modern Science Of Radiation

Cool Things That Still Aren't As Cool As Having Your Own Motherfucking Uranium

Order Your Can Now!

Link to Amazon.com page

Looking for some URANIUM? Click here!

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Uranium Ore is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

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