User:Anwar Sadat's Horny Ghost/Jenny McCarthy

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Jennifer “Critically Panned” McCarthy is a shameless whore, former drug addict, and porn star who will forever try to ditch her cocksucking ways to be a “comic actress”, bravely fighting her utter lack of any talent not relating to boobs.

Fledgling Whore

The cleanest Jenny McCarthy has been or will ever be.

Jennifer was born second of four daughters, making her father an abject failure at procreation. When she found college too difficult, she came to the conclusion that prostitution's ugly stepsister pornography was the best way to spend her life. She started out sucking cock at a local level before being called up to the major leagues of fucking on film for money, Playboy. She took home pornography's highest honor, Playmate of the Year, in 1994.

Holding up drugs in front of a group of Playmates was like holding up an arm to a cannibal tribe.


—Jennifer McCarthy, cannibal.

Laughable Film Career

Desperate for attention from her workaholic father, she decided to enter into the non-cocksucking entertainment industry. Staring in such hard hitting roles as "Glamorous Actress", "Sugar", and "Blonde Nurse", she subsided on meager box office returns until the studios caught on to the fact that no one wanted to see her hideous face unless it was stuffed with cock or contorted in cock-related ecstasy. Highlights of her abortive career include sitting in a pool of her own menstrual blood and eating her own vomit.

She went on to inhabit failed actress limbo for a number of years, guest starring as breasts in faltering TV shows, and gabbing on morning TV shows. She was picked up briefly as a sideline reporter and object of nigger lust for the NFL, the first time in several years she had balls in her face on camera. Sadly, being too vacuous even by the standards of American Football commentary standards, she was shitcanned.


Jenny McCarthy: Medical Authority.

With a Joke of a career in the toilet and her womb having only cock for company, Jennifer decided it was time to reproduce. A virtual inevitability of the host of STD’s Jennifer contracted being discovered, her spawn emerged from her cavernous vagina developmentally disabled. Desperate for an alternate explanation, Jennifer blamed neither her chain smoking nor her well documented drug abuse, but vaccines. After subjecting her child to alternately useless and dangerous “medical” procedures, she proclaimed him cured, although he still has a cognitive disorder. Being a credulous fuckwit, her website and twitter are stocked with every variant of batshit crazy under the Sun.

File:Jenny McCarthy - She Hits Me Book Cover.jpg
Jenny proudly displaying her curiously effective parenting methods.

The dumbfuck denial of her clearly retarded child's special needs is really a massive failure on her part. Any child not the mental equal of algae would be horrifically shamed by the legacy of whoring and dick-suckery Jennifer is leaving behind for her son. Happily, since her son is dogshit stupid, he will never have to confront his mother's shameless whore nature. He will never tearfully and pointlessly defend his mother's nonexistent honor to his schoolyard peers, never sip pinched brandy under his sheets to forget the first five Google results for his mothers name, never silently coil rope into a noose to hang himself in shame as any thinking human being would, seeing his mother spreading her ham wallet on the cover of Playboy.

Jenny's Career Pulls A Jesus

After falling to Z list celebrity status, Jenny decided she missed being ogled, and embarked on a crusade to regain relevance. As she has nothing to offer, she started kissing anyone in close proximity; New York police officers, seamen, and naked models rolling on EX on a beach, the usual. She wrote some books about parenting and doing drugs, just in case you wanted advice from an ex-junkie porn star conspiracy theorist as to how you raise your kids and snort your coke. For a much better and free guide on raising children, simply observe Jenny and do the exact opposite.

The Mecca of loudmouth diseased cunts VH1 picked up on her shenanigans and signed her for a late night show in a vain attempt to steal audience from the very slightly more talented nobody Chelsea Handler. It worked about as well as Jenny's autism cures did, and the show languished for six months before being put down. Failing to cut it in the cutthroat world of late night television, Jenny has now accepted her role as shriveled up has been, and signed on to the rest home of morning television, The View. Doubtlessly, she will stay the course of kissing, swallowing, and denying everything within arms reach until even the housewives and alcoholics that watch morning television get sick of her shit.

See Also

External Links

Keeping Jenny's score.
Her long and dignified acting career.