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- 1 DekoMan's long, long tale of drama; My history of joining the internet, becoming an attention whore up to the point where I don't give a shit anymore
- 1.1 2001-2006: The Dark Ages
- 1.2 2007-2009: Drama unfolds
- 1.3 2010-2011: The diminution of whoring
- 1.4 2012-2013: Not giving a damn and boring
- 1.5 2014
- 2 TL;DR
DekoMan's long, long tale of drama; My history of joining the internet, becoming an attention whore up to the point where I don't give a shit anymore
2001-2006: The Dark Ages
DekoMan and his family discover the wonder known as the Interwebs. It is a really dark time for these sacred people, as they need AOL to use it, which requires its shitty webbrowser to be open the whole time for a connection otherwise they are completely offline.
Nothing except for him playing Counter-Strike 1.0 with shitty POD bots the whole time because his interwebs sucks too much to play online.
DekoMan gets Half-Life 2. He is eagerly waiting to play it, only to discover the game needs a DVD drive for it to install which he doesn't have because he is a cheap fuck. After months of waiting he gets a DVD drive. Hoping to finally play the shit he then discovers it also needs a constant internet connetion for him to be able to play it which isn't the case with AOL's shitty service. He is pissed.
He can finally play the shit. In fall of 2005 AOL gets its shit together and it becomes more acceptable so he gets himself some Counter-Strike: Source to be able to play some online shit.
DekoMan gets an offer to join a CS:S clan after playing really well on a deathmatch server. Not realizing that anyone can be good on mentioned server he still accepts the offer, thus slowly starting his whoring for attention for years to come. In the summer of 2006 he is sick of the clan full of pussies and decides to leave, but not before causing some seroius drama about him being the best.
During this year he discovers torrents.
2007-2009: Drama unfolds
In 2007 DekoMan gets his Steam account banned by cheating on Counter-Strike: Source.
He then starts drawing shitty images on paper over the course of 10 months, mostly consiting of a muscular Super Mario and Luigi killing characters of the TV show Camp Lazlo with a chainsaw and stuff. This event leads him to the next big step in his history.
DekoMan joins deviantART (HOLY SHIT you know where this is going now). After having seen a random episode of Ben10 on the 19th April on TV he decides to make images about the character Ditto, who sucked balls but still. On the same month he gets Portal on a class trip to Berlin, which he fapped on for several months. In June of the same year he creates an account on YouTube, mostly uploading videos containing copyrighted material, including the episode of Ben10 he has seen a few months ago which gets removed only 10 hours later. He doesn't really do much there until a year later.
Now in the possession of the Source game Portal and with it a new Steam account, DekoMan finds the Empires Mod, which he plays for a while before he decides to register on the mod's forum. Here even more drama unfolds as he not only makes comments in the style of a 12 year old and advertises his shitty deviantART pictures in self-created threads, he also applies for the membership of an Empires clan. After noticing that nobody wants his fat ass in their clan he founds an own clan in September because he thinks having a clan tag in an username is cool and makes you better than everyone else. The clan gets deleted two weeks later.
—Mr.Bungles (* Username changed for consistency)
DekoMan starts a second attempt at creating a clan for Empires Mod. When noticing that nobody gives a shit about him anymore he hides his miserable fail under the cover of an "HAPPY NEW YEARS" joke, leaving everyone just rolling their eyes. Just two days later he is advertising a Steam group he created which fails within a week. He is now officially a faggot on the forums.
DekoMan's first major mental break down happens on deviantART after he notices he doesn't get enough attention with his 'art'. He thus deletes every image in his gallery, removing every 'friend' and watcher and writing a journal that dA sucks. During this period, he seeks attention by increasing his pageviews by favoring every image he sees on the front page and by running a proxy software that faked 50-60 views everytime he uses it, thus giving him 2.000 additional pageviews in just two days. After 2 months though he is back being serious again.
DekoMan gets The Orange Box (you see where this is going). After playing through Half-Life 2 again and its Episodes he discovers Team Fortress 2, opening a new can of delicious drama for him. After playing for several months he discovers people can be famous on YouTube by creating shitty GMod videos only consisting of the game characters being dumb and making faces in the shape of a vagina. Being too cheap to buy the mod himself he just gets it from a torrent site as well as a half-decent video editing software along the way to not be stuck with Windows Movie Maker.
After several videos he unintentionally creates a new fad character, which happens to be popular among all the mentally issued 9 year olds who are watching his videos. What is he all about? Just the nigger character of Team Fortress 2 saying 'See?' while pointing out very obvious shit and then blows up people. Of couse an own fan group on Steam to raise his ego is in the works at this point.
2010-2011: The diminution of whoring
His subscriber count on his channel reaches 1,000, making him very happy spawning a shit ton of videos celebrating the event as well as a news article on his fan group, which now has over 100 members. A few months after the revival one of his so-called internet-'friends' mentions that his forced fad character (which now appeared in every video he makes to not piss off the fanbois) appears on the Team Fortress 2 article on Encyclopedia Dramatica, thus getting him in contact with the site for the first time in his life.
After his mental breakdown on deviantART in 2009 he decides it is time for round two after realizing Team Fortress 2 is just a big pile of shit and so he deletes all videos related to the game and all of his subscibers, now having well over 1,900. This isn't for long however, as only two months later he starts making TF2 GMod videos again, after realizing that Sub4Sub wouldn't get him the attention he needed. He spammed at least 30 videos in one month, thus winning back 1,000 subscibers in that time.
This revival is short lived however, as in October of 2010 he stops making videos AGAIN, thus leading to the deletion of the whole account on the 9th January 2011 after wasting a whole weekend watching a special Avatar: The Last Airbender marathon on TV to make sure he isn't going to make another revival. He deletes his deviantART profile two months later.
When he decides to check out the site that mentioned his forced character in May 2011, he gets redirected to OhInternet, which leaves him pissed because even though he visited the site just once he knew after reading the whole article about Team Fortress 2 that the site was telling the truth about everything it had an article about. He finds ED.ch, which at the time was very unfinished and broken, but it still contained the original TF2 article he loved so much back in the day, so he digs in the deepest corners of the internet to find a backup archive of the site containing most of the many missing images and articles. His dedication to bring the site back to its former glory starts on the 1st June 2011 when he creates an account on the site.
Just when he is starting to realize that attention whoring is not good, he forgets about all that in the summer of 2011 when he starts to make a mod for Fallout: New Vegas, his new fapping material, thus leading to more drama. Working several months on the mod which aimed to improve the fucked up landscape of the game, he slowly becomes tired of running through the game world like an asshole looking for problems instead of just playing the freaking game. He then gives the mod to AWZ, a brony/attention whore who just added DekoMan to his Steam friends some weeks earlier to stalk him even though DekoMan is currently in the phase of his life where internet-friends are obsolete.
After realizing that the person he gave his mod to is a brony, he goes to the site-admins proclaiming he wants his mod back. After being successful, the brony raged on the website's chatroom thus gaining a massive banhammer from the admins. So what did he do after he got his mod back? He works on it for a week and after realizing people found out his 'new' versions of the mod are inferior ones of the brony versions he deletes the mod completely. He later bans himself by giving a clueless fellow user the tip to pirate The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim to not support jews. Apparantly he hasn't learned anything from the past.
2012-2013: Not giving a damn and boring
DekoMan thinks he has re-uploaded all images he could over the 8-9 months he was on ED, thus leading to him leaving the site. The experience he gained from the site however molded him so much that, after seeing and reading so many articles of people who shared the same fate as him, he swore to never attention whore again.
DekoMan gets into a job-creation measure for over a year which just consited of him driving 50km every day to sit on his ass and smoke with other people sitting on their asses and smoking. Sometimes they have to do some 'gardening' stuff but that's it. After the year, he still hasn't got a job making him a really useless piece of shit.
In May 2013 he gets invited to the beta-testing team of a mod after he showed the experience he gained from editing ED on their wiki and reporting hundred of bugs on their forums. This is short lived however as just a few months later the mod development is discontinued after one of the team members went batshit insane. To everyone's surprise it wasn't DekoMan this time.
DekoMan starts a self-experiment on deviantART to prove the site's complete obsoleteness. Disguised under the cleverly contrived username TheUltraAW he creates two true masterpieces of art depicting Super Mario and his brother Luigi. Shortly after the image upload he starts to add every image he sees on the frontpage to his favorites, leading to 15 watchers, 21 friends and 700 pageviews in the course of one week.
Now just sitting on his ass at home shitting on the toilet every day, eating, sleeping and having nothing better to do except for shitting, he upgrades his computer to do more stuff than just playing solitaire 14 hours a day.
He plays Far Cry 3, which he thinks sucks if it wasn't for a mod that made the game more hardcore, F1 2012 after reading it is a good racing game but totally sucked after the first 10 races even with a controller (good thing it was pirated), Warhammer 40,000 Space Marine, a game so boring he doesn't even finish the first mission (again, pirated), and finally games on a NintendoDS and GameCube emulator which ran like shit before the upgrade.
The last week of October he spends a week playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. After playing it, he finds out the game sucks balls because it was so easy he didn't die once (one time but he fell off a cliff) and the final boss the game built up to was not bad-ass but batshit insane and has smoked to much weed. The good thing though? He can confirm the following statement on ED's Zelda article is true.
So what else is there for him to do besides playing shitty games, shitting and fapping? While looking on his external drive he finds the archive he helped restoring ED with and in November 2013 he starts working on the site again.
He tries a second dA experiment. This time going undercover as MedinezZ he goes to the extreme to find possible nominees for a Sick Fuckery award. For this, he creates three masterpieces of art, one of a monkey with a pile of shit and two others with... just look at the gallery below. The masterplan this time was to live for one month in the internet dungeon of faggotry, mimicking the every day, typical behaviour of your typical tartlet perfectly.
The plan failed however, as only after 11 hours after the account creation it gets suspended for policy violation, as his masterpieces were reported for Sexualized Minor and Explicit Pornography.
In the end he earned 240 pageviews, 7 watchers and 7 llamas in those few hours.
He got a job, arghurblrghhurrblagurhurzurr .