User:Hipcrime/YOUR PET

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Even after my death, this cosmic floating head will still invite you to tell me about your cat

Tell me about your cat. Everyone on the internet has a cat, tell me about yours.

  • Please include pix, or links to pics, if possible.
  • Plz include age, or approximate age.
  • Try to include some details, like what you love (or hate) about your pet, age, fur/eye color, and maybe their personality.

Moar info: User:Hipcrime/YOUR PET/old.

User talk:Hipcrime/YOUR CAT From Encyclopedia Dramatica DOT COM

Kitty Love

Kitty Love Kitty Love being cared for by Ken Nekic, DVM, and his assistant

In 1986, when I was 18, I was given a Russian blue kitten. She had grey fur, gold eyes and was generally awesome. She was not a lapcat, she preferred to stay to herself. When she turned about 20, she started going blind-ish, and she became the lapcat I had always wanted. She would sleep in my armpit after her blindness set in. I loved my old girl. She would eat watermelon, and potato chips. Me and mom kept her fat throughout her life by feeding her tuna fish, which she loved. she died in March 2009, at age 23. I miss my old girl. A lot. -hipcrime 14:31, 22 December 2010 (UTC)

My cat

This is Doug, my cat.

You might remember me talking about my little kitten Doug. I originally found him in October as a stray. He was still a blind little kitten, lost from his mother in an empty street on the road. I picked him up so none of the cars would run him over, and he started following me. I was annoyed by this because I didn't want a pet, so I tried looking for his mother and the litter, but after 3 hours of vigorous searching, his mother couldn't be found. I felt guilty just leaving him there and leaving him in an animal shelter would also be bad idea. So then i decided to take him home with me. I had spend a lot of money on him on items such as cat milk, some toys, etc. which really pissed me off as I was saving that money for important stuff.

update: here is Doug in mid-2011

I called him Doug because he responded to that name(I wanted to name him jack. Seriously). Just as black cats are stereotyped to bring in bad luck, Doug lives up to it. He always wakes me up early wanting to play with me, he won't eat any of the mice I buy from the store just so he can kill them. Nothing. He also happens to cry a lot when I don't feed him. LulzTroll 00:19, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

Freya and Cayuga

Freya the silent assassin, not being a very good assassin. Cayuga spends most of her day attempting to roll over onto her other side. This was an unsuccessful attempt.


I have two cats, Freya and Cayuga. Freya is the more active one. We adopted her as a kitten and is 6 years old. She's very agile and friendly especially when it gets colder out.

She's part siamese, so she is quiet most of the time. She does meow when she's trying to get your attention or wants to go into the sunroom (they're both indoor only cats) but other than that she's completely silent. She loves getting scratched behind the ear and around her cheeks.


Cayuga was saved from the sleeping needle when she was 6 and is about 10 now. She's huge. When we adopted her the food dish they gave us that she used was bigger than any cereal bowls I've ever seen and the cup they scooped food with had to hold about a liter. Of course we don't feed her near as much as they did. I mean holy crap, she's a cat and they fed her like she was a horse.

Cayuga emits sound perpetually. She purrs constantly and loudly. If you pet her, she will purr. If she sees you, she will purr. If she doesn't see you, she will purr. When she's not purring, she's meowing (she's much more talkative than Freya) or snoring or chomping down food loudly.

She's very skittish. After like five years of living with Freya, she still runs out of the room whenever she's in it and hisses and growls whenever Freya walks by. They get into fights constantly. Freya sees it as just playing since she never uses her claws. Cayuga is declawed, and though her previous owners are the ones who did it and I don't support it, I honestly doubt we could keep her if she wasn't.

It's really sad, actually. You see all those pictures and videos of cats cuddling together or just sitting next to each other and I know they will never do that. Image:Aesomesig2.png DerSquirrel 02:50, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

La Gatta di Lord Crump

Mia is generally acknowledged to be the greatest cat ever spawned. My sister bought her but couldn't keep her so she gave Mia to me. Mia's favourite thing to do was sit and watch the goldfish for hours on end (never attempting to harm it; she was of course an avatar of Venus, goddess of peace) and whenever I tried to sleep at night she would spend the entire night trying to suffocate me until I hugged her like a teddy bear at which point she would purr; the effect of this was like having a lawnmower held up to your face. She was the smartest cat ever, as evidenced by her strutting theatrically like a pimp whenever she heard her name spoken in a certain tone of voice ("Mia, you are so smart, aren't you?"), responding with body language that clearly stated "fuck yeah". Mia was run over by the postman last year at the age of 9. My sister and I broke all his windows. I miss Mia. If you want a picture google image "Birman cat" you lazy fucks

   01:27, December 29, 2010 Lord Crump


Kwan in all his glory.

KWAN, (the Kat Without A' N'ame), was such a cute cat. Black and white like a squadcar, which somehow I think you're familiar with, hipcrime.

Kwan wasn't very big (he was fully grown and walked around at nearly 9 pounds) but he was smart like a dog. He could differentiate between his name and other words shouted excitedly; which is more than you can say for most dogs. But Kwan had a wild side. Before we got him fixed, he would want to go out every night, presumably to hop the backyard fence and fuck some cat hookers. So we got him fixed.

It was a painful experience for me, then a teenager, to see the balls ripped out of the family friend. So to commemorate the passing of his balls, we let him outside on his 6th birthday for old time's sake. It was his last night on Earth, and I've explained it to you in chat :'(

I am sorry but we don't have many good pictures of Kwan.

TylerRosenow→ ☎ ✉ ✍


My little brother's annoying fucking cat. it purs when you kick it, and comes back for more. i've tried to have the neighborhood dog pack kill it but they won't even touch it. Get it the fuck away from me. It's an orange bastard. 11u-max 03:58, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

Alexander ()

Fucking asshole.

My cat bitches all the time. He always intends on escaping by going up to the front door and meowing at it like a dick. I got him a few months back and when we drove home with him he was freaking out in his little box and had torn a huge hole out of the cardboard shit and when we brought it inside, half of his body was sticking out. Strangely enough, he got used to the place real fast. Owa, my brother's cat, didn't like him too much, though, but Alex was pretty mature in dealing with her at first. Now it's like I turn around and Alex is chasing Owa fucking everywhere. Once I found a bunch of Owa's hair in his mouth after he was playing with her. Oh yeah, they go everywhere when playing.

Also he frequently shits more than handfulls in my bedroom from time to time. - 04:32, December 23, 2010 Smithson (Jazeps)

Moose and Jay

Jay being adorable.

Our first cat was found behind my sister's workplace seven years ago, being fed scraps from the kitchen for a time until taken to our home. Moose's name was originally supposed to be Mouse (a bad attempt at irony by my sister, but the inept girl who made the tags put Moose on it instead and the name stuck. Being an abandoned cat for an undetermined amount of time, Moose knew how to hunt and over the years has racks up many mockingbird and sky rat kills.

Coming in a few years after Moose, Jay got rescued by my other sister. He was named after Jay from the Jay and Silent Bob duo; the name of Silent Bob was taken by an old pet snake of hers. Jay has been and is extremely shy and/or scared. Hiding under beds whenever new people enter the house, not many people besides close family have seen him unless dragged out by his tail. Jay is one of the softest cats I've ever known, his hair akin to a chinchilla's. The only bad thing about him is that he enjoys pissing on various things around the house. Both cats are healthy and living to this day. -- JailBait talk contribs 04:49, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

Henrietta Meow Meow

Henrietta in 2013

my mom's cat, Henrietta, is a ten year old female. she was my sister's cat, but mom has had her since she was two years old. her fur is mostly multi-shades of brown with a lil white and black. she has lovely gold eyes, and is not a lapcat. altho Henrietta has lived with mom since my sister got her at two years old, she didnt become mom's cat until my sister passed in 2008. my sister inherited the cat from her boyfriend who died in 2002. Henrietta likes to watch mom's hamster (another "inherited" pet) as he runs in his wheel. here is a video of Henrietta:

-hipcrime 06:53, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

Aussie my Bearded Dragon

Aussie eating a pinkie Hes about 3 feet long

I got a Bearded Dragon in May of 2009 from a teacher at my tech school that breeds reptiles. So I got him went to a reptile show down in Tampa Bay (Florida) during the summer to get a bigger cage. He's a fucking pain to pick up since I rarely picked him up when he was small since I didnt want him to get lost and die. I love feeding him crickets and pinkies; it makes me so happy watching animals eat other animals I just love it. I showed some girls a video of him eating pinkies but they were being women and said how it was an awful thing that I did, fucking pussies F_JUNK _DUMP 07:18, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

Mittens the Mitsubishi

Mittens excited to go for a walk. Mittens pouting because I won't let him on the sofa.

This is Mittens, my Mitsubishi/Chrysler mix. I adopted him a few days ago when I saw an ad on Craigslist. The person said they loved him but just couldn't take care of him anymore since they had too many other cats. He also looked quite abused and a little undernourished, so I took him home. So far he's been SUPER lovable. At first he was timid and kind of depressed but after a long bath and some good food he perked right up and now has an easy time keeping up with other cats in the neighborhood. I'm so proud of him! I'm saving up some money for a few surgical procedures he needs because of a bad valve, poor guy... but I'm about halfway to my goal and so he'll be perfectly healthy in a month or two and I'll let him go out more often. In the meantime, he thinks he's a lapcat but he's far too heavy, and often breaks the furniture and doorways in my house trying to find a more comfortable sleeping spot, like on top of the fridge. He LOVES the top of the fridge but it keeps collapsing. Oh Mittens, will you EVER learn? For Christmas this year I bought him an NVV-33 Slave Bondage Sex Kit, not for him to wear but for me. He's a very dom cat and likes to see me in my place. Sometimes I tie myself to the garage rafters and let him have his filthy way with me, then I fuck off to fetch him snacks. It's a very appropriate pet relationship, and a happy cat is a reliable cat.

He's mostly black with greyish paws, and has the cutest purr you've ever heard. :3 - 09:47, December 23, 2010 VolkStroker a car is fine, too.

Mein Katze, Jumbo Walfisch

This is Jumbo. He is very sensitive D:

Dies ist meine imaginäre Katze namens Jumbo Walfisch. Er ist der Besitzer einer sehr erfolgreichen noch empfindlich Enzyklopädie Website. Leider hat Jumbo nicht einen Job haben und nur er kann keine Gelder generieren wird durch Betteln Menschen und mit Spenden. Er will zur Zeit 10 Millionen Juden Gold und bisher Leute haben tatsächlich eingehalten werden. Obwohl er kein Jude, er hat sehr stereotype jüdische Eigenschaften und wird sofort aufschreien Diskriminierung, wenn du ihn gierig nennen.

Jumbo nicht wie andere Menschen und ist sehr egozentrisch. Er wird Kredite für Dinge, die er nicht getan hat oder Rechnung zu tragen. Jumbo ist sehr selbstverliebt und hat ein sehr großes Ego, er hat sogar ein Boot! Er ist sehr empfindlich und wird sehr deprimiert einmal beleidigt. Also bitte nicht über ihn lustig machen :'( LulzæTroll 21:56, 23 December 2010 (UTC)

My Cattens

Pinklepurr and Daisy. Friends Badger, funny faced little cat of mine.

I named my cat Pinklepurr, after the cat from my favourite poem as a child (by A.A Milne, if you're interested). She was a very vocal little black and white boyish girlcat who thoroughly enjoyed being the only feline in the house. All was good, then one day, at the end of summer sometime in '07, a very skinny black and white fluffy girl turned up on my doorstep feeling very sorry for herself. Pinks was super unimpressed with the uninvited house guest, and would follow Daisy around the house to make sure that she didn't play with her toys, or lay in the best spot in front of the fire. After a few weeks of intensive hazing, the two were besties and would spend all day, every day no more than a foot away from each other. Before long Daisy developed a big round tummy that was, of course, caused by five squiggling kittens, and I delivered them myself. It was pretty grim. Badger (looks like a little badger), Bagshaw (the biggest blackest cat in the world), Snaisy (lol u c wat i did thar), and two others that I had to give away due to lack of space (and obviously not wanting seven bloody cats. ONE. I WANTED ONE). Their names were Glitterglue and Christopher. This is not including the four or five strays I was feeding on a regular basis and their lovely habit of hanging around on my doorstep so the whole world knew I was bordering on crazy cat lady. The ones that stick in mind are max (black girlcat with a white moustache and a tendency to try and take over my house), Patch (boycat who had been almost loved to death by the kids next door, before they moved out one day and left him), Bobcat (tabby cat, hated me but loved the food) and a few others that didn't really have much to do with me, other than when I was feeding them. So, after I gave 2 away to good homes, down to five (not including my strays), I decided to find a bigger house and a more understanding boyfriend. Then we all lived happily ever after. With a siamese/tabby cross named Lulu.

More pics here.

I love you guises cats




This is Widget, she is awesome. Nothing else must be said. ◔ᴗ◔ 02:20, 24 December 2010 (UTC)

My two cats

My first cat Coco was acquired from one of my dad's friends whose granddaughter was terribly allergic. We got her ada christmas presnt with no warning whatsoever. I got up super early and went to my parents room, and they said that my presen was in the room and not wrapped. So then I walked past a chair and a cat shot out from under it. Sadly she died 12 years later when her kidneys failed.

MY second cat Gigi was procurd from a shelter in los angeles. She is tiny and th neediest cat in the whole wide world. PerpetuallyAroused 06:05, 24 December 2010 (UTC)


Cougar approaching me

Cougar is an elderly grey and white male who lives at the end of my alley. i thought he was a stray, but he lives outdoors, but belongs to an older man of about 65 or 70. it was only last week that i learned Cougar's name because i thought he was a stray, and i contemplated giving him a home with me. he is WRECKED. his ear is cropped, and one of his eyelids has been damaged. when i first met him, i drove past him as he was sunning himself, and i just HAD to have a pic, and i backed up, stopped the car, got out and took his picture. his reaction was to come to me. and that is when Cougar and i became friends. i am glad he has a home, but i sure woulda liked to swiped him if he was a stray. -hipcrime 00:39, 25 December 2010 (UTC)



Blackuns was a black half-Persian cat I got despite my Dad being allergic to cats. I’d been pestering my parents for a cat for months then, when I was 8, I was diagnosed with a serious illness I could have died from, so they bought me a kitty to make me feel better.

Apparently when my Mum was choosing which cat she wanted from the litter, she actually wanted Blackun’s brother because he looked like a full blooded Persian. However, my sister, who was 3 at the time, was playing with the kittens and liked Blackuns better because she could carry him around under her arm and he wouldn’t mind. His brother however, who was later adopted by my Mum’s friend, was a cunt who growled at and scratched children.

Blackuns was such a docile cat; he would sit on your lap all day purring if you let him. He always got into fights with the neighborhood cats though and we often took him to the vet with serious injuries. One day when Blackuns was twelve he got a scratch on his eye which became infected, so we took him to the vet. We found out his immune system was down because his kidneys were failing and he had about 6 months to live. He lived 2 weeks.

We found him in the back room of our house meowing in agony and lying, unable to stand up, in a pool of his own shit, but when I petted him, he purred despite all the pain he was in. So I did that all the way to the vets where we put him to sleep. --Entropy 18:42, 28 December 2010 (UTC)


Boonks in quite the party animal.

This is my cat 'Boonks'. His ridiculous name can be attributed to the fact that I was dim-witted seven year old when I got him. In his spare time he humps pillows. On several occassions he has attempted to smother my by lying on my face while I sleep, possibly trying to remove the head which was lying on his much-loved pillow.

--MudkipsPlz •Is watching you masturbate• 23:18, 28 December 2010 (UTC)

Router Cats

One cat leads to another... ...and another...

Ellsbury is a ~3 year old cat we took in at our last apartment from a neighbor, one of his seven kids (I shit you not, and they visited on the weekends and made so much fucking noise) was allergic to cats. His name comes from the Red Sox player of the same name and we decided not to change it. He is a literal ham of a cat, he will jump up on your chest while you lay down and try to bite at your facial hair. While not sleeping on my router or under my desk, he knocks over every, fucking cup of water you put on a desk, jumps into every box you put down on the floor, no matter how small they are compared to him, and tries to be a pain in the ass when all possible.

Calypso is a tiny kitty we took from neighbors in our current apartment whose outdoor cats (lol ghetto-ish neighborhood) created a litter of kittens and my girlfriend was convinced the other cat needed a friend (mind you, we had as many as six cats in our old apartment, three found new homes, one died of something, another had to be put to sleep, and Ellsbury came to the new place). While not being a complete pain in the ass, she plays fetch like a dog with little catnip puff balls and has mastered static electricity to shock you into playing with her while you try to use the computer. She also functions as a morning alarm clock when she clocks you in the groin at 7am running after the other cat.

--Deltax20a 00:12, 29 December 2010 (UTC)


Her name is Mischief.

I got my new kitten near around July or August 2010. She had moved a lot around the country with her brothers and sisters and we found her at the local vet. She is black and white with either brown or green eyes, I can't recall. Sorry there isn't a picture included. She is small but growing, not quite adult size. She flees at sudden movement so we have to be cautious around her, but she doesn't seem to mind my father and snuggles up to him in bed and goes to sleep with him on his chest. At about 4am every morning she will paw at his face and he will get up and feed her. When we first got her I used to play with her a lot and she would try and bite my hand, and I'd get her to get up and snatch a mouse with a bell on a string. She still does both of those things, but less biting which is good. We put a collar on her at first but the bell on it scared her and kept following her, obviously, and she freaked out all the time so my dad took it off. Usually we are walking around and she'll be right there and we will scare her by accident. She also has a litter box and we are house training her to poop and pee in the laundry but occasionally we smell something funny in the lounge or in any room with a door open. Anything else you need to know? :)

--memeladydeepthroat♥. 09:40, 5 January 2011 (UTC)



Oliver is a goddamn sweetheart. Only about 15 months at this point, he loves to bite the shit out of you when you play with him but he never scratches with his paws. And he ALWAYS wants to play, he never leaves me alone. He's very vocal and loud as fuck at that. We like to screw with him when he's being bad by filling his food dish, and then pulling it away when he's nibbling on wet food. He licks his lips, looks up, and makes the saddest little noise ever. He's fond of kicking around his water dish too. When I go to shower, he runs to the bathroom and insists on jumping into the stall before I close the shutter. He'll freak out the second I turn on the water and run out of the stall, at which point he'll start howling unless the door is open. He hates not having access to ANY room in the house, so we leave doors open for him unless we want to listen to him cry for hours.

He also likes to imitate birds in the morning, and has a huge set of balls. We snipped 'em, no need to further the chain of bad genes even if this cat rules. Image:socashsig.gif (talk) 00:53, 7 January 2011 (UTC)



The white cat next to the frog (Casci) is my cat. He's a drawing that came to life and constantly says "Meow" like "nya~" which is sorta cute. I love watching him lengthen and shorten his body. He can do this quite a bit and become very long. I like it when he smiles because he looks like :3 when he does. - 20:27, January 8, 2011 Negi Springfield


Hiei With his beautiful green eyes, and black and white fur that gave him a little bandits mask, he was the only thing I have ever loved. I got him from a friend, whos cats had given birth to a litter a few months before i got him, making there total number of cats somewhere around 14. Rather then let him go to the human society, i decided to take him, because i was very lonely. Hiei was an asshole. From the moment I got him home, he took delight in doing things like stabbing me in the dick while I slept, assaulting any bitch I brought home, kicking litter around for about 5 minutes after pissing, raping any other cat he saw, AFTER beating the shit out of it, and stealing your food if you didn't bitch slap him first. He greatly enjoyed being thrown across the room when I would leave for work every night, as well as being slapped around. srsly. little fucker just kept on coming, and was always trying to break my skin, though he wasn't man enough. Hiei died(i think), last year when i got kicked out of my place, and rather then bring him to a place where he would almost definitely be killed, i dropped him off on the side of a back road to live the rest of his days without me. Not a day goes by that i don't regret this. - 05:19, January 9, 2011 K6

Mahina, Tarja, and Adel

Mahina when she likes me!

Mahina is a cat my sister got from the neighborhood slut as a peace offering for being such a slutty bitch. She is a stunning calico and a snob. Her name means Moon in Hawaiian. My sister feeds her mint chocolate chip ice cream and lets her drink the milk out of her cereal bowl. If you have a bowl of cereal she will curl up in your lap and not leave until she gets the milk. Sometimes I drink all of my milk so she can't have any. I've always been under the impression that she hates me. She proved me wrong on March 1st of 2010 by birthing a kitten on my bed. Next to my face. While I slept. Bitch. Then I had to call like ten vets when it took her forever to snip the umbilical cord. It was a fucking hassle. It also caused me to be late for a job interview. But I still got the fucking job. So it all worked out. Ohai, its Tarja!

Tarja is the kitten Mahina decided to have on my bed. She is jet black, slim, and skittish. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the couch she will curl up between my neck and the couch and tangle herself in three feet of jet black hair which happens to belong to me. It gets painful when I have to get her out of my hair. Literally. She loves to play in the trash. She knocks the trash can over and plays with whatever falls out. It gets quite messy. One time she jumped onto my laptop, used it as a spring board and jumped onto my leopard gecko's cage. Or she tried. She ended up pulling it off of my shelf and breaking the glass and setting around 15 crickets free in my house. Marco was all like 'wtf..' Tarja was named after ex-vocalist of Nigthwish, Tarja Turunen. Lazy ass cat...

Last, but not least, is Adel. She is around the same age as Tarja. She is a tiger cat with pepper looking colour and black strips. She loves me and I love her. The neighborhood kids brought her to my sister when she was a kitten because she was sick as fuck and my 16 year old sister obviously has fucking money. So I took her to the vet and found out she had a kick ass upper respiratory infection. Vet's words, not mine. As a sickly kitten, Adel would sleep between my chin and breasts. Now she sleeps under my blankets in between my knees or right next to me. When I walk into my room she rolls over, meows, and almost always falls off of my bed. Actually, she is always falling off of my bed. Her favorite thing as a kitten was my shiny silver pentacle necklace. Now its anything she can put in her mouth and tote around. Like tampons, socks, panties, paper, cat toys, contact cases, etc. Adel was named after the lead singer for Within Temptation, Sharon den Adel

Smackthat 08:39, 9 January 2011 (UTC)

Evil Betty

Evil Betty is a black and white she-cat, and is so fuckin unlucky that I have to spend $400 dollars for her, the little shit. She was thrown over a fence to a couple of great danes at my old rental place, and they bit off her tail. I could hear her meowing, and had to grab her and take her to the vets. To make stuff short, she was fixed up for $400 or so and I kept her. 3 years later in the place I'm at now, she was run over by a bigassed landcruiser. Broke her hips, and burned most of the fur off her back. Another wad of my money later, we had to keep her in a desu basket next to my bed, and force-feed her what looked like pulped oats. If that's not enough of her 9 lives gone by now, she started getting constipated to the point of not even eating 4 months ago. I took her to the vet and got her checked out. Turns out she had a 5 inch, stone giant crap inside her. Amazing since cat rectums (lol, butts) aren't even meant to take an adult human's finger. $800 dollars and an operation later, she's with me again. I even got to keep the shit as a present. Great. AmeraZooike 12:49, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


This is from #carechats, apparently you said that it could go here.

[00:29] <+keyshawn> my cat diec :(
[00:29] <+keyshawn> died*
[00:29] <hipcrime> d:
[00:29] <hipcrime> D:
[00:29] <+keyshawn> ;_;
[00:30] <hipcrime> GO ON PLZ. TELL US ABOUT HER LIFE
[00:30] <hipcrime> NOT DEATH
[00:30] <+keyshawn> It was a he, actually.
[00:30] <+keyshawn> Anyways
[00:30] <hipcrime> OK
[00:30] <+keyshawn> I brought him from a friend, he claimed he didn't want him anymore
[00:30] <hipcrime> TELL US ABOUT YOUR CAT
[00:30] <Kloud> I KILLED IT
[00:31] <hipcrime> WHAT WAS HIS NAME
[00:31] <hipcrime> AND WHEN DID HE DIE
[00:31] <hipcrime> WHAT COLOR WAS HIS FUR
[00:31] <hipcrime> AND EYES
[00:31] <+keyshawn> Approx. 4 years
[00:31] <Kloud> when i rape it. yesterday.
[00:31] <+keyshawn> His name was james
[00:31] <Kloud> his fur was red when i was done.
[00:31] <+keyshawn> fur color was black
[00:31] <+keyshawn> it was a black cat
[00:31] <+keyshawn> eyes were green
[00:31] <+keyshawn> but they did change at times, i dont know why
[00:32] <+keyshawn> he died like 2 years ago
[00:32] <+keyshawn> he got hit by a car, apparently he was acting like an asshole
[00:32] <hipcrime> AWWW
[00:32] <+keyshawn> So yeah,
[00:32] <+keyshawn> The End.
[00:32] <hipcrime> WAS JAMES A LAPCAT
[00:32] <+keyshawn> ;_;
[00:32] <+keyshawn> well
[00:33] <+keyshawn> not really
[00:33] <hipcrime> ONE THING
[00:33] <hipcrime> :3
[00:33] <+keyshawn> lol
[00:33] <+keyshawn> lets see
[00:33] <Kloud> HE FUCKED ME
[00:33] <+keyshawn> He'd scratch on my door every morning
[00:33] <+keyshawn> just to wake me
[00:34] <+keyshawn> I don't know why, but he sure did.
[00:34] <+keyshawn> And I mean, every morning.
[00:36] <hipcrime> AW
[00:36] <+keyshawn> lol your welcome
[00:36] <hipcrime> THAT IS A SWEET STORY.

- Keyshæwn • huh? 05:56, 17 January 2011 (UTC)


My cat's name is faggot. She is sometimes referred to as cat, kitty, or faggot asshole. she is the dumbest asshole in the fucking world and eats cardboard. My mom tries to come in this bitch and call her "daisy" but im like naw bitch her name is faggot. then i punch my mom in the fucking face for being a whore. my cat also enjoys eating rocks and clawing at my eyeballs when im sleeping.

this bitch will murkk yo shit

--CUNT DESTROYER•Talk 01:44, 21 January 2011 (UTC)

note: Faggot/Daisy is a lovely cat. -hipcrime 08:52, 17 August 2011 (UTC)

Amalie and Zoe

Not cats, but they purr like them.

Amalie and Zoe are guinea pigs. They aren't cats, but close enough. They make purr noises when they're happy. Amalie is the gray and white one. She is fat. She licks my hand a lot and is friendly. She was raised since she was a babby pig, so that's why she's friendly. Her favorite thing to do is poop everywhere and eat hay. She stands on her hind legs when she's hungry. Zoe is the orange and white one. I got her for my mom. Unlike Amalie, she is very shy, loud, and doesn't poop everywhere. We adopted her, she came from a shitty home where they kept a bunch of guinea pigs in a back of a pickup truck. They don't really get along, they make "chatter" noises when near each other. Pink Poodle 13:15, 22 January 2011 (UTC)


My cat Noelle is a medium length haired tuxedo cat. Yellow eyes. She had an older sister named Nelly, but they went outside one day and Nelly never came back, now I am like super protective of Noelle because if I lost her too I would be quite upset. She is about 5 years old. She hates being held, but will let you scratch her head and back forever if you were so inclined. She is really affectionate as long as you don't pick her up lol. Also she likes to watch Ellen in the mornings. Noelle is very vocal and will meow at you to get what she wants, whether it is going outside, or if she needs food, or if she wants to be let in/out of a room, I know she wants something by her meow. It's funny if I have someone over to spend the night she will totally get territorial of my bed (where she usually sleeps) and she gets all pissy. I end up having to put her out of the room, but she will end up meowing for hours on end in the middle of the night so I let her back in the room and by then she is usually more forgiving to my guest and gives up some room in the bed ;) --zaigertalkplx 14:51, 22 January 2011 (UTC)

Lakshmi and Rekha

Let me introduce you to Lakshmi and Rekha. They are my house cats, and they do my bidding. Personally, I feel they are superior to normal pets, simply because they clean up my shit and feed me.

Lakshmi is the fat, alpha servant. She leads the pack, and orders the other one about. Also, as is true for all middle management, when shit goes wrong, she's the one that gets hit and yelled at. She has rather dark coloring, which she uses to sneak about in the shadows. She literally steals the smaller servants food, and I have to deal with that shit every. single. day.

Rekha is the smaller servant, seen here perched in the submission position. If I had to choose between them, she would be the one that I would use as a sex slave. There was a third servant, Anita, who was actually fairly attractive, but she got knocked up and I got rid of her. Rekha has a voice like Gilbert Gottfried, and on more than one occasion, in a drunken rage I have told her to stop talking forever because her voice makes me want to die.

Totally yearly cost for two full-time servants: $1200 (including necessary vaccinations, trips to the vet, kibble, and chew toys).

   16:44, February 3, 2011 Evilmatcha 


Say hi to hipcrime buddy.

WildCat is my 4 and half year old male cat. His name "WildCat" is pronounced as a single syllable, you must say it very fast or he wont acknowledge your existence. When spoken correctly it sounds like a odd noise. WildCat is always down to play. Sometimes I pull my hand inside the sleeve of my jacket to protect it from being bitten and clawed I then use my entire arm to play fight with him. Using ribbons or shoes laces will result in stunning aerial acrobatics. In the mornings hes very talkative. I haven't the slightest clue as to what hes saying but he seems to like the fact I meow back. These morning convos happen in the kitchen and usually last around 2 minutes. He spends a lot of time on the stairs. I feed him mostly Friskies dry food and the occasional wellness healthy indulgence pouch food. He refuses to eat any food that comes out of a can but will come running to investigate every time the seal of any pop-top canned food is broken. Once in a blue moon I will intentionally allow moths to come in my house by leaving the back door open for a hour or so. He really enjoys a good moth hunt. He doesn't like going outside much but really enjoys sun bathing on the window sills and stairing out the window. CantHurtSteeL 03:34, 10 February 2011 (UTC)

Finney's Cats

Ava and Bucky

I have two siamese that aren't very siamese-like. The blue point is Ava, a fat female, who is the most loving and pathetic cat in the world. She has no teeth anymore due to an infection. She never stops purring ever. The male is a chocolate point named Bucky, but not after "Get Fuzzy" because I didn't know it existed. He is really twitchy and only likes to be pet while he's eating, and it kinda dumb. He's also cross-eyed. They are the laziest cats on the planet - apparently siamese sleep 20 hours a day. Here is piccy

   10:01, March 20, 2011 Finney 



Zan was a happy cat, spending many Sunday afternoons being barked at by the neighbor's obnoxious dog. While I am uncertain about his day-to-day activities (as I was in high school at the time), he seemed to enjoy sleeping in odd places.

However, in July of 2009 he was hit by a van and died shortly after. :(

--Meepsheep 03:17, 28 March 2011 (UTC)


The devil.

Smokey is an evil cat. He has a short temper, he likes to attack me even if I just walk past him. He likes to hiss until he gets the food you're eating, and he meows until you pat him. He's about 7 years old (I think) He's also very protective, and hates my other pets. If you stand up while he's sitting near you, he will follow you and meow until you sit back down.

--MIchelle 03:42, 28 March 2011 (UTC)

Free Encyclopedia Dramatica


i live in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other bachelors and a cat named Esmerelda. Esmerelda is a black cat with lovely green eyes. since she sorta belongs to the house, she is my cat, at least for now. she is about 4 years old, and is very small for her age. she is skittish, BUT once she knows you, she will sit on yer lap and let you pet her all day. -hipcrime 08:30, 18 May 2011 (UTC)


My cat is named kiki, she was a stray, I don't know what breed, she's orange with white stripes. My sister calls her Kikachu.

She rocks.

Sketch 02:40, 7 December 2011 (CET)



This is Frodo. He was a stray, and had most likely run away from an abusive home. He also has digestive issues and can only eat specific brands of dog food.

He's worth it. 06:48, 11 December 2011 (CET)


GOB WAS HERE Cat seven years old and very cute. No pics yet. 00:39, 25 January 2012 GOB

Yeah okay I'm game

But you get the same content I already made, minus the status updates.

Police.gif Spoiler: They're all dead.

Mike's One-Too-Many Dogs About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Cats Are Better Anyways About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Other things

Also please note I omitted some of fucking everything because fuck I don't have enough film on my digital camera for everything. Mike the Græt (Talk) 20:13, 2 February 2012 (EST)

Templated. It will update now. Mike the Græt (Talk) 20:14, 13 February 2012 (EST)



Sebastian Equivamp.jpg

Sebastian is an old chihuahua. When I first moved here he was my first pet. He's actually a hairy chihuahua but we shave him in the spring. He can do tricks: sit, stay, rollover, and play dead. He refuses to shake, though. He likes to use me as a kleenex and has skin allergies so he's always up for a good scratch. He's a purebred and is brown with white markings on chest and toes. I love my puppy even though he snores. :3

460px-EquivampbySwiftpaw.jpgEquivamptalk 20:15, 23 March 2012 (EDT)

Untitled kitten

Unnamed kitten ;_;

Keemobobo‎'s Cat


I dont know what to write? She slept and ate xD She never liked it when i read instead of paying attention to her.

I miss her...


Wilson is my favorite cat ever. My dad brought him home on Christmas morning 8 years ago, and he grew up to be the calmest, most passive creature you can imagine. He's about the size of a kitten and meows like a girl. He's also obsessed with treats. He knew how to sit on command at one point, but I don't think he remembers how to do it anymore. 19:54, 4 September 2012 (EDT)


Boo ~ 301112
Catnip'd up... 051212
Tunnel Time... :3
"Oswald was a fag."

This is Boo... I didn't name her but she's already 4yrs old so it probably isn't 'good form' to change it now. She used to reside with some ungrateful cunts who've recently decided to move to a smaller place and take only their younger, sexier, kitten... fucking pedos.

After getting to my place she burrowed into a pile of shoes in the hall... I sorted her out a bed but she then decided to go and wedge herself down the side of the toilet. She spent the first night loitering between the hall and bathroom; I went for a piss at about 0400hrs and she was inside the bath. As the new day dawned she became a little braver and ventured into my bedroom... before leaving for work she was investigating the living room and searching out the bits of dried food I stashed about the place.
So far she likes:

  • Eating food
  • Being brushedGone off it apparently. 16:26, 4 March 2013 (EST)
  • Sitting
  • Going apeshit on a toy mouse

- Mr.Jonzz Jonzz.png 01:15, 1 December 2012 (EST)

Update: She now likes playing in the living room and sitting on the sofa... :D

Moar likes:

  • Faux mink rugs
  • Brown string
  • Catnip
  • Brown string
  • Brown string
  • Brown string that's been stored in a bag of Catnip
  • Pooping
  • Catnip
  • Brown string

- Mr.Jonzz Jonzz.png 06:00, 6 December 2012 (EST)

Update: She's discovered that it's easier to sit next to my head and poke me in the face with her paw than it is to wait for me to wake up properly.

Moar likes:

  • Mayonnaise (sans chili-sauce)

- Mr.Jonzz Jonzz.png 16:26, 4 March 2013 (EST)

Update: I bought a collapsible three-way tunnel for her and she very much enjoys running back and forth through it; she also likes just sitting inside the entrance/s of the pipes after the sun's been shining on it for a bit... :D - Mr.Jonzz Jonzz.png 10:54, 29 March 2013 (EDT)

Update: Boo has overcome her fear of loud noises (buses etc) from outside and now very much enjoys looking out of the window... she's even been all the way out once; which I admit was a little hairy... I was waiting for a bird to come along and her take a flying leap but luckily she stayed firmly rooted to the ledge. In other news she's having fun chasing the flying critters this hotter weather is bringing out... fly, moth or bee, she isn't fussy. Mr.Jonzz JNZ.png 20:45, 10 June 2013 (EDT)

Raging Bull Boo
:3 • Mr.Jonzz 06:11, 16 June 2014 (EDT)


My baby

A video of him

And another

Ok, so, I hope you don't find this creepy, but, I have a cat I can add to the page. I have had four or five cats total, but, this is probably the most hilarious one.

So, his name is Cookie. He's about 11 years old. We think he's a Maine Coon mixed with other things,but, we don't know for sure. He came from a humane society.

Cookie likes to eat and he's social. He recently learned how to play fetch, he drools, sleeps, moans, and snorts. He's extremely obese ,but, he's really sweet c:

His eye color is a gold-ish green color and his fur is grey with a tan-ish color on his belly. Cookie is a Male. He isn't a lap cat at all,but, he enjoys people. He likes to bet brushed sometimes, and he loves cat treats.

He has joint problems so he sleeps a lot during the winter.

--UsmellLiekButt~Shoopdawoop6 17:54, 2 March 2013 (EST)


My other cat that is living is named Max. He's a small Manx that we got from a local shelter in December of 2011. He is a male and has a large variety of fur colors. He has white markings and socks with blacks parts that have brown and orange mixed in. He has patterns on his coat c: He's about a year and a half old. When we adopted him he had a brother and a sister at the shelter too.

Max likes to wrestle with Cookie as well as go outside and watch birds. He likes catnip and playing with toys as well as cardboard boxes and paper bags. He has green-goldish eyes.

Max likes to play with his toys. He can play fetch as well as Cookie.

Max cat.jpeg

--UsmellLiekButt~Shoopdawoop6 17:54, 2 March 2013 (EST)


>pix, or links to pics, if possible

wtf r u doin?

>include color of eyes and fur
Not sure. Black, white and light brown?
>Male, or female
[ ] Male [x] Female
>age, or approximate age.
>some details, special memories you have, and whether the cat was a lapcat, or more distant.
My brother's cat but it lives with me. It only wants attention is when I am talking on the phone. That's about all.

Schnookums Ferrets.jpg

P.S. Ferrets are much cooler. Schnookums Icon3.png 19:58, 15 May 2013 (EDT)

Persephone Puff 'n Fluff

This is one of my kitties! I was very lucky to get her. She's a pure bred "rag doll" and normally they sell for upwards of $600 bucks a pop from a reputable breeder (about what you'd pay for a Scottish Fold or a dwarf kitty). Basically I was checking the local humane societies website EVERY single day, religiously, for nearly two years straight before she popped up. I just ~barely~ got her too because while I was filling out the paperwork another lady came in with the same intention...basically beat her by about three minutes! Apparently, originally, there were actually like six or seven of them, that were confiscated from an illegal breeder, but the humane society staff basically got "first dibs" and she was the only one left for actual adoption after they took their pick.

Anywho, I named her "Persephone" in relation to the Goddess, which is supposed to be a kind of "in-joke" in how many religious people think I'm Satan himself, or the "full embodiment of the anti-Christ" at best. I usually just call her "Puff" though as a nickname, or "Puff 'n Fluff" or sometimes just "Fluff".

As a "rag doll" she has incredible, uber soft, rabbit fur like hair. Downside is that as a result of specifically breeding them that way they often have various skin problems, so like she gets pretty bad "cat acne" (way worse than human acne) and I have to keep her face all scrubbed on a daily basis and use this cream stuff on her so she doesn't break out. It's a lot of work and effort, but VERY worth it! --Onideus File:Sig Rainbow Clouds.png 22:20, 15 May 2013 (EDT)

3 cats

In about 2002(I was about 7), I found a stray callico and named her Meow Meow, she had a couple of litters over the years and eventually ran away. These are the three that we didn't give away.

From left to right, Tiger, Callie and Ebony.

  • Here is Callie, I decorated her for Christmas one year.She's the smartest of the bunch,but hogs all the food so she always has a round stomach.Like a bowling ball with legs basically. --Boudica 23:02, 19 July 2015 (EDT)


21:51 < poko> homicide: tell us about how your kitty lost an ear
21:51 < poko> if you know
21:51 < poko> the one in the potatofuck gif
21:51 < poko> which was hot as fuck btw
21:52 < poko>
21:52 <@homicide> oh
21:52 < poko> feel free to add
21:52 <@homicide> she got into a fight with a raccoon
21:52 <&BMO> [ User talk:Hipcrime/YOUR PET - Encyclopedia Dramatica ] -
21:52 < poko> daw
21:52 <@homicide> and it took a chunk out
21:52 <@homicide> and she just kept scratching at it
21:53 < poko> aw
21:53 <@homicide> makin a godawful mrooorwoorwr sound the whole time
21:53 <@homicide> took her about 6 months to lose the damn ear completely
21:53 < poko> :<
21:53 <@homicide> then she started having seizures and we put her down with 2 units of insulin
21:53 < poko> did it get necrotic and stinky
21:53 <@homicide> not really
21:53 < poko> OMG
21:53 < poko> ;_;
21:53 < poko> truely sorry for your lots
21:53 < poko> srs
21:53 <@homicide> she would shake her head in cat fashion though
21:54 <@homicide> and troll us with chunks of head scab
21:54 < poko> :D
21:54 <@homicide> the fridge (where the food dis was in front of) looked like a war zone
21:54 <@homicide> i didnt get that much blood on the house when i got shotr

rip in potatoes karo


--Homicide 23:10, 19 July 2015 (EDT)

An anonymous tabby cat

She is the negation of sadness. Rarely is she sad are rarely can one be sad while in her presence.  —Lolyunohavgudsoftware 05:40, 8 December 2015 (EST)


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Posey the morning after we got her

Posey is estimated to be about eight years old and might be pregnant (we're not sure yet) she's just fat. My roommate found her on Pearl St in Boulder while he was really drunk and brought her home so we fed her, cleaned her up, and she's been living here ever since. She definitely has an attitude and can be a bitch sometimes but she's also a sweetheart. She's named after a Mission Hill character. The best girl there ever was.png 17:14, 18 May 2016 (EDT)

Piggy & Piggles

Moar info: User:AlGore/cat.
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RIP, 2000~2011 Most badass, strong, loyal kitteh ever. So many good memories. Fucker always followed me around. Sadly my dad is a piece of shit and wouldnt let Piggy in the house so he was an outside cat until 2007 when I moved in with my other parent and she let him be inside. Before this, Piggy always came home covered in wounds and scars. From 2007 to 2010 he was my true nigga, always groomed me, guarded me, he was like a lion. He died at the age of 10 or whatever, mainly because all the abuse my shithead dad put him and us thru. Not a day goes by that I dont think of my old kitteh. I was there when he passed away, and I dug his grave.

Then we got this little fucker, a few months after Piggy died, in late 2011. He's nowhere near as cool as Piggy was. A spastic, paranoid weakling.

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AlGore 03:55, 16 August 2016 (EDT)

My Cat Butterball

She's a tabby who's 1 years old and loves to eat, and when disappointed will consume the one who disappoints her.--Conservative-retard 11:36, 3 January 2017 (EST)

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my cat