Walking Simulator

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Moar fun than any walking simulator

Walking simulators are "video games" that are over glorified time wasters that involve nothing more than using your left analog stick to walk and occasionally pressing a button to talk or interact. Frequently the people who make these visual abortions wish desperately to be the next Federico Fellini. However many of these no-talent hacks whose scripts wouldn't even be used in a Ron Jeremy flick thrust their ideas on the video game medium because gamers have real discerning tastes. This genre of game is well known for its limitless replay value. Like FMV games of the '90s they like to use shitty actors to do voice overs.

List of walking simulators

Heavy Rain

The look you get on your face after you play it.

Heavy Rain was made by the pretentious smelly frog David Cage. It's a walking simulator where your kid gets kidnapped and the story has an identity crisis. It doesn't know if it wants to be a mystery, Film Noir or fucking sci-fi. The story itself (if you actually played this turd) makes about as much sense as dipping your genitals in boiling oil (something you'll want to do too once you see how the game ends. SPOILER: THE DETECTIVE DID IT!)

Gone Home

Uhhhh, spooky

Welcome to purgatory: the game. You play as some cunt trying to look for your family in the most cliche setting for a game evars, an empty dark house on a stormy night. This might actually be scary if shit happened, but all you do is open drawers like a nosy asshole. Amnesia this ain't.

This game is most well known for bribing sites like Kotaku and Polygon to get teh good scores.

Everybody's Gone to the Rapture

In this groundbreaking walking simulator for the PS4, you walk at a blistering 1 mph and you run at 2 mph, making playing it a billion times more painful than hitting yourself in the nuts with a ball-peen hammer. It is the only game in history where ants and turtles walk faster than you. In it you try and find where everyone has gone but you later learn that you are playing tag and everyone out runs you.

Ether One

I don't remember what this game is about.

The very short list of walking simulators that won't make you want to pop your cork

  • Amnesia
  • Gravity Bone
  • Jazzpunk
  • Myst - The walking simulator before they were animated.
  • The Stanley Parable
  • Thirty Flights of Loving

Keep in mind that all these games are as short as your cock, so be sure to pirate the shit out of them (unless you like wallet rape).

See also

External links

List of walking simulators on Steam

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