What is a man?

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Atomic.gif Warning!
Dracula got it wrong!



   
 
What is a man? To me, a man is a male who is moderate in his drink and selective in his women, Charles.
 

 
 

—Judith from the lulzy ghost story, Jade Green

This highly successful meme comes from Konami's Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for the Sony Playstation, a game where you play Alucard (no, not the one from Hellsing), the son of Dracula, who goes through his father's castle to get revenge on him for all the years he was sexually abused.

But the aforementioned meme comes from the game's opening, where you briefly play as Richter Belmont, and kick Dracula's ass using a whip, a cross, holy water or knife. Upon entering Dracula's lair an argument between vampire and vampire hunter begins. This conversation has some of the worst voice acting this side of 4Kids, as if it wasn't lulzy enough. We also learn that Dracula is an atheist. Before Dracula begins his attack, he utters the immortal line:


   
 
What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!
 

 
 

—Dracula, unaware that he is about to get pwned again

A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SAUCE!

The videos

The original sauce, complete with hilariously bad voice acting.



The updated version for the PSP, minus the lulz. At least Dracula's voice and lines don't fail as hard.

The text

For those of you who are too lazy to watch the vids, here's the lulzy conversation in its entirety:

Richter: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!
Dracula: It was not my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans, who wish to pay ME tribute.
Richter: Tribute? You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!
Dracula: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.
Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.
Dracula: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!

PSP Version:


Richter: Dracula. Die now, and leave this world! You'll never belong here!
Dracula: Oh, but this world invited me. Your own kind called me forth with praise and tribute
Richter: Tribute? You're a thief! You steal men's souls, their freedom...
Dracula: Freedom is always sacrificed to faith, good hunter. Or are you truly here by choice?
Richter: All I'm here for is you. To hell with your heresy! You're nothing but a blight on mankind.
Dracula: Ha! Mankind. A cesspit of hatred and lies. Fight for them, then, and die for their sins!

Perhaps the same could be said for all Media...

YouTube Favicon.png Dracula and Richter in Ye Olde English

YouTube Favicon.png The IWBTG Version

See also

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