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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Wiggers are what you get when you travel a decade back in time to retrieve what was barely cool about hip hop then, clad it with a Tommy Hilfiger shirt from the JC Penney clearance rack, give it the keys to Mom's car, and send it to the local strip mall to mean-mug everybody while blasting commercials from the local hip-hop station on 6 x 9 factory speakers.
Wiggers start off as helpless dickwads forcibly ejected from one of other cultures resulting in them spending some time floundering in cultural limbo before developing a powerful sexual attraction to Eminem. After a dark night the soul spent throwing himself around his bedroom with a blacklight on while pining for Marshall Mathers' scrotum, he emerges reborn, wearing Dad's oversized Lee jeans, a fake gold chain, and a desperate need to ingest loads upon loads of black culture. After that, the wiggerling proceeds to limp around the neighborhood as if this laughable farce has been his persona all along. Any critics get shouted down for being playa hatas. Persistent critics are threatened with a pellet gun drive-bys or other frightening forms of impotent retaliation.
The saddest, most pathetic spectacle in the world is a wigger who has decided to continue his wiggerdom after getting his first cock in the ass from another wigger. What was once potentially pitiful yet harmless has now progressed into fully-fledged morbid self-delusion. These aging degenerates can often be found hanging around the parking lot of my condominium complex, leaning against their fat girlfriend's car, and narrating the same fight stories to a new generation 15-year-old wiggerlings who look on in wide-eyed admiration at this pot-bellied O.G. poseur as if he were Robert Van Fucking Winkle himself. Thus the cycle is continued.
Things to keep in mind about wiggers include:
- Don't smoke with them. Wiggers waste weed due to them taking pussy hits and not knowing how to roll it
- Wiggers pretend gang warfare is present in their suburban neighborhoods, despite the only threat being that their weird uncle might not buy them beer.
- Wiggers are a creation of the Jews to destroy white supremacy wherever it may begin to take hold. What white person can feel superior about their race with these wannabees around?
- All wiggers like taking it up the ass, but not as much as making pathetic raps, as they think that talking about nothing in their native accent means they are set for life. Fortunately, wiggers soon realize how small their dicks are compared to a Niggers', thus deplete own their standards from "I want to be a rich rappa' with all the bitches and homies" to "Man, does this punk I just met on da street think he rap betta' than me?" (they move unto rap battling).
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Most wiggers fail to understand the painfully obvious fact that they are not and will never be black. When confronted with this fact, the wigger's usual response is to call you a "hater", or claim that "race isn't a matter of blood. It's a matter of how you act." In doing so, he ignores two facts. One, that race is in fact entirely about "blood" (i.e. genetics); and two, that nobody likes black people, not even other black people. It is highly encouraged to not attempt to confront wiggers, otherwise you'll end up with responses like this:
—Notice the appropriate use of punctuation
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- Chavs: British version
- Bogans: Australian version
- Bitches don't know
- Suburbs: Where all wiggers live
- Wapanese: Whites pretending to be Asians
- Beastie Boys
- Don Henrie
- Hollywood Undead
- Insane Clown Posse
- John Cena
- Justin Bieber
- Rucka Rucka Ali
- Scumbag Steve
- Waking the Cadaver
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|Featured article October 25, 2006|
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