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Wizardchan
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Thanks, America. |
| Foundation | ??? |
| Major Boards | /wiz/, /v9k/, /b/ |
| Epic Wins | None |
| Website | Wizardchan.org |
The internet has always served as a place for the fat, lazy, and socially inept to call home. However, with the emergence of social networking sites sites and the internet becoming more popular, this same group had retreated back into their hugboxes. Most might assume that certain boards on 4chan served as the perfect echo chamber for the socially retarded. However, there was a minority group who felt left out because they were too pathetic even for 4chan and created their own chan where the spergs can roam freely without any mean comments towards them. Thus, Wizardchan was created.
"Wizardchan" is a chan specifically for permavirgins, preferably in their 30's, who brag to one another about having no job, no friends and still living with their parents, in between talking one another out of suicide (even though that would probably be beast for them).
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Birth of Wizardchan
As was stated before, there were quite a few boards on 4chan that spergs had considered their home. Places like /r9k/, /jp/, and even /a/ became home to the NEETs and virgins of 4chan. However a small group became disenchanted with the boards and became convinced that 4chan became overrun with NORPS or normalshits as they call them.
So Wizardchan was born to give NEETs, jobless weeaboos, and waifufags a place to call home. The chan was named after an internet joke of a 30 year old virgin becoming a wizard. As imagined, this chan became one of the more depressing chans to have ever existed. Wizardchan is the lovechild of /r9k/, /jp/ NEET threads, and /a/ waifu threads if what little happiness was drained from the three and all that was left was a bunch of embittered virginal NEETs.
Its Userbase
It couldn’t be stressed enough that every single user on Wizardchan is a friendless, virginal NEET who takes the internet too seriously. Some of the weeaboo members like to refer to themselves as Hikikomori, despite the fact that the actual Hikikomori from animuland contend that they have it worse than their Western counterparts.
Every single member of Wizardchan barely gets out of their house and barely speaks to their family members that support their parasitic lifestyle. In fact, there are posts on the chan of users bemoaning on how they are forced to socialize with their family members and have to go to the store to get milk. Some of the more bizarre posts feature wizards discussing how they starved themselves for two days when distant relatives came to visit them, how they would piss out of their windows, how they have a dirty cumrag pile that they didn’t even bother to throw away, and even how they would have a three year old shit stain in their bathroom. This is not an exaggeration either.
The average wizard claims that they are doing more with their time than the average person while collecting welfare checks or mooching off of relatives. They claim that they have more time to read books, learn moonspeak from watching their favorite animu shows (as if no one has heard that before, amirite?), and various other hobbies that they claim to spend so much time. However, their fantasy life is far from the reality they live in each and every day. The average Wizard spends his days:
• Fapping
• Watching cartoons and anime
• Browsing chans
• Playing vidya games
• Eating ramen
• Sleeping
Wizards Only, Normalshits
Like with most other chans, the folks at Wizardchan have their terminology. “Borrowing” an old chan joke about 30 year old virgins, someone who is a friendless 30 year old or older virgin is a “wizard.” Anyone who is younger than 30 and is a friendless virgin is a “wizard apprentice.” A friendless 60 year old virgin is considered an Archwizard. However, the possibility of one hanging out with individuals who are old enough to be their children or grandchildren who hasn’t died as a result of diabetes or suicide is pretty rare. Almost as rare as the possibility 60 year old that hasn’t at least lost their virginity by spending their welfare check on crack whores.
They like to imagine that they are great powerful wizards like in their animu shows and as a result they all agree that they all share a common nemesis. Their nemesis is all of the normal people in the world or as they called them; “Normalshits.” Like all of the other special snowflakes on the internet, they claim to be oppressed by normal people on a daily basis. How are they oppressed? They are told by normal people to go get a job, go outside, to go get a girlfriend or a boyfriend, are stared at every time they leave their rooms, and the worse of all; They are told to “just be [themselves].” A tragic situation, truly.
While most consider a wizard’s problems to be completely trivial, they consider themselves to be constantly under attack from normal people who want them to contribute to society and they even praise people like Cho Seung-hui for taking out a few normalshits that would’ve oppressed them. Due to this, the admin had created rules against users discussing or even alluding to the fact that they have social life, romantic relationships, and especially sexual relationships. Those were the reasons why they left the normalshits on 4chan in the first place. Anyone who breaks these rules gets banhammered in an instant. Also, despite not being written explicitly in the rules, anyone who admits to being a woman is banned. Because the only legal adults who are still virgins are men.
Founder Drama
Like all good hugboxes, Wizardchan is not immune to pointless internet drama. On July 26th, 2013, the founder of Wizardchan created a blog about his current issues with the site. Among his complaints was the introduction of the new /b/ board, the site’s IRC becoming more integral part of the site, the bastardization of the original rules, and the “unchecked normalfaggotry.”
He also claimed to have been demoted and betrayed by the admin that he had promoted in the first place for not participating in the IRC. He went on to say that the new admin was turning Wizardchan into “a hangout for normalfags like most other chans” and only cared about the quantity of the posts on the chan and not the quality.
As with most internet drama, there are two sides to the argument. The new admin claims that he bought the chan from the founder and that the original founder still hangs out within their IRC. Both sides of the argument delved into calling each other “dang dirty normals.”
1-800-Suicide Hotline Drama
More drama plagued the chan, this time between the new admin and the users. The board’s /v9k/, their /r9k/ knockoff board for wizards to whine about their depression, took a severely depressing turn. The posts went from bemoaning about their family and life to considering becoming an hero and contemplating if their lives were worth living.
The admin saw the trend of posts and posted a link at the top of board linking to Suicide Help Hotlines to prevent some users from taking their lives. Of course, the users weren’t going to take this new change lightly. They posted on a thread, bitching about how the admin was a normalshit for telling them not to take their own lives.
Despite the admin's efforts, the quantity of suicide posts on /v9k/ did not decrease in the slightest.
Cripple Admin's Lost Wizard Status
| —One anonymous user describing 98% of the chan | ||
When you hear the words Wizardchan admin, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Besides a fat, balding neckbeard, would anyone have guessed that a 19 year old midget in a wheelchair was the admin? Meet the now former admin of Wizardchan, Copypaste.
One day in the IRC, Copypaste stumbled upon a gazelle in her late twenties and pmed with her. So much for the whole "No Girls Allowed" rule. The Danish Southern woman that Copypaste cybered with flew all the way from Denmark Georgia to New York to meet up with him and fuck him. When faced with the ultimate dilemma of his imaginary wizard apprentice status and the chance for him to finally get some pussy, he chose the latter and fucked the Danish woman several times the same day he met her.
He went on to share his experience with his embittered virginal brethren. The wizards that he ruled over foamed at the mouth at the news. How dare a crippled midget who ran a site for embittered virgins get laid easily when they tried so hard to for years? In typical wizard fashion, they continued to bitch about virginity status and about those dreaded normalshits.
A month later and Wizchan users were still paranoid over the possible infiltration of normals into their hugbox. If an autistic crippled midget can lose his virginity, what was stopping the rest of them from losing theirs when some random woman or man shows the slightest bit of interest in them?
Wizards lay awake at night under their cum-stained comforters wondering what set them apart from the "normals" on the dreaded /r9k/ board. Much like online other fringe groups, Wizardchan users constantly participated in the drama. Users began discussing getting rid of parts of the chan and even the IRC, which would've gotten rid of many actual wizard apprentices. They were paranoid of their fellow wizards and of the administrators of the site that ruled over them.
The End?
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As it turns out, the girl that Copypaste lost his virginity to turned out to be batshit insane weeaboo. Following a bitter breakup that could rival an episode of Jerry Springer, Copypaste found himself single again. Copypaste also revealed that his ex-girlfriend also had a fetish for virgins and regularly masturbated to Wizchan's /v9k/ board and the Loveshy forums. So Copypaste's ex is currently lurking the /v9k/ board, looking for her next willing victim and schlicking to their misery.
For what it's worth, Copypaste accomplished more within a few months than most wizards would accomplish within their entire lifetimes. Despite being a crippled midget, he managed to fuck a whore and invoke the butthurt of 10 virginal NEETS in the process. Shine on, you delightful little elf. The true wizard is you!
Aftermath
Copypasta went on to change his name to "Hotwheels" and create 8chan. When GamerGate began and m00t sold out 4chan for some cash from Gawker and herpes from the tumblr staff's throwaway pussy who was working there, something called "m00t's GamerGate Sellout" happened.
All the chantards who were sick of m00t and his sellout faggotry that has been going on for years declared 4chan dead, moved to 8chan and hailed Hotwheels as their new king.
Walking in a Pedo Wonderland
Should it come as any surprise that the majority of wizards have an alternative sexuality or a sick fetish of some sort? Closeted homosexuals, crossdressers, zoophiles, babyfurs, cloppers, lolicons/shotacons, and pedophiles make up the majority of users on Wizardchan. Ashamed of admitting their kinks in real life, they openly express them on Wizardchan without shame. Here's one such case:
On Christmas day, after the wizards celebrated the holiday with their disappointed parents, they quickly ran back to their computers to moan about having to socialize with their own families. One anonymous user shared his holiday experience with his 11 year old cousin. The user told the other users about how he felt up on his cousin after giving her booze and Benadryl. A couple of wizards advised the OP from going any further with the young girl, but the rest of them sympathized with the OP for they too knew what it was like to lust after a child. As it turned out the OP posts and one of the responses was copypasta from the /jp/ board on 4chan and half of the wizardchan posters took the bait.
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The Wizardchan pedo thread was later deleted by mods. Whether they deleted the thread out of embarrassment of their pedophilic users, the rule against discussing sexual history, or the new rule against discussing females in general is unclear. The thread's deletion led to the weekly butthurt from the users. Users quickly made a thread asking where the thread went. Some users defended the thread, stating that the thread was more about Christmas than about a guy touching his little cousin. Other users whined about the threads deletion. Wizchan users wanted to discuss their pedo fantasies further and wanted to know if the guy molested his cousin. They didn't realize that it was a ruse all along until they checked the 888chan thread on them. Once again, Wizardchan proved their superior intelligence against those dang normalshits on other chan sites.
Lolicon/Shotacon Tears
| —A Wizardchan admin telling users to fuck themselves. | ||
As time has proven yet again, Wizards are some of the most easily upset online users besides furries and Social Justice cows. What set them off this time? One concerned citizen reported the site to their host for Lolicon. Due to the site's server being located in California, the admins added Lolicon and Shotacon to the list of banned content to avoid having the website shut down. Instead of understanding that the admin's hands were tied on the matter, the users chimped out at the admins and whined about the daily "normalfag" persecution that wizards endure on a daily basis. After a while of listening to Wizardchan users cry about how unfair the new rule was and US laws are, the admin told Wizardchan users to go post their Cardcaptor Sakura Rule 34 on another chan and locked the thread.
Through it all, most of the users' fear of getting partyvanned are probably justified. Given how most Wizards have less tact than MadThad0890 about their pedo Lolicon or CP collection, one can easily imagine the fate of some Wizardchan users' Wizardhood when they meet Bubba in prison. The Booty Warrior, a widely feared Level 200 warlock, can gain some magic points from breaking into the anus of the average Level 5 Wizchan user.
The Zoe Quinn Affair
When Zoe's retarded "Depression Quest" game got rejected on Greenlight it seemed like that was it. But someone on the CWCwiki forum decided to have a bit of fun, so he posted about how Zoe is a faggot on Wizardchan and then pretended to be a concerned citizen and linked her to his own post.
Zoe took the opportunity to claim that she was being harassed by them and that one of them called her house and fapped into the receiver. No one can be sure if it was actually someone from WC who called her (since she gets these calls all the time anyway) or, if in fact anyone had called her at all. But that didn't stop her from getting ass-pats from Anita Sarkeesian and Dina from Mighty No. 9 (whom, incidentally, are both sleeping with the people responsible for their internet success). It also didn't stop several news sites from running the story without doing a single moment of research (although she was probably fucking at least some of them) or her twitter followers from butthurt raiding the site in defense of their damsel in distress.
BUT WAIT! Was it really them? Fucking no. About two months after GamerGate started, Hotwheels, the admin of 8chan and formally of Wizardchan did an interview on Know Your Meme where he revealed that an IP check proves that Zoe was the one posting threats against herself on Wizardchan prior to the attack.
The irony in all of this is that most of the users on Wizardchan actually have depression because they are fat, kissless virgins in their 30's who live in their mom's basement. They are in fact so depressed that the site had to post a link on the top of the page to a suicide prevention hotline.
So they were fucking with people who have depression over a game about the hardships of depression. Classy.
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Devin Faraci Wants to Make Them Kill Themselves
In joins respectable gaming journalist "Devin Faraci". The same Devin Faraci who, at the beginning of GamerGate, compared people who play video games to ISIS and got trolled relentlessly for it. He decided to step up his efforts in trying to ruin his own "career" (if you can even call it being a guest on Screen Junkies) by posting on twitter, on national suicide prevention day, about Wizardchan and convincing his followers to go fuck with them.
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#1 Journalist
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| That feel when . . . | About missing Pics | |||||||||||||
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See Also
- Zoe quinn - they "harassed" her
- NEET
- Chan
- Internet is Serious Business
- Autism
- Weeaboos
- Special Snowflake Syndrome
- Privilege Olympics
- First World Problems
- Welfare
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| Wizardchan is part of a series on Dying Alone
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Wizardchan is part of a series on
Lulcow Board
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Wizardchan is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article October 16 & 17, 2014 | ||
| Preceded by Moviebob | Wizardchan | Succeeded by Tom Preston |



