Wolverine

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Wolverine and his boss.
Wolverine cosplay.

Wolverine is a superhero who appears in publications produced and distributed by the Marvel Comics company. Born James Howlett and commonly known as "Logan", Wolverine has animal-keen senses which he uses hunt and then fuck bears. He also possesses enhanced strength, a devastating inability to control his homosexual urges, a retracting boner and most importantly, a 'healing-factor' which allows him to quickly recover from any injuries sustained whilst fucking bears. This healing ability enabled the bear-fucker program known as Weapon X, to bond an indestructible metal named Adamantium to his skeleton, claws and dick.

Wolverine was typical of the many tough anti-authority/anti-heroes/anti-Jew that emerged in American popular culture after the Vietnam War; his willingness to use deadly force and emo nature became standard characteristics for comic book anti-heroes, except for pussies like Batman. As a result, the character became the clear favorite for anyone who got picked on in school who'd rather be reading comic books instead of chasing slash.

Wolverine has been featured in a small number of solo comic serieses since 1988 and has been a central character in every X-Men adaptation; including an animated television series, video games and the live action 20th Century Fox film series, in which he is played by Hugh Jackman, who sings and dances on Broadway.

Sometime in the year 2000, Marvel Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada decided Wolverine needed to be a role model for kids so he had him stop smoking cigars... brutally decapitating anybody who looks at him the wrong way is still fine though.

Anti-Jew?

Hugh Jackman and Kevin Durand as The Blob relaxing on set during filming of 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

In Wolverine #125, Wolverine called Sabertooth a "kike" even though Marvel is run by Jews who make him their flagship character, proving how badass of a highschool doodle during math class he is. Later after it's release Marvel recalled the issue due to the Protocols of Zion, which say to confuse actual humans. The issue went on to become a legend and sky-rocketed in price, showing just how much comicbook collectors hate Jews. Marvel tried to recapture the racsists hearts by having Wolverine appear in a barber shop and say spooks where there, but nobody got the joke because they weren't born in the year 1940.

Trivia

  • In the comics, Wolverine is only 5 foot, 3 inches tall. That's right, all he really is is just an angry midget.
  • Despite being a trained and accomplished samurai, all he seems to be able to do is leap headfirst with his claws out.
  • Currently, Wolverine is a regular character in six different series', all of which take place at the same time at different locations across the world. Marvel explains how this works as
  • In the newest X-Men cartoon, Wolverine is the leader of the X-Men. This makes Cyclops, the usual leader, completely useless as opposed to being just mostly useless.
  • In the movies, Wolverine is played by flamboyant Aussie actor, Hugh Jackman.
  • His catchphrase is that he is "the best at what he does," even though he seems to lose every fight he gets in.
  • Wolverine once had all the adamantium in his body removed by Magneto. It was then revealed that Wolverine had bone claws all along, due to actually being a member of a part-wolf part-humAAAAAAGH WHO FUCKING CARES...

Gallery

See Also

Not To Be Confused With

External links

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Wolverine is part of a series on:
Comic Books

[ZAP POW BIFF!EXCELSIOR!]

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Wolverine
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Television & Film

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