Woz

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Woz: Everything Good and Pure About Apple(tm)

In the world of h4X0ring there is no one bigger than Woz (a.k.a. Steve Wozniak, aka Wizard of Woz aka Oak Toebark). Not only is he the first person to ever build an entire computer, he is the only person to ever do it. Plus, he co-founded Apple with Steve Jobs. Every h4X0r desires to be Woz, but everyone is resigned to the fact that there will never be anyone like him again. His first noteworthy moment, though, has to do with phreaking.

Contents

Phreaking

Woz got introduced to phreaking by Captain Crunch. Soon enough, Woz and Steve Jobs started their first business venture selling blue boxes. The first time they demoed the blue box, though, they almost got caught by the cops. Here's an excerpt from the episode, as Woz tells it:

The cops then patted us down and found the blue box. We know we'd been caught. The cops asked what it was and I said 'an electronic music synthesizer' and told them that you got tones by pushing [sic] the keyboard buttons. The cop asked what the red button (phone line seizing!) was for and Steve said 'calibration.'

You can read the rest of this story here (woz.org)

Apple

Later, Woz invented the Apple I and Apple II. Not only did he invent the whole machines, he also developed BASIC for them. The Apple II was the only thing that made Apple money in the early days. Steve Jobs was jealous of his skillz and decided to be a little bitch about it. So Woz purposely crashed his airplane in order to find a viable excuse for leaving -- but not before becoming a multi-millionaire and not having to work for the rest of his life.

The Apple I is still one of the most hackable computers ever due to the fact that anyone can build one out of junkyard parts.

Afterlife

nuff said

Woz, like Berkeley Brethed and John Denver, joined a l337 club of an heroes by killing himself in a small private plane. Somehow resurrected with only half a brain, Woz nows does what filthy, lazy, rich bums do best: giving his money away to "charity". He's sponsored concerts, given computers away to school districts, and was nice to the Communists before the USSR keeled over and died. Oh, and people keep giving him honorary degrees because his wife is terrible at interior decorating, and there has to be something to keep his mansion looking nice. He still owns a chunk of Apple, and whenever Steve Jobs does something stupid (like suing a university student), Woz gets up and tells Jobs where to stick it.

Free Mason

Like most cock-blocked nerds, Woz worked hard to get out of the friend zone; nevertheless, unlike most nerds, Woz was still in the zone after getting married for the second time. Alice spent far too much time at the local Masonic temple; Woz adopted Masonic mysticism as his new religion. After she was unable to escape from her alpha-nerd husband into her Machiavellian-success cult, she divorced him.

Woz's standards fell rapidly between the early seventies and the mid-to-late eighties as he summarily rejected a flirty Scilon that claimed to be majoring in Scientology at Berkley. After making her sales-pitch, Woz insisted that he did not need courses that would make him a happier person as he was already a happy person.

SPOILERS

   
 
Steve Jobs doesn't use a Mac, and won't, because it's too crappy in his opinion.
 

 
 

—Woz, On hypocrisy

How Woz spends his spare time

Notice to the ladies: Steve wears those block socks for everything.
What is this I don't even

Links



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Woz is part of a series on Security Faggots

1337 h4x0rz

Captain CrunchDavid L. SmithGary McKinnonGOBBLESHD MooreJeff MossKevin MitnickLance M. HavokRobert MorrisTheo de RaadtweevWoz


Try-Hards

AnonOpsBrian SalcedoCult of the Dead CowFearnorFry GuyGadi Evrong00nsHack This SitehannJoanna RutkowskaJohn FieldJoseph CampLulzSecMarshviperXMasters of DeceptionMichael LynnKrashedRavenr000tRyanSteve Gibsonth3j35t3rSabuZeekill


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Woz
is part of a series on Web 1.0

     

Old Memes  • Celebs, h4x0rz, and Phreaks  • Communications and Technologies  • Events  • Death of Web1.0
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All Your Base Are Belong To UsThe Anarchist CookbookArtycatAte my ballsBonsai KittenBonzi BuddyChurch of the SubGeniusDancing BabyDon't copy that floppyDMOZEmotion EricThe GibsonGoatseGoddess BunnyFat Chicks in Party HatsGuy Macon's original postHA! HA! GuyHai2uHampster DanceHello My Future GirlfriendHomestar RunnerIcy Hot StuntazJesus With You AlwaysLemon PartyMaddoxI kiss you!Max HeadroomMeatspinMulletNinjaNO UOld MemeRaping Little SuzyPenisbirdSTFUSubservient ChickenTubcatTubgirlWebTV B1FFBill GatesCaptain CrunchChurch of the SubGeniusCult of the Dead CowDavid L. SmithFry GuyGoddess BunnyJai MaharajJeff MossKelly MartinKevin MitnickMaddoxMahir ÇağrıMasters of DeceptionMikevirusNicholas MorencyPhreakRobert MorrisSchattieStarcadeSteve JobsTom GallowayWoz ALL CAPSalt.fan.karl-malden.nosealt.religion.scientologyalt.syntax.tacticalalt.tastelessAOLAOL Instant MessengerASCIIAscii artBack OrificeBearshareBellBlue boxCitadelDark Age of CamelotDiablo 2DialupEverQuestFollowupGeoshitiesThe GibsonGopher protocolHomestar RunnerHotlineHotornotICQIRCISCABBSJesus is HitlerJoe cartoonKazaaLeetLimewireNapsterOpen DiaryP2PRotten.comSpamSock puppetStarcraftStile ProjectTotseTelnetUltima OnlineUsenetYahoo! Eternal SeptemberFlame WarsMeow WarsAdequacy trollingsOperation Sundevil EbaumsworldFutaba ChannelMySpaceNewgroundsSomething AwfulText FilesTOWYouTube

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