X-Play

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X-Play is a shitty show on G4. The show covers video game reviews. In the end, the show only proved that retards are not allowed on television.

The Hosts

  • Adam "Cancer" Sessler is quite possibly the biggest faggot in history. A high school drop out raped at the age of 2 by Matt Price, he uses X-Play to make himself feel like he has a cock. His nearly bald head and deranged half-smile welcomes all those unfortunate enough to cum across the show. He was being held hostage as a sex slave at the abandoned E3 building. http://24.media.tumblr.com/f5bda24b16019088648af84895ba47c5/tumblr_mfh0dfkyou1rc4ulco2_1280.jpg Adam is Leaving Revision3 for Porn, Getting fucked in The Ass by a Woman, Losing his Pride Doing so! Now currently Adam Sessler is a drug addict and going full retard by burning bridges, playing the oppression card, and cutting a line with a rolled dollar.

FACT: In 2014, Adam Sessler went to Five Guys Burgers And Fries to legitimately get a cocaine meal from the owner. After the owner left the country with drug money for a few months, Adam went batshit insane and went spiraling out of control on his Twitter account because he couldn't get his fix and more cocaine meals.

  • Morgan "Manjaw" Webb is the only reason this show is popular, as she is a total tramp with giant tits that teenagers all over the country want to fuck as they fap to every review she does. However, there was much butthurt when Morgan married Bob Barker, an man old enough to be her abusive step-father. Despite being unable to get it up with the help of Viagra, Morgan became his legal whore due to the fact that he is the God of iTunes and therefore richer than China (hey, worked for Anna Nicole Smith, right?) If you want to piss off weepy little cunts who jack off to her, tell 'em she married a millionaire.. and a Cummdumpster.
  • Blair Herter is an awkward creep who doesn't know how to host a segment without being awkward or creepy.

Since X-Play has run out of ideas ages ago, they decided to steal other peoples host such as Kevin Pereira from Attack of the Show and Kristin Adams, who is the only decent thing they give us now from 10+ years of torture. Might as well watch Cartoon Network at this point.

The Show

X-Play is about as much as a "show about gaming" as Tatu is a band consisting of lesbians - both may appear to be so, but in the end, it's all bullshit.

The only reason why people bother watching X-Play isn't for Morgan's rack, or because they need a good laugh at the stupidity/expense of the hosts (yes, that painful to watch). It's because every once in awhile, a game will come out from a big, popular game series and Adam and Morgan will manage to do a decent review on it.

But those are only in special cases. And even then, the review is still painful to watch.

90% of the time, the "game reviews" aren't even a review of anything. It often contains a skit that gets old before long before it even starts, and pop-up ads for G4's other shitty programming. They manage to squeeze a few sentences about the game in there, but it's so full of scripted bias that it's hard to tell until the final score is revealed. Really makes you wonder if they've even played the games that they are reviewing.

Score

Unfortunately for Adam, this is the only score he will ever get (other than Morgan, but nerds doesn't count). An unadvertised game normally gets a 3 (no matter how good/shitty it is), and a 5 is usually given to any game you've already had shoved down your throat. Occasionally they'll give a Final Fantasy game a 1, but chances are it's mostly just to piss off the fans.

See Also

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X-Play is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

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X-Play is part of a series on

Media

Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.