YouTube Yahweh Clan
Long ago, in the year 2005, there was a site, and that site was called YouTube. It was a time of great innocence to the people of YouTube, where most users simply browsed recycled viral videos or shitty AMVs and listened to gay music. The Lord Yahweh looked upon this and saw that it was good. But it wasn't long before random attention whores and troglodytes found that they could not only upload videos, but that they could also film themselves saying inane and idiotic things, and then upload that to receive the false praise of the basement dwelling masses. It was this original sin, dubbed "vlogging" that begat such heretics as Renetto, Peppermintpatti, LisaNova and Sxephil who quickly began spewing their filth into the virgin tubes. By late 2006 with the posting of the infamous "bears" video, this orgy of failure spawned a revolution. The invisible tears pouring from the anemic transvestites eyes, and cries of her dog made it clear that something needed to be done, that someone needed to stand up against this blasphemy. It was this that caused the first YouTube Civil War, and propagated all other dramas. Trolls united together in defiance of the old ways on the tubes. Members of this original jihad and ensuing YouTube Civil War heard the holy call to trust and obey in Yahweh -- given by the holy birthmother and the prophet reverend Alicia -- and formed the original YouTube Yahweh Clan.
The YTYC is a watchdog group that specializes in cleansing YouTube of liars, false prophets, and pedoforks. Unlike the comically opposite and now defunct YouTube Street Team which was paralyzed by doubt, or the YouTube Vigilantes rendered impotent by their self-loathing, this family unleashes holy judgment on all those who refuse to accept Yahweh as their personal savior.
History of the YTYC
In the old days, there was much faggotry, abomination and unwarranted self-importance on YouTube. Pedophiles like Irish282 were allowed to have secret groups, composed of only a handful adults, yet many, many, young boys. Mongoloids like TheDramaTube ran rampant, spouting idiocy and lies in all their videos. False prophets like VioletKitty411 spoke of their great "faith" on camera, while privately having cybersex with rabbit couples in Sim games. YouTube was a veritable Babylon of the webbernets. Ordinary people everywhere had to spend precious hours of their lives watching shitty videos to find just five minutes of lulzworthy material.
The YTYC first found cohesion as a unit in the Irish282 Offensive. Pigslop (before he turned into huge self-worshipping faggot) pointed out the debauchery of Irish282 (AKA Claude Clark), and began making videos about Claude's strange behavior. Claude got very irate that someone had discovered his online harem of little boys, and began flagging all of pigslop's videos, regardless of content. Criticism of Irish continued and grew to epic proportions. YouTube nobodies like scotland38, and Kikyou10000 came to Claude's defense, and a flamewar developed between them and the EDiot YouTube presence.
A mighty rage swelled up in Yahweh, and he swept down and filled birthmother with the Holy Spirit. She was given the Holy Fist of Grabbing, and quickly dispensed Kikyou10000 by reaching down her throat, pulling out her pancreas, and feeding it back to her. Scotland38, for fear of getting grabbed, suicided himself. When word reached friends and family of Kikyou and Scotland, they decided they should enter the fray as well. One by one, they all literally got their asses handed to them, sometimes many times over. Here is a list of infidels that were felled singlehandedly by birthmother and Yahweh:
- Kikyou10000 grabbed
- KikyouSakura101 grabbed twice
- Toharu435 grabbed thrice
- devilprincess12894 "sister" grabbed
- xGoThIcAXcOoKiE12894 grabbed again
- sangoblossomlove "sister" grabbed
- sangocherrylove double grabbed
- awsome587 "sister" grabbed
- Kairi100 "sister" grabbed
- scotland38 "uncle" suicided
- liamjefford "brother" suicided
- jenniferferfer "sister" suicided
- babeesam "sister" suicided
After seeing the divine fury that Yahweh had brought to YouTube, the chosen freedom fighters joined the battle. Some heroes fell in the battles that ensued, only to be reborn days later. Resurrection on Yahweh's clock never takes 40 hours.
BURK Samefag as above
Roo - Banished to the depths of purgatory for dishonoring Yahweh
Skechan Retired to Florida
- FBIrish282- Known sock of Irish282, used to bully kids who questioned him
- gnaav0x* resurrected
In July of 2007, the YTYC's Holy War of Ruin began gaining popularity when the Young Tubers United situation reached the state of Critical Mass Lulz. The YTYC seized on this opportunity by opening its membership to a variety of new allies who also heard Yahweh's call. New faith and works spread across YouTube like the outstretched hand of Yahweh himself. Kid-fiddlers were no longer safe to go child-collecting on YouTube unfettered.
In early 2008, reverend Alicia, original patron and messenger of our Lord Yahweh died after a massive heart attack caused her to choke on a pretzel. Her spirit lived on and manifested itself in a small grizzled dog named Bruno, whom shortly thereafter also died. His death still remains a mystery. Common theories of Bruno's death are that his owner killed Bruno by: accidentally spilling Jameson in his water dish, causing the 20 lb dog to die of alcohol poisoning; that he ate his owner's bonbons and died from chocolate poisoning; that he got hit by a bus while riding his bike; or that tbd1000 yiffed him to death. But regardless of the cause, Bruno rose again after three days to become the official and only licensed mascot of the Yahweh Clan. The Yahweh Clan still operates under his spiritual guidance to this very day.
Although Bruno fell, he will forever be remembered as a martyr and as one of the greatest to Love Our Lord. It is believed that Bruno ascended to the heavens with the likes of Yahweh himself, and that he watches over us all; protecting us from the faggotry, pedophiles, furries and false prophets that infest our tubes.
Samples of Faith and Works
Hall of Infidels
The war with the kid-fiddling group the YouTube Vigilantes has been going on for 4 years now. In that time they've been doxed, last measured, forced to sell their mobile homes, etc. In response, the YTV has rewarded the YTYC and ED with the single largest free advertising campaign ever to be put out on YouTube. Have a look:
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- Legion of Noway
- Perverted Justice
- weev spiritual guide
YouTube Yahweh Clan is part of a series on YouTube.