YoYo Games

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YoYo Games: doing it wrong.

YoYo Games is the host of the unimaginatively named Game Maker, as well as the vast number of games made with it by retarded five year olds. The site itself is split into several sections:

Play

Also known as the "lake of diarrhea". Everyone's uploaded crap is put on display here to rape all virgin eyes, from unplayable Mario fan games to effortless tutorial remakes.

Rating System

Earlier in its life, games had a maximum rating of six stars. Realizing that this was fucking stupid, the company changed it to five. The rating system doesn't really matter, as everything on that site is pure shit. But, if you really want a guide for looking at ratings, here it is:

  • ~5: Indicates that the creator of this game is making dupe accounts and rating his crap five stars because he has no balls or honesty.
  • ~4: Shit
  • ~3: Shit
  • ~2: Shit
  • ~1: Only possible if the rare mature person is first to rate the game or some retard is downrating it without actually playing it. Shit might be shit, but we at ED are responsible enough to experience shit for ourselves before we call it shit.

Yes, we kid you not. The rating system is completely worthless. Allow us to demonstrate with a 4 star example. And to finally quench your doubts, here's an updated version with a lower rating.

Quality Control

File:TypicalYoYoGamesEntry.jpg
A typical game hosted on YoYo Games.

Unless it's an exact replica of something or full of viruses, it will stay in the database forevar (or for months, assuming a lazy mod finds rule-breaking). Allow us to demonstrate how wonderful their quality control is.

Make

We don't know why anyone would use half-assed program that makes incredibly slow games, but apparently that's what Underage b&s are into these days. This area has links to Game Maker itself, the YoYo Games wiki, a buttload of crappy resources, Game WIPs, Game Betas, and the forums. If it wasn't for the fact that Game Maker has a free version (as opposed to the Pro version which is $25), downloading it would be a complete waste of your time.

WHY ISN'T IT RUNNING FAST?

Instead of making actually performance-effective games, Game Maker makes slow as hell executables when it comes time to make your game an actual program. This is because Game Maker uses an interpreted language. You see, each executable actually contains encoded crap your computer can't understand and a big fat "runner" to handle it.

Really, you'd be better off learning C or something.

FUCK SOFTWRAP!

Should you be stupid enough to actually buy that piece of shit, AND should something go horribly wrong with your installation, you'll have to contact the DRM guys YoYo Games hired called Softwrap. Softwrap never listens to your pleas to help with your Game Maker Pro installation. They will most likely never even answer your e-mail.

Help

The most useless feature of the site. Aside from the FAQ, the Helpdesk is about as competent as Jagex.

In a nutshell: If you wind up doing it wrong, you're fucked.

YoYo Games "Glog"

Apparently some genius running the company thought replacing "blog" with an abbreviation of Game Log was witty and humorous. Instead, it sounds like shit some /b/ newfag would spam 24/7. Here, the YoYo Games staff tell all their fanboys about various events happening, such as competitions (flooded with crap) and new versions of Game Maker.

File:GM8 Happy Face.png
LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY!
   
 
[I guess nobody, not even Sandy himself, would have expected so much ranting (let’s say “heated discussion”), but eventually everyone will calm down as they realize there’s just no point in childish complaining. I’m however still kind of puzzled why only 8% picked this as their favorite, but I’m glad Sandy and a few others realized what’s really behind this logo.
 

 
 

—Logo competition winner Albert Zak, showing everyone how much of a faggot he is

At one point in time, Sandy Duncan thought that a smiley with Down's Syndrome would be the perfect logo for Game Maker. When this was revealed on the YoYo Games Glog, the majority of YoYo Games users proved that they actually had brains (however small) and flat out raged.

However, there were several users who liked the new logo.

It is unknown if Sandy was trolling or actually being serious, but it seems highly unlikely that someone of at least normal intelligence could possibly handle so many idiots for so long.

Sandy Duncan logic

Yes, all of this is 100% fact. This shit is too insane to be made up.

  • Everyone who hasn't said anything that using that picture is signs of severe mental illness agrees with you by default.
  • Having nightmares about hammers is good enough reason to hate the old ball and hammer logo.
  • Communists are more fearsome than Jews.

Sauce

Quotes from YoYo Games users

   
 
Everyone, please stop putting horrible comments on this game. Otherwise those people who made the comment will be reported.
 

 
 

—Zander789, in a case where butthurt brat meets Internet Tough Guy, http://forum.yoyogames.com/games/108956-dodge-the-viruses


   
 
Pros: GRAPHICS, GAMEPLAY, EVERYTHING, Cons: I CANT THINK OF ANY ONE, JUST GREAT, OMG THIS IS GREAT! I WISH i COULD MAKE A GAME LIKE THIS ONE
 

 
 

—A "review" by this moron

See Also

External Links

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