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Sick Fuck.png This person is a sick fuck!

They should never be trusted by anyone!

Possible side-effects will include at least one of these:
2. Bestiality
3. Cuckoldry

Sick Fuck.png
Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Factcat seal of approval.gif This page relies entirely on facts.
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Sorry for the lack of dick jokes.

You are below this guy. He has the energy to at least get his fat ass outside.
You are a faggot.
This is the place that your mother should have gone to when you were conceived.
You aren't getting laid, either.
You, doing what you do best at your desktop, and go get your leg back.
No, you're the one on the computer reading /b/ 2.0.
You right now.
We at ED would like to thank you for all your contributions to humanity.
YOU are forever alone.
The closest you will ever be next to a pussy.
You as an infant.


You illustrated

The guytoddler in the video is you! He actually had the balls to go up to a girl, unlike you!

You are a worthless waste of air, which is why at this precise moment in time, you are reading this sentence. You think you should be doing something more productive, but for some reason, you aren't.

You can go ahead and suck jizz from my puckered anus, dirty slut.

You aren´t worth the solidified cum that came out of a brony cock after he fapped to pony guro.

You think your taste in music matters. You believe that your petty opinions about everything matter. Tell us moar about what political party you belong to and how you can't associate with anyone whose opinions differ form yours, it's all so fascinating!

You have seen every episode of Star Wars multiple times, including the shitty prequels. You think you're hot shit and cool because you own all of the Quentin Tarantino movies on shitty bootleg DVDs. You think the mundane and asinine details of your very existence are so interesting that you log onto Facebook and tell every dumbfuck that was retarded enough to 'friend' you what you had for dinner.

You are every shit stain, cum streak and piss smell on every single piece of underwear worn by humanity. You can attempt to take 10 showers a day (and we all know you won't), but you will still smell like a monkey's asscrack with HIV.

You are ugly, all of your family members are ugly, and the children you will never have will be ugly as well. Further, the fact that your mother or father did not do what so obviously needed to be done and strangle you immediately following your birth proves you come from bad stock. Do not breed!

Your very birthing delivery was all a joke; you were born as a ploy from God to stick you out in this world so that you will fail and give normal human beings the satisfaction of lulzing at your stupid self.

You think playing video games makes you alternative. You "spontaneously" quote Family Guy, Adventure Time, Monty Python, and not to mention Tarantino flicks. You installed Linux on a partition, downloaded pirating software to your video game and jailbreaked your tablet (you think, anyway) because it seemed vaguely counter-cultural.

You wear a fucking fedora in public and believe this makes the world a more whimsical place. Pretty much every human being you attended High School with remembers you only as "that fat kid." You went to a second-tier state college and joined the roleplaying club on the first day of orientation. You watch anime but insist you're not a fanboy or fangirl. You quote memes at parties and then laugh alone, awkwardly. You own at least one cape which you wear "ironically" to comic con.

You drive a 1990s Civic with crumbs on the floor and an "I roll 20s" bumper sticker. You've pretty much been a giant faggot or dyke ever since that one time in bible camp. You write long posts in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist but never get responses. You have never had sex and are love shy.

You are a 15 year old liberal thinking atheist. You can hear your parents yelling in the other room. You think people shouldn't judge you based on your meager accomplishments because you "could have done better if you tried". You collect plastic crap.

You cum on your collection of anime figurines and film it for the entire world to see. And after you cum on your plastic crap, you attempt to engage it in conversation to apologize, which ends in a one-sided argument about that unicorn you saw raping that box of cupcakes last week. You're as socially-adjusted as a potato (and that's an insult to potatoes). You hover around the edges of your social group, grasping at straws of approval.

You have the intellectual capabilities of a flaccid penis. You began your trek through the Interwebz by googling nigger porn. You were socially inept in elementary, middle, and high school, and during high school, you masturbated in the bathroom during CSIII at least twice a week to your own little shota fantasies, you fucking pedo.

You have a blatantly inaccurate superiority complex, when in reality you are perhaps the paramount example of a pseudo-intellectual. You have this fagtarded notion that everyone actually cares about what you have to say, but they won't even throw five seconds down the drain to tell you they don't. You visited 4chan solely during the summer of 2010, and you become aroused at the idea of finally being a part of something larger than yourself, when, yet again, noone fucking gives a fucking fuck.

You get your ideas and arguments from blogs, because you are dumb enough to believe they will replace newspapers and magazines. You don't get invited, you tag along, which to you is a less offensive way to say that you gatecrash. You like to tell yourself you "only date nerds because they understand" you, but then masturbate to 10's who wouldn't even waste the breath to tell you to fuck off if you approached one of them in a bar. You sit at your desk daydreaming about which X-Men power you want, while your peers are shaping the world in their image.

You think you're a weapons expert because you play Call of Duty all day while screaming obscenities down the mic because your parents obviously don't give a shit about you. You're obsessed with J-Pop and other Wapanese shit due to the fact you're unpatriotic. You posted on /b/ last Thursday and they wouldn't even reply to you and your shitposting.

You fail it, where it = ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. You are also manually breathing...


Ha, I'm only half of those things!



This article only BEGINS to describe you

A real creepypasta about you!


This kind of content has no humanity. Which makes it true.


This picture - predicts your whole future
This is how everyone else views YOU, including your family and the girls around, even your pets if you have any
This is you in the gym trying to look intimidating.
You, shortly before being massacred.
You, as a baby.
You, during Halloween.
You "playing" with your friends. As if you had any in the first place. Bitch.

YOU were starved from sugar at 11 years old then taken to Casey Stoner, your abductors told you to start licking Casey's sugar fluid covered teeth followed by sounding like Precious saying "wooh hmh yeah taste so... sweet". Remember licking and tasting it you ugly Zionist Child Prostitute? know yourself you are nothing but an abused child taught sex & kissing at very young age. Your parents must be ashamed, your hosting country must be ashamed. All of you must man up to your mistakes instead of burying your heads in the sand. Seriously kill yourself you prostitute!

YOU are a Sega Genesis Sonic faggot who can't accept that 2D-Sidescroller sonic games are just as bad as the new-games are, but you still regard sonic as one of the best games ever.

YOU could fuck up a wet dream.

YOU aren't worth the brown shit marks in someone's underwear.

YOU weren't conceived like a normal human being, you only came to be because your dad's jizz found its way into the womb through a fissure inside your mom's ass when your parents were having buttsecks

YOU actually think a fat Italian plumber, who gets his girlfriend stolen by a fucking turtle, and shows up to the wrong place MULTIPLE times when looking for her, could actually kill a anthropomorphic blue hedgehog that reaches speeds past the sound barrier and has literally saved the fucking earth.

YOU are a Nintendo fantard.

YOU created Sad Satan video game.

YOU caused the death of most of your friends.

YOU killed your Grandfather.

YOU fucked up most video games and changed characters into your look.

YOU caused Dubai Ruler's heart attack you sick prostitute!

YOU are the definition of "asshole."

YOU were born wrong.

YOU are Uwe Boll.

YOU aren't worth the period stains in a chick's maxi-pad.

YOU are an abomination.

YOU gave Sephiroth the black materia.

YOU were created by two male goats fucking each other, ironically the 2 goats were brothers.

YOU squeeze and pop the ugly pimples you have all over your face and body.

YOU have no friends; nor do you deserve any.

YOU are fat.

YOU did WTC.

YOU raped the body of Jesus after he was crucified.

YOU were a failed experiment for the stupidest and most pathetic creature in existence, you were too stupid for stupidest.

YOU were conceived when your dad cheated on your mom with the skanky, fugly crackwhore down the street.

YOU will never get laid in your pathetic excuse of a life.

YOU were placed in special education.

YOU should kill yourself to end the misery of those who are unfortunate enough to be around you.

YOU finger your ass in bed and smell your fingers afterwards.

YOU are rated R.

YOU ______ (Fill in the blank).

YOU aren't worth the feces in the toilet bowl.

YOU drink all day and every day, you fucking alcoholic!

YOU live alone.

YOU jack off to Furry Porn.

YOU ARE a Furry.

YOU framed roger rabbit!

YOU were sold by your parents to Aussie family!.

YOU watch all of the Saw movies and masturbate to the fucktarded "traps" the characters get themselves in.

YOU are a retard.

YOU don't bathe or brush your teeth.

YOU are a waste of the honest taxpayers' money.

YOU are the mucus in the human nose.

YOU cause people to abuse drugs and overdose.

YOU are on welfare.

YOU use dog and cat toys to masturbate with, you fucking weirdo.

YOU contribute absolutely fuck-all to the world and you never will.

YOU often fantasize about raping your elderly grandma when she's home alone sitting on her sofa watching TV.

YOU are a college dropout.

YOU caused the infamous deaths of Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper.

YOU had kinky sex with that underage girl (or boy).

YOU are a worthless piece of shit.

YOU are a member of ISIS.

YOU are lazy.

YOU are a fucking piece of shit.

YOU are mentally ill.

YOU don't have family members who care about you.

YOU are Ginger.

YOU can't get through the first 20 minutes of Resident Evil 2. Noob.

YOU invented stupidity.

YOU smell bad.

YOU killed Elvis.

YOU also just caused Robin Williams' death OMFG FUCK YOU!

YOU don't have a job.

YOU abuse the elderly for the lulz, you evil cunt!

YOU are African.

YOU sank the Titanic.

YOU murdered your own mother because your fatass crawling out her vagina gave her a cardiac arrest, your current mother adopted you but for the lulz, she isn't going to tell you the truth.

YOU deserve an eternity of pain and agony.

YOU will be forgotten immediately.

YOU are the pimple on a person's ass after they take a dump and don't wipe properly.

YOU are the prime reason why people get depressed.

YOU can't dance.

YOU are just as important as a fart blowing in the wind.

YOU are the reason animals die.

YOU are a Commie.

YOU don't deserve any happiness whatsoever.

YOU are a nerd.

YOU cry from the recoil of a 9mm. Faggot.

YOU caused the Holocaust.

YOU spend your days wishing you were famous or somebody important.

YOU have cum stains in your pants and underwear from masturbating by yourself.

YOU annoy people.

YOU often get your ass kicked in a fight.

YOU are Australian.

YOU stabbed Sal Mineo.

YOU cause people to live bad, depressing lives.

YOU wear shitty bootleg clothing you bought on a vacation in Thailand.

YOU are old.

YOU are unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall not be mourned.

YOU are adopted.

YOU are the Grinch that stole Christmas.

YOU have a small cock.

YOU are a druggie.

YOU can't take a drug test because you'll fail it.

YOU play the Ouija board to try to communicate with the dead because nobody alive wants to communicate with you.

YOUR father is also your brother mother.

YOU could walk into any room with a group of happy people and fuck up their day, including church, a wedding ceremony or a baby shower.

YOU are emotionally unstable.

YOU think that Adam Sandler is funny.

YOU rape your parents and siblings.

YOU are a sore loser who collects SSI/SSD.

YOU are the one who puts the ass in jackass.

YOU are an Americunt.

YOU should never have any children.

YOU have a rape-face!

YOU are a geek.

YOU are so pathetic that you have to take antidepressants to treat your "depression," an illness that you rightfully deserve.

YOU are behind the disappearance of Flight MH370.

YOU were that one kid in school that other kids would make fun of and bully.

YOU are The Antichrist.

YOU are the cavities in the human mouth.

YOU wash your clothes once a month and wear the same stinky outfit every day.

YOU think that just because someone else's life is also shit that somehow makes yours better.

YOU are a Canuck.

Puzzle globe logo
These kids are better than You in every way.
This game was designed for you to play with the friends you don't have.

YOU are the root of all evil. If you were to kill yourself, corruption in the government would come to an end.

YOU killed Michael Jackson.

YOU are The Nightmare on Elm Street.

YOU were that pathetic, lonely kid in school with no friends and never had anybody hang out with you.

YOU are a pothead.

YOU submit shit on DeviantArt and never get noticed.

YOU are trash. Trailer trash, to be exact.

YOU caused the death of Heath Ledger.

YOU have no purpose or value in life.

YOU are the reason Detroit is a shit place to live.

YOU cause depression, anxiety and mental sickness of others.

YOU abuse children.

YOU cause war and genocide.

YOU are a potential school shooter and have been placed under the watch of the NSA.

YOU caused the Atlantic Slave Trade.

YOU find British humo(u)r funny.

YOU drowned Natalie Wood.

YOU abused sick and injured animals as a child because you had nothing else to take your anger and frustration out on, you fucking psychopath!

YOU were the cause of 9/11.

YOU were also the cause of 7/7.

YOU bomb the Middle East.

YOU are the reason why Jews and Palestinians hate each other.

YOU are a fuck-up.

YOU [ȝow] is an ambiguous word that can be either plural or singular depending on the context (which may itself be ambiguous). English is unique in this regard. French does it too, but it's still not common. Eastern languages such as Korean, Chinese and Japanese do this as well, plurality is usually implied and the "plural" suffix is more accurately translated to "and company". Ask a linguist.

YOU are the laughing stock of the world.

YOU live in your bedroom.

YOU fantasize about performing fellatio on me, you sick fucking degenerate freak.

YOU are a real-life horror movie.

YOU have an ugly face that scares people away.

YOU smoke crack.

YOU caused Kurt Cobain's death.

YOU never can get through the entire ED Offended page because you're such a big pussy.

YOU think people are laughing with you when truth be told, they are laughing at you!

YOU are going to Hell, and rightfully so.

YOU should just go fuck yourself. On second thought, DON'T, no one wants to risk the possibility of you breeding / having offspring with yourself, nor picture it and go mad from the sheer horror.

YOU log on your Facebook and hardly get any messages or "likes". In fact you constantly refresh your Facebook profile in case you find someone messaging or liking anything on your page, you fucking douchebag!

YOU have cancer cells in your body which will hopefully kill you eventually.

YOU just accidentally a whole Fleshlight. (Nice going, fucktard!)

YOU think the Moon orbits around the Sun (dumbfuck!).

YOU are the reason why children go missing.

YOU should die.

YOU suck at life.

YOU will shoot up your school.

YOU have considerable psychological issues.

YOU are a homosexual.

YOU are the reason why people go to counseling and therapy.

YOU were slow in school.

YOU are a moron and probably a cunt, and yet, this website will still beg you for money.

YOU are the reason why the Columbine shootings occurred.

YOU eat shit.

YOU are the Omen Child.

YOU are an undercover FBI Rat.

YOU are a disappointment.

YOU have appeared on that Dateline NBC show, "To Catch A Predator" and was caught trying to get fingered by a 12-year-old boy you met online.

YOU are stupid.

YOU should be murdered.

YOU created the Black Plague.

YOU are why the 1998 remake of Godzilla got made.

YOU joined the military just to massacre brown people in Iraq and Afghanistan, you sadistic motherfucker.

YOU have bad B.O.

YOU are the reason why people commit suicide. In fact, you don't have to do much to persuade an individual to off themselves; looking at your face alone would do the deed. HA, HA, HA!

YOU have a face that only Mommy could love.

YOU aren't worth the wax in a person's ear.

YOU will never find true love.

YOU are the zits on a person's face.

YOU are a waste of existence.

YOU have flies swarming around you.

YOU can't keep a legitimate job or career.

YOU live off a disability check because you're too fucking stupid to keep a job!

YOU caused the riots in London.

YOU are weird.

YOU do not have any true, loyal friends; all you have are people who pretend to be your friends just to set you up.

YOU are the reason why fat people are the way that they are.

YOU are disgusting.

YOU cause people to fight each other.

YOU pick your nose and eat it.

YOU also scratch your ass and sniff it.

YOU are banned from the United Kingdom.

YOU will hopefully die painfully and horridly, in the near future.

YOU should shut the fuck up; nothing what you say is worth anything.

YOU are uncool.

YOU caused the death of Steve Irwin.

YOU like the Smurfs.

YOU have a small baby-carrot sized dick!

YOU are the reason why people can't love and get along with each other.

YOU believe in aliens.

YOU are so ugly that you'd break a mirror.

YOU are one big joke.

YOU are pure evil... like Adolf Hitler and George W. Bush evil!

YOU aren't worth the ash in a cigarette can.

YOU are a dumbfuck.

YOU are Mr.Hands.

YOU have AIDS. And if you don't, you should.

YOU aren't the worth the trash in a dumpster.

YOU eat at McDonald's every day.

YOU are the cancer cells in a tumor.

YOU are responsible for every single devastating atrocity that occurred throughout all humankind.

YOU were an unwanted pregnancy.

YOU have head lice crawling in your hair.

YOU are responsible for Quest for Camelot's existence.

YOU smoke shitty weed.

YOU are dying alone and hopefully soon!

YOU can't do anything right.

YOU are Adam Lanza.

YOU caused the The Black Death.

YOU are ugly fugly, inside and out -- so ugly that we at ED want to throw up.

YOU are the reason people grieve and have suffering pain in their hearts.

YOU were cursed since the second you were born.

YOU are the reason why there is suffering in this world.

YOU should lose weight, you fat fuck!

YOU were born one miserable, stormy night when your slut of a mother walked in the hospital drunk and high after smoking crack with the nurses and fucking the janitor.

YOU send anthrax in the mail, you dick.

YOU killed Tupac and Biggie.

YOU sleep alone every night after you cry yourself to sleep.

YOU are developmentally delayed.

YOU are a fat greasy pizza-faced lardball who will be a virgin for the rest of your pathetic and meaningless life.

YOU can never look at yourself in the mirror.

YOU follow external links from ED and enjoy what you find.

YOU order porn on Pay-per-view.

YOU are the biggest faggot walking this planet.

YOU are the reason why people hate each other.

YOU shit your pants.

YOU shot JFK.

YOU tried to blank this page, and got banned.

YOU also shot MLK.

YOU probably also shot Malcolm X.

YOU get people hooked on crack.

YOU killed Princess Diana.

YOU can only wish you had shitting dick nipples, because you are convinced they're hawt.

YOU are a redneck.

YOU cry yourself to sleep every night.

YOU are that one loser who is always lagging behind everyone else.

YOU spend endless hours chatting on Facebook, but your friendlist is still mostly spammers.

YOU started the World Wars.

YOU use people, and people often use you.

YOU can't fight; even a little girl can kick your weak ass!

YOU slaughtered the Native Americans.

YOU are the scum of the earth.

YOU are a (poor) troll.

YOU often venture in online chatrooms looking for attention but don't get any, because you are a pathetic moron.

YOU are a furfag.

YOU are only good for the pussy between your legs.

YOU shop at Wal-Mart.

YOU are a fat, ugly, obnoxious fucking retard who spends their time trying to bring down others to make you feel good about yourself.

YOU are a brony, and you think that doesn't also make you a furfag.

YOU aren't worth the dandruff in somebody's hair.

YOU caused James Dean's death.

YOU have cancer and AIDS, or rather, You ARE cancer and AIDS

YOU are the bacteria in infections.

YOU cause the death of children.

YOU still play World of Warcraft.

YOU are a direct descendant of Hitler.

YOU are also related to somebody who's in the Ku Klux Klan.

YOU suck at anything and everything you do.

YOU aren't hated because you're fat, you're fat because you're hated.

YOU drive people to drink themselves to death.

YOU also drive people to eat themselves to death.

YOU are the reincarnation of Ted Bundy.

YOU caused the Bush fires in Australia.

YOU killed JFK, Jr.

YOU think Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu are actually persecuted instead of the other way around.

YOU think Anita Sarkeesian is for the good of internet freedom.

YOU were purposely dropped on your head when you were a baby.

YOU aren't worth anything in life.

YOU write M rated fan fiction about My Little Pony that only someone with super autism and a brain covered with metal sheddings can even begin to take enjoyment from, because you know it's the closest thing to pussy or cock that you will ever get.

YOU think The Internet is serious business.

YOU are a slob.

Somehow, YOU wonder why people hated you at school.

YOU killed Marilyn Monroe.

YOU were personally responsible for the Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre.

YOU spend your life trying to get people to support what you do.

YOU suffer from Depression, which you deserve.

YOU caused the Civil War.

YOU think Family Guy is funny.

YOU masturbate to child porn.

YOU own 32 Bad Dragon dildos.

YOU wank to goatse, you sick fuck.

YOU should be raped.

YOU sat through over 9000 revolutions of meatspin, you disgusting homo!

YOU are white trash.

YOU aren't worth the leftover cum in a trashed condom.

YOU had to do the above with a mirror because you starred in the video as the tranny (disregard that, you will never be nearly as attractive as neither of the actors in meatspin).

YOU have chocolate rain as your ringtone.

YOU have shitty taste in music.

YOU are a disease-ridden used up whore that isn't even wanted by your pervert uncle.

YOU spend your entire time at adult book stores.

YOU are the reason why people gather at funerals.

YOU give yourself hickies with a vacuum in an attempt to fool people that you actually have a lover. But you're not fooling anyone but yourself!

YOU voted for George W. Bush. Twice.

YOU voted for Barack Hussein Obama. Twice.

YOU voted for Bill Clinton. Twice.

YOU want to rape your friends and family.

YOU are a member of the Westboro Baptist Church.

YOU are in a shitty local band no one likes, although a few people may claim to so that you don't feel bad.

YOU try your best to impress others but fail horribly at it.

YOU are subscribed to TheAmazingAtheist on Youtube.

YOU are also subscribed to MeganSpeaks and LifeInATent on there as well.

YOU have wet dreams about getting anally raped by Piccolo.

YOU can't hold your liquor.

YOU sucked your sister's dildo to find out what it felt like to be on the giving end.

YOU have a blue waffle so a dildo is all the dick you'll ever get.

YOU shit down public toilets without cleaning up afterwards, you vandal!

YOU need to stop kidding yourself, they picked you last in gym because you are a fat sack of shit.

YOU consider yourself to have a "competitive personality" because you play on Xbox Live.

YOU are an Americunt, therefore you're a resident of the most stupid, asinine nation in the world. Be proud.

YOU fap to the The Queen of England, thou foul peasant!

YOU masturbate to anatomy pictures in your Biology Zoology text book.

YOU cut yourself.

YOU were never asked out on a date in your entire pathetic life.

YOU also got rejected by everyone you asked to be your prom date.

YOU never wipe properly after taking a dump, therefore there are so many skid-marks in your underwear that it looks like an Egyptian roadmap!

YOU have been looking up some Runescape porn.

YOU were raped as a child.

YOU are a failure.

YOU suck thousands upon thousands of cocks daily cannot even get a cock in your mouth, shithead.

YOU always sit alone by yourself.


YOU were abandoned by your "boyfriend" after he knocked you up.

YOU slash children with a stanley outside of kindergarten.

YOU are Friday the 13th.

YOU masturbate to shota/futa loli.

YOU created because you think that making Advice dog variations are funny, way to go for spreading more cancer you fucking asshole.

YOU believe people should listen to what you have to say, when truth be told nobody gives a fuck.

YOU have mosquito bites for tits.

YOU are NEET, a waste of resources. Just fucking Kill Yourself.

YOU can't wait to call Gamestop and ask for Battletoads.

YOU are a total bum.

YOU bought Wii Fit to lose weight, but stopped playing after seeing your body mass index.

YOU are a Muslim.

YOU finger yourself to blue balls.

YOU think this list is just written about someone likely to read it, like the average /b/tard or EDiot, while it is actually written about you and only you!

YOU are the reason your mom cries and your dad drinks.

YOU are on your uncle's favorite fapping picture. His second favorite is your mom.

YOU are a Weeaboo.

YOU are an STD.

YOU suck.

YOU seriously suck.

YOU suck dick.

YOU are the result of a broken condom.

YOU were conceived because your mom was raped by your drunken dad.

YOU just lost the game.

YOU will never find a soul mate.

And on the subject of the game, YOU will never win the game, no matter how hard you try.

YOU called rule34 on a fetus. What the fuck!?

YOU have a power level of 0,0264.

YOU never had a BF or GF in School.

YOU really want to go outside and kill yourself right now, and you would, if only you were physically able to move outside of your basement.

YOU equip giant weapons on your World of Warcraft character to draw attention away from your micropenis.

YOU have more yellow stains on your teeth than you do in your toilet.

YOU have been permanently banned from all boards for the following reason: child pornography.

YOU are a fucking gypsy.

YOU are also a Jew, which means you are a gypsyjew.

YOU are an accident who has no purpose in life. There is no reason for you to exist and you should become an hero.

YOU are merely a blip on the world's radar.

YOU have Candace syndrome.

YOU started the swine flu. Way to go, jackass.

YOU write 400-page walkthroughs for GameFAQs with a tl;dr disclaimer at the top threatening legal action against anyone who violates the copyright of your intellectual property, as if you could afford liability coverage for your shitkicker station wagon, much less a lawyer.

YOU are a nigger, being a nigger, a gypsy and a jew all at the same time means that you are a nomadic jewnigger.

YOU get trolled into online political debates in which you call your opponents "idiot" and "moron" so repetitively that it loses all meaning, then claim to be in law school or business school or med school or whichever prestigious university you believe would give your opinion credibility, when in fact you've been living with your mom since you dropped out of high school 9 years ago.

YOU are a pedophile who advocates age-of-consent reform under some twisted delusion that even Helen Keller at 12 would have consented to fucking your fat, ugly, smelly, hairy, nasty, pimply-ridden ass.

YOU will never get laid.

YOU are the true definition of a cunt.

YOU have more dirty dishes in front of your computer than you have in the kitchen sink.

YOU will never be remembered after your death (which will hopefully occur soon).

YOU sleep alone every night. Even your dog won't sleep in your bed because you smell like shit

YOU wear T-shirts with cynical, sarcastic slogans that deride humanity to give a false pretense that it's you who hates the world and not the other way around.

YOU live in a trailer.

YOU wanna fuck Krystal up the ass. Pervert.

YOU have a poster of The Little Mermaid on your wall, and fap to it every night.

YOU are such a pathetic wimp that you go to 4chan and make greentext stories about how you just won an IRL fight, which is false because you don't go outside.

YOU love The Jonas Brothers.

YOU believe everything Glenn Beck says.

YOU are a hillbilly redneck.

YOU listen to Justin Bieber.

YOU think "Sanjay and Craig" ripped off "Regular Show"

YOU are a motherfucker. And when we say you're a motherfucker, we're not referring to you as a "cool" motherfucker like Samuel L. Jackson, either. No, you're just a motherfucker, period!

YOU decline the fact that your family tree is a telephone pole, but it is.

YOU are a douchebag.

YOU hopefully will die a violent death.

YOU caused the Sandy Hook massacre.

YOU are a faggot.

YOU are a dyke.

YOU are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

YOU are fired.

YOU are Gay-for-pay.

YOU post comments expressing your useless opinions on the Daily Mail website, and you often get thumbed down.

YOU Are a bicurious angsty teenager who listens to My Chemical Romance while cutting your wrist, you emo.

YOU are the main source of anti-lulz on the internet.

YOU have body dysmorphic disorder, even though you look like a fucking skeleton.

YOU got IP banned from pornhub.

YOU pull up CMD on a school computer to make people think you are a pro h4x0r

YOU were Saddam Hussein's sex slave.

YOU are the Anti-Lulz.

YOU can't afford a decent PC.

YOU think the Jewnited States of Americunts is really here to help other countries achieve democracy, and fervently supports every single one of the "Revolutions" they impose on other countries, making you a dancing puppet.

YOU are a Social Justice Warrior.

YOU are a loser.

YOU are my bitch.

YOU want WW3.

YOU are the only nigga alive that actually pays a hooker in GTA San Andres, and not kill her and get your money back. But never mind, you don't have any fucking money

YOU created shitty music.

YOU masturbate to gay pokemon porn, fucking furfag.

YOU are the cancer that is killing /b/.

YOU finger your sister and suck off your brother.

YOU still don't know this list is specifically about you!

YOU won the faggot of the year.

YOU think Autism Speaks actually helps autistic people!

YOU (and this is the worst thing of all) you are You.

YOU hate normies and are a social reject loser who faps to anime.

YOU make blind kids cry.

YOU have nothing better to do then read this site. Loser.

YOUr parents and grandparents are all cousins.

YOU are the reason Kurt Cobain committed self pwnage.

YOU read through this list.

So do us a favor, Kill yourself. Your death will reduce the world population, make it a better place, reduce the cost of real estate, and possibly end world hunger.

Did You Know that:

YOU don't know the girl you're secretly in love with, that works in MacDonalds at the weekends, refers to you as a 'greasy cunt' with the people she works with?

YOU sing "Are we human, or are we dancer?" instead of the correct "Are we human, or are we denser?"

YOU can't handle Cubic Time, Cubic Life or Cubic Truth - for inside of Time Cube equates the most magnificent symmetry of opposites existing within the universe - for every corner has an equal opposite corner, every 2 corners has an equal opposite 2 corners, every tri-corner has an equal opposite tri-corner and every 4 corners has an equal opposite 4 corners?


YOU are dependent on other people to make you feel good?

YOU fap to Thai shemale porn?

YOU don't have a job?

YOU have Diabeetus and may qualify for a free meter from Liberty Medical?

YOU wear Silk Screen Goku Shirts?

YOU sit at home, wishing they would call?

YOU are so fat your gravitational pull will soon mess up the Earth?

YOU are a festering shit stain on evolutions cycle?

YOU suck?

YOU collect plastic crap?

YOU screw on the side of the road Oh right, You never have and never will be screwed you cunt.

YOU fail at life, the Internet, and comedy?

YOU don't have any friends?

YOU sucked someone off so you could get the money to buy a Nintendo DS?.

YOU are best represented in this game?

YOU are an angsty, bisexual, atheist teenager?

YOU would be killing brain cells if you had any?

YOU are the reason why we can't have nice things?

YOU create fake Facebook accounts and talk to young girls?

YOU missed your father's funeral to play Heroes of Newerth? Not just because you're an asshole, but because he fucking hated you?

YOU ALSO missed out on your sister's wedding to play Runescape?

YOU Photoshop yourself to look good on Facebook?

YOU can't do it? And if you are, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

YOU like being wrong and YOU enjoy being corrected? But YOU never learn any thing.

YOU think you have a life but you don't live?

YOU have ADHD and Asperger's syndrome?

YOU spend most of your day on ED and SL because you don't have a first life?

YOU feed on Internet binary code? - how ever the fuck that works...

Go away.PNG

YOU are the most in the closet FAG ever?

YOU fail it (your skill is not enough)?

YOU Fail because your evil will be your undoing?

YOU are an internet tough guy?

YOU are an ass pirate?

YOU get butthurt when someone PWNS your fucking ass?

YOU fuck your whole family cause YOU gotta keep teh inbreeding going?

YOU are bulimic, but your ugly face can't be fixed?

YOU hate Furries so much that YOU have accounts on several of their websites?

YOU masturbate to furry porn?

YOU are so dumb you can't even add 1+1 you don't know what + is, but you still use it to make emoticons?

YOU hate furry art so much that YOU look at every new furry vid on Jewtube and watch every anthropomorphic second of it?

YOU can NOT stop the Furries from yiffing no matter how much you try no matter how much you want to?

YOU can NOT stop zoophiles from loving animals no matter how wrong you think it is?

YOU can NOT stop looking at your mom's saggy tits or your dad's limp dick?


YOU have bestiality autism? (YOU see dog cock and dog sex every where you go)

YOU have erectile dysfunction and educational disorder?

YOU lost the game before it started?

YOU are worse than TheAmazingAtheist?

YOU ARE the cancer that has killed /b/?

YOU started going to ED when you were 13?

YOU don't have ANY of the signs of maturity (a large scar somewhere on your body, have had or need knee surgery, and a hairy mole)?

YOU like it in the ass?

YOU are addicted to sniffing paint and huffing Gas?

YOU think that you don't take the internet seriously but you do?

YOU only get sex when YOU put on your 2 tone power space armor?

YOU are NOT wanted by Uncle Sam?

YOU can dish it out but YOU can't take it?

YOU will NEVER get IT?

YOU are a failed abortion?

YOU were not born, but hatched in a petri dish during an 8th grade science class? You were then thrown out at the end of 7th period and were found fermenting in a gutter in New Jersey. Those morbidly obese smelly sacks of flesh you call your parents found you and decided to keep you as a pet and got you everything their welfare money can afford, which is why you're reading this rather long wall of text.

YOU probably contributed to this very article, pretending it doesn't apply to YOUrself?

YOU go to porn websites and think you're having sex, although it's the closest you'll ever be to it?

YOUR only reason for visiting this site is so that YOU don't sound like the newfag that YOU are?

YOU actually think this article is about YOU and not the long, retarded parody that it is?

YOU love getting banned by other sites because it's so fulfilling and worth 5 cents?

YOUR every excuse for fucking failing at every day social life is: "But I have Ass Burgers syndrome" you fucking loser!

YOU smoke Mudkips way too much?

YOU gonna get raped?

YOU are special? Don't let anyone else make you think otherwise...

YOU feel better about yourself from reading the sentence above even though you know it isn't true?

YOU should kill yourself?

YOU will screw that up too. AGAIN.

YOU think that this article is talking to anyone who reads this in general but really it is directly talking to you?

YOU where conceived when your father was drunk and masturbated into a mud puddle, then paid your crackwhore mother to wrestle a badger naked in that puddle for a 3 cigarettes. She then passed out and was struck by lightning, energizing the badger shit/Sean Hannity Semen/Dead Crackwhore soup, creating thousands of new species of germs. After a week of rotting under the sun, this soup rectally was consumed by a homeless schizophrenic meth addict beaner, where you coagulated into a shit fetus within his intestines for 2 days before you where shat out behind an bar in Oklahoma. Only the Devils admiration of such a disturbing and twisted being kept you alive long enough before a pack of niggers took mercy on you and raised you on a diet of their own shit and pig blood, because they didn't care about you because your so god damn ugly, stupid and worthless. Just fucking kill yourself. Get the fuck out of here. You will never know love, joy, laughter or the touch of the opposite sex. God weeps at the fact of your existence, for only he knows how truly pointless it is, and how useless you are. The end. Bitch.

seriously though, YOU really are a bitch.

YOU are a steaming pile of shit that should be hung for being such an asshole.

YOU don't even find this entire article offensive. Not one bit.

YOU are one load your mother should have swallowed.

YOU are a wonderful person.

YOU make all men vomit.

YOU are a MotoGP Prostitute.

YOU had the first kiss with Casey Stoner.

YOU are a retail item.

YOU are an ED user, whether new or a veteran.

YOU are a niggerfaggot,and therefore you're unstable.

A Handy Guide of You

You and web 2.0

We realize that many of you are just "the typical middle-class fuck". Blogging, vlogging, podcasting, writing, editing, coding, drawing, tagging - all under the hope that your self-indulgent jizz-stain of work will be plastered on the front page of Time, or if not that, some shitty Web 2.0 site. You're wrong, you are nobody, and you will never be what you dream. TL;DR nobody cares.

Typical Reaction to your face

If YOU Are...


If you are a cracker, then chances are you're a meth-head. Your skin is pasty and your teeth are so yellow from smoking all of that cheap-shit weed yo' broke-ass mommy hid around the trailer. You prolly ain't got a job, but if you do, it's ten hours a week at some shitty, white trash store like Family Dollar. You were born a racist and you hate everybody. You think that NASCAR is the greatest sport ever. You can't get on welfare 'cuz your poor white ass is lazy. You fuck your cousins on a daily basis and you smell like a dog while out in the rain.

If you are a nigger, you live in some rat-infested ghetto shit hole. You make a living robbin da gubbamint. Your skin color is so fucking black that nobody can see you in the dark. You think that KFC and Popeye's are the best places to eat because yanno that all niggers love fried chicken. You most certainly have about ten kids with different baby mamas or daddies because you're too unintelligent to use protection and graduate high school. You think with your dick or pussy and not your brain, because well, you are a nigger. You use crack, worship Tupac and believe OJ Simpson is the symbolism of nigger justice.

If you are a chink… Well, truth be told, you rate as a third minority that nobody really gives a shit about, other than to use you to pass mathematics class and laugh at your goofy eyes. All you do is eat cats, worship your obese Buddha and cause traffic accidents.

If you are a spic Then you are a minority who would get treated like a nigger as if he was in Finland. Meaning America sees you as their little bitch, less than dogshit and despite all the Jewfags who tell you that you are living the American Dream we are all still paying you a lot less really, the only reason you are getting so much money from welfare is because of your ridiculous amount of children and you sue McDonalds, Taco Bell and other cheap restaurants and blame it on you getting into fat-fucks. We only need you guys for one thing and that's to do the stupid, useless jobs nobody, not even the Britfag Pollacks wanna do, and that's just the way it is.

If you are NATIVE AMERICAN, see above. Your kind is rapidly becoming extinct by the day due to Alcoholism and retarded children. You're ugly and smell like cat piss. Fuck your Jew-operated casinos that you own, redface.

If you are a Kike, then you are a worthless piece of shit who is responsible for killing Jesus, causing 9/11, violent Arabs and basically the concept of religion in the first place, fuck you and your evil scheming ways in order to take over America, scumbag. You are a hypochondriac Nerd with a nasal, raspy, whiny voice and a goofy accent and are undoubtedly inbred (Ashkenazim).

If you are an Arab, then you are an evil hairy ugly inbred ablutophobic, greasy (did I mention hairy) monkey who scream words in your language (gibberish) steal all of our oil and bugger little boys and rape white women (just like our niggers) whom you are always managing to try and convert into your shitty Islamic religion which even Britfags are now doing, screw you Pakis.

If you are an Indian, then you stink like shit, have an annoying accent and a tiny penis and SUCK at managing your job at 7-ELEVEN and at Tech Support.

If you are a Turk, you are a filthy horde of short, smelly, ugly, hairy twits who pollute and take over Germany, same as what Spics are doing to the United States, Pakis are doing to England and what Algerians are doing to France though nobody cares about Frogmunchers anyway so why comment on that? P.S. You scumbags are NOT Italian so stop trying to act like it you are failing miserably. You women are as ugly as fuck which is why some of you choose to be transsexuals.

If you are Italian, then you are a gay dick-sucking Guido or a lesbian pussy-licking Guidette.

If you are in high school, then you will always be the Loner.

If you are a Loner...

If you are Kraut then you suck ass and only bully France because you like starting crap and are bullshit at winning wars and you have never won one, you also get bullied by Greece regularly too and get Mexico'ed by Turkey.

If you are American, you are a citizen of the most fucked up nation on earth. You think being over 200 pounds is average as you dine at McDonald's and Wendy's. You are obese and stupid; you don't know how many sides a fucking triangle has, or who the Prime Minister of Canada is. There's lots of lulzy shit about you that the rest of the world laughs at.

If you are a Britfag you are a filthy rotten little chav or Essex girl who talks like a Down's Syndrome child and say "init" all the fucking time, you have rotten crooked yellow teeth and are even more inbred than a hillnigger with a lot more shitty bling on the side. Londonistan is under constant surveillance by the Government, you deserved what you have gotten and it is all because of YOU.

If you are Ukrainia, you suck Polish, Russian, American and other dicks. You have made some Maydan but it didn't prevent you from sucking dicks.


  • Learning how not to shit your pants.
  • Remaining a virgin until you're 25. forever.
  • Not having any work history whatsoever and never finding a legitimate career.
  • Being an absolute faggot.
  • Masturbating 3x in a row.
  • Not contributing anything worthwhile to the world.
  • Gaining lots of weight and being a fat lazy fuck.
  • Scoring a part-time job with a shitty position at McDonald's/KFC/WalMart while working 10 hours a week.
  • Making people want to kill themselves.
    • Disappointing your parents, and making them kill themselves.
  • Making a web comic that looks like a 5 year old wiped his ass with ms paint.


YOU will soon die, horribly of course.

When YOU pass away, the world will become a much happier place.

YOU will be forgotten for eternity.

YOU will have people pissing on your grave.

At the second YOU die, sadness and pain in the world will end.

YOU will be suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer.

YOU will die alone, so don't worry about anyone else suffering with you.

YOU can put a metal fork into a electrical outlet to jump start YOUR brain.

YOU will never breed.

YOU can commit suicide to make the world a better place and be remembered as an hero.

YOU will be shot.

YOU were invited to Lulzcon! This is the single most importantly lulzy experience of YOUR life. But if YOU'RE reading this now, YOU probably failed to get there. Fucking loser. YOU suck ass and YOU secretly enjoy saying the cake is a lie while YOU masturbate in the shower.

YOUR penis is a stub. YOU can help by tugging on it.

YOUR childern will not be as ugly as you, since you will never be able to reproduce with that horrible face and tiny penis of yours. This is a lie, as no one will ever mate with you.

Luckily there is hope.

Granted you will most likely fail even at this.

Gunnery Sargent Hartman

The sooner you accept it, the faster you'll realize the only solution is doing the world a favor and removing yourself.

Gunnery Sargent Hartman is the world's foremost expert on YOU. YOUR only hope to become something even remotely useful is by signing up in the Marines and entering boot camp under his command - but that won't ever happen, because lest we forget, YOU are the world's biggest vagina.



YOU About missing Pics

See also

Your destiny has been planned out from the very beginning.

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Featured article June 13, 2010
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