Youngstown used to be a nice city in Ohio until at least 100 years ago when Mike Sandy did a Doofenshmirtz and took it over, quickly driving it into the direction of becoming shithole city full of AIDS and FAIL that it has come to be known for. Some have said that before Mike Sandy, Youngstown was an Eden full of Intelect and hapiness but with his, Mike Sandy's coming it turned into the Murder Capital of the USA when he decided that Youngstown should echo his dark, Emo inner soul.
The Youngstown-Warren Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA) averages over 9,000 people, 102% of which are either nigras, Italian,or mexicans and all of whom are the 1337 haxors because they have all finished computer science 3.
It should be noted that the city has a popular saying, "If the Gangs don't kill you then the cops will," because everyone in the city is so scared of it's shadow, no one leaves their house without Kevlar on because even the cops will shoot at the slightest sound of BOO.
—TrumpOur great god emperor during his visit to Younstowwn July 25, 2017
- 1 History
- 2 Fun Things To Do In Youngstown
- 3 What your Average Criminal Looks like in Youngstown
- 4 Climate
- 5 Education
- 6 Emo Infestation
- 7 Butthurt Over Yurich Trial
- 8 Robert Seman, Child Molester and Child Killer An Heroes
- 9 Promiscuous News Reporters
- 10 Zombie Racoons
- 11 Drugs
- 12 Our City Can Make Yours Dissapear
- 13 People Of Interest
- 14 Richard Pryor On Youngstown
- 15 Summing It Up
- 16 See Also
- 17 External links
Last Thursday, Youngstown was one of the primary fleshlight and steel manufacturers in the United States. Then, after getting pwned in WWII, Japan flooded the market with Wii, black people, and shitty steel. The resulting economic butt-fuck earned Youngstown the nickname Epic Fail City. Around this time, a bunch of guidos in the mafia were running out of pasta and money and started putting drama bombs in ppls cars. This earned car bombs the nickname Youngstown-tuneups, and Youngstown itself earned several other nicknames, including Little Chicago, Murdertown USA, Yompton, and Edward J. DeBartolo's Cluster Fuck From Hell. When Lincoln Continental freed the slaves, a bunch of black people showed up looking for jobs, white women, and cheap Crack.
Then, congressman Jim Traficant took some bribes and ignored some murders. He got caught, of course, and the trial was shown on national TV, humiliating the city in front of the whole country once again. Realizing the severity of the situation, local minorities began making babies and forming street gangs until Youngstown became the shining beacon of economic and political failure it is today, with most of its residents living at or below the federal poverty line.
Fun Things To Do In Youngstown
- If you're a dago guinea wop greaseball goombah you can always run around wearing Nike Jogging Suits and pretend that you're a part of the Mafia
- Get raped by niggers
- Get robbed by niggers
- Get shot by niggers
- Get AIDS from niggers
- Buy drugs from niggers
- Become a wigger and join one of the over 9,000 gangs in the area
- Start a nice Heroin Habit
- Troll IRL
- Pwn noobs with the The Power 5
- Raep 16 year old girls
- Buy a camera and produce your own CP
- Go to Jail
- Drink Natural Light or Keystone
What your Average Criminal Looks like in Youngstown
Northeastern Ohio is notorious for its completely fucktarded weather patterns and persistently overcast skies. The sun only comes out twice a year in Youngstown, and meteorologists speculate that this is because god hates violent minorities almost as much as he hates teh Jews. In Youngstown, it is possible to experience all four seasons in one day.
Local weather forecasts now include drive-by shootings as well as precipitation, considering both happen equally as often and are equally predictable.
Youngstown's school system is full of retards, crack babies, and teenage mothers.
Youngstown State University is full of gay homos that think the azns and curry niggers that only go there for the slightly above average engineering college, black people that only got in because of their lax admissions and about a million inscrutable frat boys that go there only to half-ass a 4 year business degree so no one complains when daddy hires his son in over people that have invested their life in the company, because they are too dumb to leave or too drunk to drive and it's within walking distance. It is also home to one of the most forgettable football teams in college sports history and if it weren't for its football team's members making National news every two years because they gang raped a Junior High School girl or forced a 13-year-old boy to be in a video where he's sucking off the whole team, even the National Collegiate Athletics Association would forget they have a football team.is something to be proud of,
The 16 year old girls and 13 year old boys of Youngstown took to the emo trend of the 2000's like ducks to water, the only difference was they were slightly more androgynous than ducks and were slightly more capable of threatening suicide OL. It is not unusual to see roving packs of prepubescent scenester fucks flocking to Hot Topic at the shopping mall or standing around looking depressed at rock shows.
Most of these retards worship a local band called Another Found Self, which has an openly homosexual lead singer named Julian (or butt-plunger for short). AFS used to have a forum, but had to remove it due to constant trolling by people who found it necessary to photoshop various members of the band engaging in homoerotic acts.
Butthurt Over Yurich Trial
Every uneducated black person in the city of Youngstown, Ohio is crying corruption and preferential treatment because Dr. Joseph Yurich who was found guilty of the misdemeanor charges of vehicular homicide and leaving the scene of an accident was only sentenced to 10 days in jail plus other punishments such as community service and house arrest.
Trying to use their uneducated monkey brains for more than thinking of how to score dope, figuring out how many Flavor-Aid packets are needed to make a gallon of grape drink when a single packet makes a quart or who they are going to rape tonight, the minority population of Youngstown is trying to compare felony punishments for drug dealing and murder to misdemeanor punishments. These idiots are trying to make the case that the good Doctor only got off easy because he is white, actually his parents are from Spain, educated and rich. If he were black, they want intelligent people to believe, he'd be doing 20 years even though the crimes he was convicted of don't carry these kinds of sentence recomendation.
All these fuckwits are doing is ensuring that everyone knows why Youngstown rates so high as a ghetto city in the State of Ohio and America because these 7th grade drop outs can't get it through their heads that misdemeanor and felony charges are two different animals entirely and the only way these mental midgets can settle this ignorance is to blame it on the White Man's Conspiracy to keep the Black Man down.
What once used to be a state that was known for birthing brilliant engineers, astronauts, politicians, designers and creative artists now only can birth retard after retard.
If Our God Emperor Trump has any empathy he will hire someone to rip this state's uterus out or push it down the stairs the next time it gets pregnant.
Robert Seman, Child Molester and Child Killer An Heroes
On the warm, sunny day of the tenth of April 2017 Robert Seman, Brony and obsessed twitter follower of Tara Strong who was on trial for murdering a child in a house fire to keep her from testifying about his repeated rapes of her, decided that the decent thing for him to do and the best way to apologize for his being born would be to meet the devil halfway and an hero by throwing himself off of the top floor, center balcony of the Mahoning County Courthouse to the marble floor below.
Seman discovered that as a pedophile in an Ohio prison he'd be subjected to a favorite Ohio inmate game called lifeflighting where you don't kill the pervert but beat them within an inch of their life so they have to be life flighted out to a hospital and are then returned to prison when they have improved. The idea behind the game as one inmate puts it. "If you kill them, it's over. But this way we make sure they keep getting what's coming to them."
There were some allegations that Seman may have been pushed by a sheriff deputy but even the Youngstown local news responded with "Really? Who said that? Who thinks it's a bad thing to protect society from a kiddie freak?" After which, no one responded.
Seman will not be missed. Even his mother made sure to spit on his corpse and kick him in his dead balls while calling him a failure as a son and human being. No Golden iPod will be sent to hell for him. To quote the admins here at Encyclopedia Dramatica, "We hope the devil starts by parking a diesel train engine up his ass."
Promiscuous News Reporters
Local news anchor Catherine Bosley achieved temporary internet stardom when she was caught participating in a wet t-shirt contest while on spring break in Key West, Florida in 2004. Claiming to have only done it for the lulz wasn't enough to save her job, however. Apparently proud of her strange, grapefruit-like tits, Catherine did a triple shot of tequila and the promptly sacrificed her job for the few minutes of attention she so desperately craved. Exactly three seconds later, the pictures were all over teh internets. Having been a news anchor for well over ten years, opportunities to be in front of a camera were few and far between.
If you needed any more proof that Youngstown, Ohio is a hellish, soulless abattoir of moral decay that God will, one day, get around to uncreating and that secret black opp government agencies are putting fluoride in their water for nefarious purposes such as creating a super powered murder nigger, the city's residents are now claiming to be overrun by a horde of zombie racoons.
Trying to put the citizens at ease and hopefully ignore the large government agency hiding behind the screen, experts are claiming that people are simply confusing racoon distemper as zombie behavior.
Confused behavior in the racoon, a pus-like discharge from its eyes, coughing up blood and the racoon's body decaying to the point that its bones and internal organs can be seen through its decompsing skin can easily be explaimed by the distemper virus, experts have said, and there's no reason for people to worry. For no other reason than safety and to keep the virus from spreading to dogs and other pets, government agencies such as the Ohio Department of Wildlife are asking people to report these diseased racoons so they can be euthanized and incinerated after their brains have been properly dissected.
One of the few things Youngstown has going for it is cheap drugs.An Eight Ball of Crack averages about $70 in the city leading many conspiracy theorists to argue that the government is secretly behind the demise of Youngstown while others argue that the City of Youngstown is behind such cut throat prices because it is trying to inflate its numbers by drawing addicts into its city limits with cheap drug prices.However, you can still get fucked over if you are a retard. Enjoy the cut to shit cocaine sold to you by fat spics or niggers for $20 a bump.
Our City Can Make Yours Dissapear
In Response to Mayor Rudy Giuliani changing the New York City motto to, "Our city can kick your city's ass," in April of 1995 and the always En Vogue Motto of Chicago of, "Hey! What the fuck you looking at?" then Youngstown Mayor Patrick Ungaro decided to show how low his city's balls hung and started promoting the City of Youngstown's New Motto of, "Our City can make yours dissapear."
To show that he and his city meant business, small suburbs like Forest Hills in Queens, Sea Aislle in New Jersey and Stoned Harbor in Pa suddenly dissapeared off the map and after years of FBI investigations nothing could ever be pinned on the city of Youngstown. To this day, the bigger cities like New York and Chicago remain unimpressed by this CrackHead of a city because the greatest trick Youngstown ever performed was making itself dissapear.
People Of Interest
|Ronald (Ronnie The King Crab) Carabbia||A mid-level enforcer for the Cleveland mob and a leader in the Youngstown mob during the mid 60's to the early 80's. Best known for installing some after market mods to Danny Greene's car, while he was at his dentist, finishing a job that 8 previous attempts had failed at. Classic mob. Ate a 20 year sentence rather than rat out his brothers when Ray Ferritto snitched on him.|
|Lenine (Lenny The Snitch) Strollo||Connected to the Pittsburgh mob and boss of the Mahoning Valley (Youngsttown) mob during the 90's. Notable for bringing an end to the mob in the Youngstown area because he showed little planning or foresight when he hired niggers to kill Youngstown prosecutor Pail Gaines. A spectacular fuck-up because Gaines survived the hit and the black hitmen left enough evidence to trace the hit attempt back to Strollo. Looking to save his own ass, Strollo did the Henry Hill and ratted out everyone he could. Because of no direct connection to this, the police and Sheriff's department decided to fire about a third of their men and rehire replacements. Also, because of no connection to Strollo, a few judges decided it was time to retire.|
|((Joseph (Sandy) Naples))||Gambling Boss in the Youngstown area. Most noted for being shot gunned to death, along with his then girlfriend Mary Ann Vrancich, in front of her house. Conspiracy theorists believe it was the Youngstown police who did the hit because, at the time, Naples was supposed to be in jail waiting on a trial for gambling charges. Theorists claim that if Naples was found dead outside jail, there would be aa federal investigation into why this was.|
|Charles (Cadillac Charlie) Cavallero||A gambling boss in the Youngstown Area. Most noted for giving the area the nicknames: Crimetown USA, Little Chicago and Bombtown Ohio when he was assassinated, with a car bomb. On November 23, 1962 Cavallaro was taking his sons Tommy' and Charlie to football practice. After starting the car and on his way out of the garage the car exploded Killing Charles and Tommy while maiming Charlie. The explosion was said to be some gruesome that very little was found of Tommy except for the harder parts of the body like the knee and the forhead. It was from an article The Sarurday Evening Post about this event, by John Kobler, that gave Youngstown it's well known nicknames, such as Murdertown USA.|
|Jim Traficant||Permaps the most famous member of the US House Of Represenatives thanks to shows like Donahue where he would go on Anti-Semitic tirades. Best known for saying what was on the American Publics' mind, he was more than happy to play the villain and speak what didn't want to be heard. Remembered most for his lulz, he mooned, then, Attorney General, Janet Reno, after calling her a lesbian, during a congressional hearing. Died in the most unlulzy way of having his farm tractor flip over on him, rather then a way more befitting of him such as a fiery explosion after lighting a cigar, in his barn, after someone had fed his cows beans for a week. He will be missed.|
|Tiny Tina||Batshit Insane psychopath that likes to blow Shit up just for the lulz. The unofficial mascot of Youngstown.|
|Satin Doll||A Burlesque stripper that Richard Pryor reminisces about below.|
Richard Pryor On Youngstown
Summing It Up
- Borderlands 2 Known for having the unofficial mascot of Youngstown, Ohio: Tiny Tina
- Hell Hole
- Jim Traficant
- Not Detroit
- Robert Seman
- whole lotta niggers
- Sheriff's office If you liked any of our models on this page or if you strive to become one yourself please inquire here.
- Youngstown Website Much like the city, there's not much going on here.
- zombie Racoons
- Yurich Trial
- Robert Seman becomes an hero
- YSU lets convicted rapist play football
- If you're really sweating for a University that will take anyone and couldn't give a fuck about that .75 GPA you're so proud of, look no further than YSU
- Article on Youngstown's love affair with organized crime
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