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Younow
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Younow, also known as Jewnow, is a gay website/app created last Thursday and is the world's premiere matchmaking service for pedophiles and jailbait under the age of consent, just beating NAMBLA by a touch. Since camwhores under 13 are typically underage B& by Nazi mods after at least 100 seconds of streaming, Jewnow is primarily a site for creepy old perverts to tell 13-year-old boys and 16-year-old girls what to do on cam ever since Subservient Chicken was eaten alive on camera by niggers. Some argue that space-Jew Jabba the Hutt and Slave Leia with a collar around her neck were the inspiration for all this faggotry.
Jewnow's primary function is an in-home sousveillance system developed by the Israeli military as a supplement to public CCTV surveillance systems, but is promoted as a fun and exciting way to "build your fanbase." It began when a yid employed to watch surveillance footage of cars in Zion wondered what it would be like to see inside the car. And inside the bedroom. And inside the tub. And inside the colon. Advancements in miniaturization technology will allow Jewnow to branch into medical imaging applications suggested by kike Ray Kurzweil to enable broadcasts directly from a user's ear nose and throat, beating heart, eyeballs, brain, uterus, schlong, balls, and urethra. Most broadcasts on the site already stream directly from assholes. Jewnow delivers over 9000 piping hot streams per day.
Contents |
The face of Jewnow
The spokesperson for Jewnow is a spooky skeleton known as Mr. Skeltal (aka Skeleton Queen aka Ms. Bones aka The Screaming Skull) who wears a long black wig that snaps onto her parietal bone. Discovered on the TV series Bones, she resides in Castle Greyskull and her catchphrase is "Rattle me bones!" As we speak she is amassing an unholy dark army with her bony laughter spells which echo in a listener's skull and exert spooky control over a person's skeleton so they become her minions and bow to kiss her alabaster metatarsals. Mr. Skeltal is also the final boss of Jewnow. Her dream husbando is a lump of clay known as Jack Skellington (otherwise known as Slenderman 1.0.) Since skeletons lack bodily fluids, there is nowhere to deposit a free-floating Jewnow mini-cam, so Mr. Skeltal will be impervious to future efforts to miniaturize cameras, although gnat drones could fly freely in and out of her ribcage, much like the autumn wind.
Background
The CEO of Jewnow is kike former paratrooper and NAMBLA boylover documentarian Adi Sideman, who suffers from Yellow fever and therefore loves karaoke. He previously collected photos of young boys with his Elf Yourself app for OfficeMax, who he partnered with because the name reminded him of Officer Max Hershlag back in the IDF. OfficeMax later went belly up due to think of the children and merged with Home Depot forming the mega-conglomerate Pop Copy for all your print and copy needs. The technical brain behind Jewnow is a hebe named Jon (although a hebe named Erez takes all the credit). Whether Jon was also in the IDF or merely a film student Mr. Wisemanstein met at NYU while filming enthusiastic boylovers is unknown. Rabbi Schleidelman still has close ties with the Israeli military and likes to hang out with them shirtless while smoking cigarettes in Iraq. Contrary to rumors, Jewnow has nothing to do with Poland or Pollacks. But most of the Polaroids taken on the site are in fact a sausage fest, demonstrating that 16-year-old girls are even bigger creeps than men (or in fucktardspeak, "thirsty"). Some argue most of the snapshots of faggots and shirtless twinks could have been taken by homogays, but buttfuckers already have matchmaking apps.
After smiling merchant Dave Attell's failed attempt to reboot The Gong Show, merchant Mysidesman had the original idea to bring The Gong Show to the Interbutts three years later. After Youtube's success delivering Russian lolis via a series of tubes, merchant Wiseman had the completely original idea of delivering them to you now. Some argue the Gong aspect of the site made too many camwhores butthurt so they removed the dislike button and replaced it with gifts such as smiling piles of shit. Some argue the Gong gimmick was dropped after market research found that the camwhores and twinks on the site had never even heard of The Gong Show, in addition to millenials' angst over feeling that everyone should be winner. Now the only way to express your contempt for a cammer or drive them off is in the chat window, where you will meet the banhammer. If any cammer is criticized for any reason they will always respond "If you don't like what I'm doing, then don't watch me." This includes informing stupid naked whores that mods are coming, because they don't comprehend that the site has moderators that enforce rules. When a naked whore gets banned, it will inevitably be while she is saying "if you don't like it then leave."
Regarding Sideman's NAMBLA documentary Chicken Hawk (described as "one of the sickest documentaries you'll probably never see"), Spiderman's NYU film professor said "Almost from the beginning, I said: 'You have to be careful you aren't making an apology for the NAMBLA people.'" Sideman said "I never meant to dictate my point of view. I want the audience to judge for themselves." If it wasn't clear before, the Younow app is Sideman's apology to the NAMBLA people. From Jewnow's point of view, any child with a smartphone has the technological right to broadcast from their bathtub webcam to everyone on Earth who doesn't live in a cave, at least until the moderators stop having buttsecks with each other and notice.
Camwhore demographics
In addition to prostitots, 16-year-old girls, and 13-year-old boys, Jewnow is populated with:
- batshit insane faggots
- sandniggers driving. Srsly.
- smug shirtless twinks/Justin Bieber-clones
- attractive slut/hambeast duos
- slumber parties in the basement and/or dining room of houses of oblivious parents
- Miley Cyruses speaking ebonics
- Youtube Nobodies
- Vine nobodies
- every spoiled brat armed with a smartphone and USI
- rapping wiggers
- short Scandinavians
- cutters
- kids whose rich parents were never honest to them about their musical ability
- mobs of 12-year-old girls yelling at any white boy with a guitar
- "bands" with pasty white makeup and cooneyes
HinduPalestinian mini-mart clerks named Baboo- chav twats
- otherkin
- people who got cut by IRL talent shows
- carnival freaks
- Britbong nobodies e-famous for coining the phrase "I didn't do it."
- a handful of actual IRL retards
- everyone else who has no excuse but acts retarded anyway
- crying emo faggots with a unique dream of being famous for being unemployed
- no male over 25 except an Elitist Musical Bastard and some fat Buttcoin speculator
- Sam Woolf from American Idol
- Daughtry from American Idol
BANJIHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS SHE WAS BANNED FOR BEING SO FANCY YOU ALREADY KNOW- single mothers trying to upstage their ugly daughters
- people who see no problem with any stranger in the world watching them sleep all night long
- Pitbull
- You
The Jewnow Arabs
Jewnow is based in Jew York but also happens to be the most popular app among sandniggers and dune coons in Sandland because it is the only app available in durkadurka. This is so merchants can monitor anti-Zionist activity in the Middle East and pipe raghead videofeeds directly to kike synagogues for monitoring, and send facial recognition data to Zion airports, in addition to collecting video of minors masturbating on camera to be traded among the Jewish media elite. In essence, Jewnow acts as an early warning system on par with the kike messaging system Odigo which informed merchant banksters to not show up to work on 9/11 so Mossad could do WTC.
On the Arrakis version of Jewnow, all sand people can be classified into the following categories:
- Arab guy driving away from sandworms
- Arab guy flying to avoid sandworms altogether
- car interiors
- total blackness and praying (presumably to avoid sandworms)
- total blackness and women talking
- guy playing durka music
- ceilings and ceiling fans
- sand eaters in white sitting against a wall on Tatooine
- goat jockeys smoking hookahs
- spinning disco lights
- naked giggling whores who successfully hide from mods for 30 minutes or more
Some argue that there are so many Fremen on Jewnow due to a cultural interest in child marriage.
Login
Jewnow itself has no login system but users can login in via merchant Zuckerberg's Stalkbook or merchant Page and Brin's Doxxle or Jewish-media-promotion site Twitter (whose IPO was underwritten by merchant Sacks Goldman). Live video on Jewnow is archived forever a month 7 days for 3 days on the Amazon "cloud", unbeknownst to most dumb as hell attention whores, but a camwhore's last broadcast is saved for much longer, and some special snowflake camwhores (like Mr. Skeltal) have full or longer retention because they suck cocks. Some argue that Younow's retention for nobodies was lowered because their archival system led to Amazon's worst quarterly loss in 14 years when it was discovered that Amazon was the world's largest cheese pizza provider.
Get banned
People who type any badword into the chat window will be autobanned by the Hebrew robot called Bot Mitzvah. Or a user may be banned by one of over 9000 two dozen mods on the site. Any whore who even shows her bellybutton will be banned by electronic police. Male cammers are never banned, except for chatting, or when they show videos of sluts twerking, or the rare swarthy naked foreigner laying in bed who posts pictures of his car on camwhore's profiles. If a whore shows as much as ankle on camera she will be flagged by fat ugly bitter jealous SJWs and B& by lackey mods and all their archived streams will be lost in time like tears in the rain, unless dedicated digital preservationists collect, catalog, and manage such collections so that future generations can see what attention whores looked like before the Statue of Liberty was submerged and bands of marauders rape and kill people for french fry oil to power their jetskis.
Evade ban
Mobile users are device-banned based on UDID or IMEI or IMSI or MEID or some shit which can be altered by deleting System32 then doing computer and changing its wifi MAC address or asking your mom to buy you a new phone.
Desktop users are banned based on canvas fingerprinting which uses the HTML5 canvas element to "draw" an invisible picture on a computer which is converted into a digital token and stored as cookies and necromancer Flash files which will resurrect cookies from the dead. Data brokers then trade these worthless tokens to the NSA for shekels and the benefits of HTML5 are used to track people across the Internet. A different User Agent field will produce a different fingerprint, exactly like Agent J in Men In Black.
Ban evasion follows the formula:
- eat cookies
- become secret agent
- sign up for temporary email
- make new twitter with email
- make new jewnow account
- ???
- kill yourself
So you want to record some whores
In the extremely rare event that win is observed, an intrepid viewer may want to record it. Users were able to record 6 second clips called "moments" but nobody cares. Younow uses Flash video and the RTMP protocol for livestreams and past videos, although some old videos are turned into short "flashback" MP4 clips so people who damaged their brains with acid can enjoy the site too.
Popular programs used to cap a whore's ass include:
- Jeff Bezos
- Internet Download Manager
- VSO Downloader
- rtmpdump (and optionally rtmpdumphelper)
- curl
- screenrecorders
- VHS camcorders for that good old grimy adult videostore feel
- phonographs
- Fucking Magnets
PROTIP: A smartphone and the Younow app itself GET REAL SCREENCASTING SOFTWARE YOU FAGGOT is a simple way to restream live streams and past streams, but that implies any videos are worth repeating.
Ethnographic vocabulary
Nearly all of the language encountered on Jewnow consists of variations of lyrics from the song "Booty Had Me Like" (featuring M.T.D.) by the venerable New Kids On The Block cover-band wiggerfaggot threesome Round2Crew. This is likely due to Jewnow developers embedding subliminal references to the song in "gifts" you can give camwhores.
Terms from the song include:
- you gotta bae?
- or nah?
- booty droppin' down low
- damn
- baby
- imma
- hold up let me do that nae nae
- turnt up
- booty
- like
- woah
- yeah
Viewers will also hear the terms "doe", "like", "oh my gawwwwd", "I'm so ratchet right now", "I'm borrrrrred", and white people on their new iPhones casually doing Sheneequa impressions. Girls on the site typically accuse viewers of being "thirsty" even though they are the ones thirsty for attention, and will even create elaborate whiteboard signs to say what they will do for worthless Internet points. When a cammer uses the phone-sex app Parlor and inevitably pretends to be a little girl, viewers will hear towelheads whose English consists entirely of "NO FUCK YOU." Nobody is ever banned for using Parlor. Ever.
There is also a Turkish version of the site that nobody but your mom uses.
Monetization
In order to amass user-generated content (read: amateur porn) for free and profit off it, Jewnow preys on the natural instincts of attention whores, who have an insatiable urge to become the #1 most viewed attention whore on the site at any given time, known as "trending." To reach such a lofty "goal" they may:
- twerk to niggermusic
- whine about being bored
- call up random strangers and insult them
- say things on camera that would get chatters instabanned
- say they will do shit for a certain number of likes but never put out and keep moving the goalposts like the fucking lying bitches they are
- do things that make Baby Jesus cry
- demand to be asked questions about their life so they can pretend anyone cares what they think
- sing badly
- put shoe on head
- take their clothes off for worthless imaginary "likes"
- show vagoo (extremely rare in the wild)
- sharpie in the pooper
These are all perfectly sane things to do for the entire world when asked to by total strangers, with a video record of it saved in perpetuity. Some girls will remove their clothes without being asked when they start broadcasting, because it's the only way they know how to get their father to pay attention to them. It's all part of their short-term plan to become an e-celebrity akin to Kim Kardashian and be famous for doing nothing except coalburning on video that one time. Jewnow is an insidious degenerative brain disease which reaches its endstage when a camwhore begins exhibiting delusional symptoms such as talking about "merch" (named after merchant Sideman) and talking about going on tour, where tweenage girls can scream at them like The Beatles and sing along badly to Justin Bieber cover songs.
Jewnow was designed as a pay-to-win MMORPG that makes its money when sick fuck voyeurs and idiots purchase Jewnow Jewgold bars and store them in an ever-expanding basement dungeon and "give" them to camwhores which helps them level up and become more popular. Although camwhores don't actually get to keep the bars and it only makes them temporarily popular before they log off or their unlimited mobile data plan paid for by daddy shits out. When cammers level up they "unlock" new "perks" like on Xbox Live but Jewnow "perks" consist entirely of shitty icons. Jewnow gold bars are a virtual currency backed by real Jewgoldbars that survived 9/11 in the basement of Silverstein's WTC7, but only kikes can redeem them. While it is still possible for attention whores to play Jewnow without receiving Jewgold, it takes much longer to grind, so many players have resorted to going AFK and sleeping on camera while their webcam mines Jewcoins in the background.
Multi-level marketing
In early Jewnow history which was at least 100 weeks ago, cammers were given worthless crap to "recruit" people to the site. So for example with 200,000 tickets they could trade them in for a Younow baseball cap made by children in a sweatshop in Malaysia. Jewnow dangles the carrot of getting paid to "lifecast" in front of camwhores's faces when Voyeurhouse was doing it 13 years ago, before Big Brother ripped them off. But tiny in-app-purchases have made viewers spending $60 for the possibility of seeing a girl take a bath much easier to stomach, much like nickel slots slowly suck all the retirement money out of aging baby boomers. Jewnow recruits locals in Jew York to become broadcasters so that the site will become as viral as Ebola. Younow is basically digital Ebola, but instead of shitting blood, "Younowers" are just shit.
Lack of content
Some argue that Jewnow content fails in comparison to other services such as Omegle or Stickam or Chaturbate or Chateen or Skype, but Jewnow's market penetration among normalfags makes some camwhores on Jewnow of a higher grade than Eastern European crackwhores and daytime strippers. The ease of downloading the app and showing the house where you sleep at night to the entire world is as trivial as a child racking up $200,000 on virtual donuts on their mom's credit card. Pedobears typically lure targets to other video applications to avoid the Nazi mods of Jewnow, so Jewnow fundamentally acts as a mobile jailbait discovery engine.
External Links
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Younow is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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