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Yu-Gi-Oh!

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The easy way to win at a card game.

Yu-Gi-Oh! is an anime about card games that stars a little boy named Yugi Mutou who owns an Egyptian necklace that he uses to transform into an Egyptian leather pants-whipping pharaoh named Yami to cheat on said card games. Episode upon episode is spent discussing how the power of friendship can destroy more than Al-Qaeda and acquisition of golden Egyptian crap, all while having HOT CARD PLAYIN' ACTION! REAL PAPER CUTS! JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRLS WITH SHORT SKIRTS! TINY MOUTHS! BUY SOME FUCKIN' CARDS! THEY'RE NOT JUST INK ON PAPER! THEY'RE REAL MONSTERS, MOTHERFUCKER!

Contents

Plot

Totally not gay
Yugi's grandpa sure likes his loli
Bakura raeps a fangirl.

Season 0: Little is known about the real first season of Yu-Gi-Oh! because the poofters in the English speaking world considered it too violent. It showed how Yugi solved the Millennium Puzzle, became possessed by Yami Atem, forced a guy to shoot and kill himself, chopped off a watch collector's hand, set a guy on fire, and tricked a serial bomber into blowing himself up. The manga was so violent that even Japan had to tone it down, which says a lot considering what usually flies there.

Season 1: Yugi Mutou a high school student that still hasn't hit puberty living with his Pedo Grandpa who runs a game shop. Yugi has a girlfriend and two boyfriends, who hang around him simply because he's good in the sack. They are known as Tea Gardner, Joey Wheeler, and Tristan Taylor. All of them love Yugi's heart of the cards and his throbbing man-meat. Shit hits the fan when Yugi's grandpa is caught looking at child porn by Pegasus and his soul gets trapped in a card. Yugi fights Pegasus for his Grandpa's freedom. Kaiba also joins in to save his brother from the child labor exploiting clutches of Maximillion Pegasus, who is about to send him to the Shadow Realm.

Hawt

Season 2: Wanting to prove finally how big his cock is, Seto Kaiba challenges the whole fucking world and Yugi to attend his card game tournament.

Season 3: Some green-haired dead kid traps them in a digital world or something. They obviously escape as without those fags there wouldn't be more Yu-Gi-Oh!. The rest of the season continues Kaiba's shitty tournament.

Season 4: Only season worth watching, as it's the only season 4Jews didn't completely fuck up. The season is about a couple of fags (one of them being mai big boobs who joins their brony club cause boo hoo she sucks at dueling) dueling other people to kill/steal people's souls. Of course everyone can just easily ignore those people as they don't physically force any harm on them, but no, the protagonists just have to duel them cause OH NOEZ THEY STOLE THE GOD CARDS!!!!!!1111111111

Season 5: Kaiba hosts another gay tournament, this time Yami doesn't participate for the winner gets to have a three way with him. The tournament gets completely dominated by a pink haired brony who eventually gets his ass kicked by Kaiba. At the end Yugi duels the Pharaoh.

Characters

Yugi Mutou/Yami: Since Yugi couldn't afford Pokémon cards, he resorted to Duel Monsters instead, all while wearing a chain than for some reason holds the soul of an Egyptian Pharaoh. On a side note, does Yami has the same spiky hair for pubes?

Téa Gardner: The useless pair of tits needed in every anime.

Joey Wheeler: Yugi's boyfriend and the bitch of the relationship. Italian faggot who rapes the English language whenever he opens his greasy mouth, wears a fursuit twice in the series, and needs the prize money of the first season's tournament to cure his sister's blindness.

Tristan Taylor: Yugi's retarded friend. Winds up falling for Joey's sister because his standards are just that low.

Ryo Bakura: Another faggot who's possessed by a who-gives-a-shit who wants to get all of the Millenium thingamajigers for who knows what. His hair resembles a mop. His use to the series is entirely unknown. It is suspected that he's only there to play the role of the obligatory creepy, slightly camp kid.

Seto Kaiba: Despite being the richest motherfucker in the universe, his main goal in life is to beat Yugi at a card game to compensate for his tiny penis. Wears one of the stupidest trench coats in existence (its only known use is flicking bitches in the eye with the bottom hem when he turns around to sulk after losing to his tiny, leather clad arch nemesis for the umpteenth time). He is convinced that inventing technology to play holographic card games actually benefits society.

Mokuba Kaiba: Kaiba's younger brother that needs some fucking lozenges pronto. Besides existing, he does a whole load of fucking nothing and gets kidnapped four times in the course of the series.

Solomon Mutou: Yugi's grandfather. In season one, Pegasus trapped his soul in a card leaving his body a vegetable, which was ironically the point of the series where he was the most useful.

Maximillion Pegasus: The creator of the card game, possesses the Millennium Eye that can see beneath your clothes, and tries to take over the Kaiba Corp. so that he can use its technology to resurrect his dead wife.

Mai Valentine: Anime version of Paris Hilton, but with bigger boobs.

Marik Ishtar: Whiny bitch that had to guard a tomb for some reason. Another faggot who's possessed. Has a Millennium Rod that he shoves in places that you wouldn't believe. If Bakura resembles a mop, that would make this one a feather duster.

Spinoffs

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

The original Yu-Gi-Oh! series recently concluded when everybody remembered that the card game was just a fucking fad and laughed at seeing formerly expensive packs of cards at Family Dollar. Yu-Gi-Oh! GX launched on Cartoon Network, all about people who somehow make a fucking living playing cards, enough of one to have a school about it. Wonders never cease. Now your original Yu-Gi-Oh! cards are worthless decks as tournaments don't use them anymore.

In this series, gay 13-year-old boys and some token girls that are only there for the tits and ass factor attend a school that teaches them how to play this easy card game. Various things try to destroy or control the school, like Dicks and the students must protect it, because if there was no school then there would be no plot for the next episode. And everybody knows kids love school.

GX in a nutshell

  • Action: Bigger boobs on teenage girls than on your mom. Just like the first series, every season ends with the fate of the world depending on a fucking card game, meaning it's serious business.
  • Lulz: "And this one time at Duelist Camp" is the only lulz worthy line in the first and second season of this show.
  • Merchandising: More ink on cards...I mean monsters, motherfucker! And brace yourself for Elemental Hero Condom-man.
  • Morals: More cards, more power.

Plot

Season 1: Season goes on with some faggot who goes by the name of Jaden Yuki who applies to enter Duel Academy, aka a school where each student wastes three years of their life to learn how to play cards games when they can search on Google how to play the fucking game in five minutes. Ironic how anyone takes the school seriously when the first episode Jaden defeats one of the headmasters in a duel no problem. season goes off with the students being stupid that is until eight basement dwellers attack the school and go after the seven spirit keys holders (aka the students) in hoping to defeat them to unlock the Sacred Beasts. What do the Sacred Beasts do? Destroy the world? No, just gets rid of card games for good. Everyone knows that you can't live without card games so they duel the Shadow Riders despite the fact they could easily ignore them and save the world that way.

Season 2: As usual the season involves with someone wanting to rule the world or something similar to that. in this case some crackhead (Sartorious) goes around dueling students and ass-fucking them which somehow gives him the ability to brainwashing them to join his orgy club. he brainwashed most of the Obelisk dorm and turned the blue dorm into the white dorm hoping to scare the shit out of the 15-year-old residents, despite that nobody feared his psycho ass that was until some boring fuck with no friends gives him the keys to a satellite which could destroy the world (brainwash the world in the dub, nice work 4Kids) only because he won a duel.

Season 3: It all started with the school's chancellor inviting psycho masochistic fucknut Cobra from another yugioh school to devise a whole new tournament to improve Jaden's skills in cheating at this card game. A bunch of other kids are invited to participate as well. This tournament involves playing "Dis-Duels" (a Japanese pun on death) and each participant must wear a bracelet which sucks their life force away for playing card games. Of course, everyone is too stupid to realize at first that they collapse after a duel because of the fucking bracelet. After a bunch of unnecessary battles Jaden and the others go after Cobra who is hiding in a conveniently placed military fortress right in the middle of the jungle. Why anybody else doesn't know about it given the fact that it's on the motherfucking island where they live their sorry lives is unknown.

After beating Cobra they realize it actually all started with Jaden sending a lame ass card called Yubel to space when he was a kid because mean bullies wouldn't let him summon it and the card responded with killing everyone. Yubel was controlling Cobra to get to Jaden and now Cobra dies and everyone gets sent to a different dimension where Yubel takes control of a child and starts the first zombie apocalypse. Imagine a bunch of zombies saying "play a children's card game with me!", isn't that a great idea? Anyone who plays a game with them gets turned into another zombie. They beat Yubel again and return to their world, but Jaden's new found love, Jesse Anderson doesn't get back, so he decides to go back and a bunch of unimportant characters follow him.

They get to a world where you die if you lose, stating again that cards are, in fact, serious business. At this point Jaden begins blaming himself for everything that's happened so far and takes his rage out on a bunch of duel monsters, then battles the dark ruler of the world and his friends get sacrificed for a card. Jaden gets so emo that he becomes the middle boss of the series and his new cards are literally called "evil heroes". Some nigger finally beats him in a draw, so they both die, except Jaden, because he's the protagonist.

Everyone realizes Yubel's to blame for everything, so they go and fight it. Yubel explains how everything has all been to reciprocate Jaden's love cuz clearly, he sent it to outer space out of love and not because it killed a bunch of nerds. During teh epic battle Yubel takes over Jesse's body so Jaden would drool at the sight of him and can't stop taking every obvious "I hate yous" as love declarations. They decide that nobody actually died, like you didn't see that coming. After Yubel's third fucking form appears they change their mind and now it all started with Yubel promising Jaden's unborn self to love and always protect him by becoming a card. By the way, Yubel's a guy... Jaden LITERALLY fuses his soul with his in the end.

(This was the final season in the dub as 4Jews were like "fuck GX let's move on to 5D's, even though we won't finish dubbing that spin-off either so we can move onto the next spin-off". The final dubbed episode made it looked like that Jaden got killed in the process of fusing with Yubel and saving the world once again, only for him to magically reappear in the next movie! Way to go 4Kids!)

Season 4: They just rehashed what happened in the previous seasons. Jaden ends up saving the school again by beating death itself in a card game. In the end they bait you with a duel between Jaden and Yugi, but it ends with a jump cut and nobody knows who the winner is. It was probably a good thing that this season never got dubbed despite all the Yu-Gi-Oh! fags crying and bitching back in 2008. FYI, not once did Jaden's ugly ass get laid in the entire anime.

Characters

Jaden Yuki: Despite being the best duelist in the school,defeating one of the headmasters in the first episode and saving the world three times. he ends up in the Slifer Red dorm with all the shitty duelists. in the end he takes card games WAYYYY too seriously like all the other fags do

Syrus Truesdale: Pussy ass midget that no-one likes or gives a rats ass about. eventually in the fourth season he steals his brothers deck

Chazz Princeton: Emo fag who thought he was badass cause he wore blue. that was until he dropped out after losing to two duelists wearing red and yellow. eventually returns to Duel Academy wearing black for the reminder of the series with a yellow boyfriend eventually gaining a green and purple boyfriend as well. bait of all traps as he was brainwashed for the majority of season two and somehow turned into a zombie in one fraction of season three.

Alexis Rhodes: Made only to provide tits. despite the fact every virgin faps to her she's your definition of a blonde as she likes dueling more then sucking cock. Though later on in the series she tries to sleep with Jaden in every episode, but with no success as Jaden is apparently gay.

Bastion Misawa: British cock sucker who thinks he's a genius. in every episode in season one but drops out of Duel Academy in season two to become a male prostitute, and stays in some dimension world in season three that probably has no food to be with some big-titted hoe bag who used to be a Shadow Rider and is actually a tiger.

Zane Truesdale: Everyone sucked his 12-inch cock. especially Alexis and the professors. left the academy in season one to enter the pro leagues only to get his ass kicked by everyone.

Aster Phoenix: Gray-haired retard who cries and whines about his dad dying (eventually turned out he was absorbed into a Duel Monsters card) pretty much no episode in season two that doesn't include his sorry ass.

Dr. Crowler: No one knew what Konami had up their ass when they made this guy a character. literally a gay man with purple makeup on. Despite being the headmaster of the biggest of the three dorms he not only losses to a Slifer student, but has in fact LOST more duels then he has won, having only won two duels! In the first half of the first season he tries to get Jaden expelled due to losing to him, going as far as to hire a boggy man/pedophile to "scare Jaden away from Duel Academy". Dr. Crowler eventually realizes that he only makes himself look stupid trying to get Jaden expelled, so he stops being useful after that.

Jesse Anderson: Take Jaden but with a Southern accent and instead of elemental fags he uses crystals.

Dorms

Obelisk Blue/Blue Dorm: Highest-ranking dorm of the three, aka home to a lot of nerds. Dorm to where all the self-proclaimed dueling experts are sent. People think joining this dorm is to die for, but not if your headmaster is gay and all the boys and girls are split into two dorms, with neither side allowed to trespass into the other dorm or they'll get an anal-fucking by Dr. Crowler.

Ra Yellow/Yellow Dorm: Nothing special about this dorm, as it's home to only a few people. Headmaster of this dorm gets no respect, so no one gives a shit about him.

Slifer Red/Red Dorm: Lowest-ranking dorm of the three, because somehow learning how to play cards is serious and tough shit! A dorm that's home to more rats then people. Home to the protagonist as punishment for cumming in Dr. Crowler's ass in the first episode. They care more about parties, sex and drugs like normal people do then card games, so they're cooler then the other dorms.

Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's

Well fuck you if you thought the series couldn't get any gayer. 5D's is the same crap as before, except instead of a backdrop featuring either Ancient Egypt or a Hogwarts style boarding school, they play the same bloody card game, on motorcycles. Synchro monsters are introduced which are like Ritual monsters, except you keep them in the fusion deck and use "tuner" monsters instead of ritual spells to summon them. Big deal.

If you watch this, expect the main characters to pull out the same combo every fucking episode, with the same "I expected that you'd expect I'd expect that you'd use this card" mentality.

Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal and Zexal 2

They just went and took a bunch of concepts from other animus.

The same as the previous three. This installment introduces Xyz monsters which are more broken than Synchro monsters. Even animu fantards notice what a piece of shit it is. The cast includes some overly flamboyant boy Yuma, fat songoku, some generic loli, a blue haired whiney faggot and a homosexual elf looking white spirit living inside Yuma's mind who wants to collect 99 of the Xyz cards, and other characters with probably worse design than Dr. Crawler from GX such as Trey, Quattro and Quinton (Literally named three, four and five in the sub.) who are sporting skirts and one them sporting pink fucking hair! Seriously, do NOT watch this, it's cancer.

Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V

The story starts out with circus freak Yuya beating the champion using a new method he just invents and thus causes everyone to shit brix. This method is called Pendulum summoning and it enables you to spam the whole field with monsters. Yeah, they're shitting on the rules again. Elitist faggot Reiji Akaba (renamed Declan for the fantards to baw over) becomes aware of this and hires thugs to beat on Yuya so he can learn how to cheat this well, and he can teach it in his duel school where there are apparently separate classes for fusion, Synchro and Xyz cards, in other words, it's GX all over again.

A bunch of unremarkable events later the viewers learn that there are three more dimensions, each for the three card types Reiji's school teaches and the fusion dimension is the bad. There's also sock puppets of Yuya and the generic girl character Yuzu from each. Reiji organizes a tournament to secretly have Yuya pwn all the Fusion invaders, then challenges him to a duel using Pendulum cards he himself created to give him one-sided gameplay. It is revealed that the final boss is Reiji's father, who wants to gather all four of Yuzu for some unknown reason. Then they warp to the Synchro dimension where literally the same thing happens that happened in 5D's and it was introduced that some of the gay 5D's main characters will have a cameo. Yay!

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