From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|This country needs a serious clean up|
Somebody should do something about it.
Zimbabwe is a settlement of niggers on land that was originally owned by their white slave-masters. Before the whites were kicked out by Robert Mugabe, this country, then known as Rhodesia, used to be a prosperous country built from scratch by British entrepreneurs and their African servants. Then after Hitler, Britain went all emo fag and turned its back on her former colonies, leaving them alone to fence off the negrae. In less than 30 years, thanks to an international conspiracy, this once wealthiest of lands was overcome by nigracommies, raped, and renamed Zimbabwe, portmanteau of the Zulu words Zimba (BIG) and bwah! (Hunger). If you were born in Zimbabwe, then God hates you, but at least your cock will be more Zimba than that of an Asian.
Zimbabwe exists in a parallel universe to our own, where Hitler is alive, black person, and a commie. And his name is Robert Mugabe, not Hitler. Unlike dear Adolf, Uncle Bob has done nothing but run his country into the ground for the past twenty seven years. He also liberated it from the butthurt British rednecks, but no one cares except all the niggers left starving under their dear leader's heavy boot. Mugabe frequently gives speeches about how he does not like Tony Blair, W or Mudkips. Mugabe is a great troll and has provided ruination on his country to the point where it will be trolled to death. Some argue that Mugabe is such a huge troll because of syphilis in the brain.
Recently Mugabe IRL trolled every opposition party in his country. Mugabe and his buddies traveled the length of Zimbabwe in their "million-dollar-moblies" (that run off the smiles of AIDS orphans) pwning every major political leader that is not Uncle Bob. The most notable troll is that of Morgan Tsvangirai, who so far has been able to "NO U!" all of Mugabe's previous troll attempts. But now reports confirm that Tsvangirai has indeed surrendered to the Bob Mugabe Partyvan.
—Mugabe, regarding the epic troll.
Ian Douglas Smith
Contrary to popular belief, Rhodesia didn't actually have racist laws, but what was called "qualified franchise", in which you had to have a basic education in order to vote. Most blacks did not qualify but the Rhodesian government struggled to educate them, even setting up affirmative action for blacks in universities. This was to prevent people like Mugabe from getting elected by an uneducated, superstitious, tribalist majority who quite frankly hated others of different tribes. Seriously this isn't even a conspiracy theory you can learn this from any bit of cursory research and despite that it is considered fringe and "racist" to defend Ian Smith or Rhodesia even though any sane human being of even an anti-racist left-wing persuasion can see the logic of having such a policy.
—The black majority.
Last Thursday, the English discovered Zimbabwe, told everyone to "STFU!" and decided to call it Rhodesia. This claiming of the country to be their own was the best thing to happen to Zimbabwe and it prospered as "the breadbasket of Africa" , a major exporter and the inventor of the Time Cube even though the local populace benefited little from this.
In the 1960s, the British Empire suddenly turned all "anti-racist" as it decolonized. Despite the tremendous sacrifices white Rhodesians made in World War II, Prime Minister Harold Wilson demanded that they hand power over to the uneducated tribalist majority, who would undoubtedly elect a communist to run the country into the ground. Fed up with British liberalism and political correctness, Rhodesia's leader Ian Smith declared independence.
At the time of independence, Rhodesia had an extremely high standard of living, and it's black majority enjoyed access to superb medical care, education, plentiful job opportunities, lots of food, and the highest standard of living any African blacks had. There was no enforced racial segregation of any kind (making Rhodesia less racist than America) and as stated previously, only the educated could vote, meaning that any blacks who graduated high school could vote. In fact, many blacks from neighboring countries illegally immigrated into this racist hellhole. Many blacks even volunteered for army service, and half of the Rhodesian Army was black by 1976.
Rather than actually taking advantage of the plentiful opportunities Rhodesia, and getting their children educated so they could vote and have a gradual transition to majority rule when they could be trusted not to fuck it up by voting according to tribal loyalties, as Ian Smith intended, butthurt uneducated niggers formed terrorist groups, the largest of which was led by Robert Mugabe, and began biting the hand that fed them. Thus started a decade-long war, which involved Comrade Mugabe's freedom fighters carrying out internationally-supported acts of liberation such as planting bombs in department stores, killing black people who they thought were exercising their democratic right to support Ian Smith, gruesomely torturing and sometimes murdering entire families, and shooting down civilian airliners.
Meanwhile, the butthurt British declared Rhodesia's achieving independence not on their terms illegal, and had the Pinko-Commie UN impose sanctions. Rhodesia was shunned and boycotted by almost the entire world, except mainly for South Africa and a few brave Americans who went to Rhodesia to fight with the Rhodesian Army. At the same time, Mugabe got support from around the globe. Western leaders tripped over each other in the race to support the terrorist killers. The UN routinely slammed Rhodesia for attacking terrorist bases in neighboring African countries as a violation of national sovereignty. Famous people, including the Queen of the Netherlands herself, made huge donations enabling the "freedom fighters" to buy Soviet military equipment to kill and maim more Rhodesians. Church pastors in Britain praised Mugabe's butchers as "Christian soldiers".
Despite being shunned by the world, and despite being in a constant state of war during which time large portions of the white male populaiton were on duty to keep the nigger terrorists at bay, Rhodesia not only survived, but thrived. It's economy grew extremely fast, and Salisbury's GDP was rising faster than London's throughout the 1970s, causing much butthurt to everyone.
In the late 1970s, South Africa, in a fit of stupid, decided to sell out Rhodesia to build relations with nigger Commie countries. Thus Rhodesia's downfall was assured. After almost 20 years of standing up to the world and to terrorism, Rhodesia was forced to give. The country was renamed Zimbabwe and handed over to black majority rule, resulting in Mugabe getting elected.
As Ian Smith predicted, Mugabe proceeded to completely fuck up the country. First, he massacred the Ndebele people en masse to eliminate a challenge to his power. Then, he wrecked the economy through socialist policies, turning the country into one of the poorest in the world. And in his biggest stroke of genius yet, he kicked out the white farmers and handed over the huge commercial farms that once fed Africa to his incompetent cronies who didn't know the first thing about farming, ensuring lots of starvation and butthurt.
Meanwhile, the world, satisfied that it's left-wing "anti-colonialist" objectives had been achieved, looked away, justice had been done.
News reports are always telling how 1-year olds are regularly raped in Zimbabwe because people there believing deflowering a virgin cures AIDS. And like the USA, kids (with the exception of Chris-chan) lose their virginities earlier and earlier so you gotta get em real young to have them still be a virgin. However, all babies born in Zimbabwe are AIDS babies so instead of curing AIDS, the opposite happens.
None. Zimbabwe's exports were once food. They had so much fucking food they could export to the rest of Africa. But then Uncle Bob started seizing white-owned farms and giving them to the 'people' (his best friends and generals) and everyone knows cotton pickers can't do anything, especially farm and feed themselves. So now they are all starving like Ethiopia. Now the only thing Zimbabwe exports to other countries is refugees. That's right - things are so horrific in Zimbabwe that the population is actually fleeing INTO South Africa. Zimbabwe's inflation rate is also over 9,000% (srsly: 231,000,000+%, according to BBC News last Thursday), so if you want to buy bread I hope you have a wheelbarrow handy (wheelbarrows are the currency in Zimbabwe, since they ran out of money). If you want to do a fun economic experiment, make some batshit insane whites hand your farm over to Zimbabweans and watch it completely turn to AIDS and dust three seconds later because nigras fail at economics. Of course, liberals will accuse you of being a colonialist pig for not respecting African emotions. But was we all know, Africa has no emotions besides of AIDS and nigras have no souls. On recent years however the black market (redundancy) flourished with a surplus production of Jenkem, currently being exported to Civilization to make the sauce in White Castle burgers.
The Zimbabwe government recently pwned many townships in order to get rid of the country's black market for selling food-stuffs and other essentials to live. Since there is no black market for FOOD in Zimbabwe, this means Zimbabwe "normal" food must literally be shit and AIDS. Living is strictly prohibited in Zimbabwe, and any attempt to do so is punishable by death.
President Mugabe claims the campaign is meant to get rid of structures that have sprouted around urban centers and are seen as a haven for illegal traders in foreign currency and scarce food items. In normal terms, this means President Mugabe wants no structures in his country, nor food because his country is to good for food from white people. Damn black person president.
President Mugabe IS politics. There is no win for anyone besides Mugabe.
Ark of the Covenant
In my Zimbabwe? It's more likely than you think! A tribe called the Lemba lives in southern Zimbabwe, and are totally Jews (for srsly). They had the Ark, but ditched it in a cave when it got a little burned. Now it's in a museum in Zimbabwe. Mugabe is most likely talking to God through it, and punishing the nigras according to God's plan.
There is no cholera in Zimbabwe. At all. None. Saying there might be some would be as outrageous and pointless as suggesting there might be gays in Iran.
- If you are white and are in Zimbabwe, you will be raped by war veterans .
- If you are a chimp and in Zimbabwe, you will be pwned by the government .
- Zimbabweans used electricity before they discovered that a candle is fine too.
- It is assumed the band ZZTop lives at the uppermost region of Zimbabwe after the Jews got jealous of their look. Bad joke? Nevermiiiiiinnnd!
- Robert Mugabe is the only dictator in the world ever.
- Proof that everything is better in a white world.
- Troll your liberal friends by saying that Robert Mugabe is an hero for overthrowing the evil racist whites in Zimbabwe. Guaranteed to cause drama because the libtards will either call you a fascist for supporting him, or will admit that things really were better under Smith.
Things Worth More than a Zimbabwe Dollar
With Zimbabwe's current economic state, many surprising items are now worth more than a Zimbabwe dollar. Some examples are:
- Neopoints 
- Monopoly Money 
- Emo Life Insurance payout
- Chasethehedgehog's Art
- Enron stock
- Flooz 
- Just about everything besides Your Mom
The Unilateral Declaration of Independence as it happened.
- Zimbabwe government doing like only they know how.
- Official site
- Fan site
- Fair and Balanced memories of Rhodesia
- Fan site #2