From Encyclopedia Dramatica
THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
Zoe Kimball is a vain now over 18 year old girl from Oregon who always loved to stare at herself in the mirror, admire, and post lots of her pictures online. She filled her myspace with these images and eventually one of her myspace friends took the pictures to 4chan and asked if anyone had her nudes of the then 14 year old. As Zoe hadn't even heard of 4chan, she was not there to provide them so Anon lost interest.
But then Zoe uploaded many videos of her wearing chav clothes and flashing gang signs while her friends shouted "What up nigger?" It was only then that /b/tards subsequently decided that Zoe was the cutest thing to hit /b/ since Line Trap. The reason is because approximately 50% of her videos and 100% of her friends' videos have everyone acting all wigger. Watching that one assumes they're all wigger and weeps for the future of humanity. When shown to old people, most genuinely believe that all white American teenagers have become like this and many will kill themselves out of fright.
Like with other chan-girls, Anon posted violent rape copypasta, and then eventually a few rare original comments. Within 3 hours, /b/ had her name, number, and personal information, and ground agents were out driving by her house. Her phone number was called to confirm her location. So when Zoey finally got all the attention she craved, she ran away scared but still she continued camwhoring. It was all very scary... well actually lulzy.
Ground Agents - Epic FAIL
|Previous Quote | Next Quote|
Zoe's DeviantArt page linked in this article is real, but not very active. After events of scary/lulzy phone calls by Anons in the night, etc. the site was shut down. Everything was then now hidden. However, once someone becomes the object of Anon, they would take steps to protect themselves from further harassment. Unfortunately, Anon is very, very, very good at using the internet.
Due to Zoe's attention whore-like nature, it is just impossible for her to leave the internet for good. So when Zoe's had enough, she leaves for a few months, a year at most, and then returns begging for more. No matter how hard she's hit, she just keeps coming back, we must now learn, there's just no helping it.
Zoe has faphillion amount of fakes all over the internet. They stalk her every move, they hack her photobucket, they fake her friends, they would do anything possible to be Zoe cyberly. Zoe often refuses to make more proof signs because other idiots will photoshop it and blah, blah, blah.
The growth of love for Zoe Kimball has started to spread to other chans. 12andUnderchan has an ongoing thread, and 7chan has intermittent threads. The greatest lulz threads are still, however, on the original /b/.
THE INTERNET WHITE KNIGHTINGS
Then came showings of several (or one) /b/tards standing up and realising that this is perverted and that they wish it to stop.
That is all so far.
This/these /b/tard(s) seems to have some connection with Zoe and could possibly be a friend or family member. But more likely it's some kid in her school with a crush on her who's too scared and shy to even talk to her so he (or sometimes she--remember Zoe says on her myspace that she is bi) faps to her pics all day online and occassionaly white knights her with dreams of marriage.
At some point, someone actually came up with a long range vision... not very /b/.
|Zoe Kimball Gallery||About missing Pics|
Zoe's Return in 2009
In 2009, she returned with a new MySpace account that originally read:
So does this mean she's stopped camwhoring? No. The real reason she dissappeared was that she was in juvie for a year, as seen by her new set of prison tattoos:
It is unknown what she was in prison for, but in this video (from the YouTube account churchbellsaysno as Zoe deleted her YouTube account) it is revealed she keeps a Guy Fawkes mask handy for those Scientology protests and we all know that CoS has arrested people on fake charges before.
So in the end, while Anon was discussing all these rape and kidnapping schemes, Zoe was standing right next to Anon behind a mask each week, working for The Marcab Confederacy and nobody had any idea. Even her listing Chuck Palahniuk as her favorite author didn't clue them in. She does live about an hour from Portland, the only Scientology protest zone in Oregon.
One issue came up in December 2009, was that some of the videos on Zoe's YouTube uploaded with the claim as original content on Zoe's YouTube had originally come from YouTube user churchbellsaysno who had uploaded them months earlier. churchbellsaysno is an IRL friend of Zoe supposedly, though she went on Zoe's now-deleted YouTube account and called her a "fake Zoe" for "stealing" her videos.
In late 2007, Zoe started to talk to a boy named Eli Brooks from Colorado. Eli is basically the male version of Zoe; he has blonde hair, green eyes, is rather pale, and is 15 years old. Eli has one MySpace account that we know of at the moment, the link to which is at the bottom of this page. Zoe and Eli are expected to give birth to a child so self-centered that the world will be thrown off tilt and fly into the sun; the child will be named Zoeli.
|Eli Brooks Gallery||About missing Pics|
On Feb 17, 2010, Anonymous learned of this and of course began trolling. Anon eagerly expected her to behave like everyone else on the internet, which was to make YouTube rant videos complaining about the trolls while demonstrating karate moves, making death threats, and claiming to put curses on people. Instead:
- Zoe closed her polyvore.
- Zoe closed her YouTube account, proving it was the real Zoe.
- Zoe made her MySpace account private and changed the info including making her age 15 instead of 16 as her long distance relationship boyfriend is 15, younger than her.
- Zoe made a new, apparently more active DeviantArt to store drawings.
MySpace Zzzoeykins says Zoe will be back on in July in the headline.
The Bieber Cut
Zoe.rar 12063 KBFile not found ZoeOMGNew.rar 4479 KBFile not found Zoe.rar AGAIN All images (from this article) merged and checked for duplicates. Set includes 314 photos.File not found
- Flixter About 500 pictures viewable right in your browser!! No gay rapidshare needed! You can fap right away!
zmkimball YouTube Rip Rip of her YouTube videos from before she closed the accountWebsite closed Zoe Picture Collection 1500+ Image Mega CollectionWebsite closed
- Tumblr search for "Zoe Kimball"
Zoe Kimball is part of a series on
Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article September 18, 2010|
| Preceded by|
|Zoe Kimball|| Succeeded by|