Zoids are a bunch of toy model kits turned Anime last Thursday. The models resemble a range of creatures in robot form, making it Gundam Wing for furries. The story changes from season to season, while remaining shit throughout. Thank God the theme song also slightly changes, as of Season One and Two it's just the word Zoids yelled by men.
Some common Zoids
- Iron Kong: In a thousand years this zoid will evolve into a new zoid that doesn't work and can't be seen at night.
- Blade Liger: This is another one of those fucking cat zoids. 'Cept this one has fucking LIGHTSABERS coming out it's sides.
- Cannon Tortoise: A fucking tortoise with a cannon strapped to its back. These zoids are fucking cannon fodder because they're slow as hell. As a defensive strategy, it can retract its head into its shell protecting the pilot from damage, but also serves to burn the pilot alive in the event of a fire, which genius zoid engineers overlooked.
- Whale King: A heap of metal that weighs over 9000 tons but somehow flies. It's also a whale. Stupid whale, you don't belong in the sky, you're a whale!
- Elephander: The Elephander rapes other zoids by ramming its trunk up other zoids' asses. Its giant Elephander cock also is a one hit kill.
- Megazoid the Power Rangers would use the Megazoid, best known for its appearance on the Megazoid T-Shirt on QVC, to kill fake rubber monsters in a cardboard model city.
Explaining the Whole Plot In Less Than 5 Seconds
Explaining the Whole Plot In TL;DR
- Season 1: Chaotic Century Plot summary: Located on the other side of the Milky Way is planet Zi, proving that the writers can't name shit. This planet is inhabited by creatures used to fight each other called Zoids. Its all out war between the "The Helic Republic" and "The Guylos Empire". The story starts a few years after the last round of buttsecks between these two nations, and both are currently observing a ceasefire. We then get introduced to Van Flyheight the Wind Colony. He finds some chick, Fiona after she was raped and left in a time machine for at least 100 years. Van wants to fuck her, so he helps her find out about her past. The two then get caught up in the beginning of a new war and are almost sent to concentration camps.
- Season 2: Guardian Force Plot summary: Zoids: Guardian Force is the sequel to Chaotic Century, that takes place 2 years after Chaotic Century, though most fan boys think that this is 4 years, probably because basic math is beyond their pimply grasp. Van has been training for the past few years, because Fiona turned him down in favor of wild technosex with Zeke. In this perfect world, the The Guylos Empire and The Helic Republic form a Guardian Force. Van becomes a member, and Fiona starts to return his calls, so the two met up again and go on another merry adventure. Same shit as last time pretty much, but some larger bad guys with bigger, spikier strap-ons.
- Season 3: New Century Zero: Same planet, several centuries in the future, where Zoid battles have become a tournament based, rather like another show or two. The main character this time is Bit Cloud. He is a member of the Blitz team of Zoids pilots, who give him a shit Zoid called the Liger Zero to pilot. The Backdraft Group wants this wortheless Zoid for themselves and start to offer Bit Cloud money for it. They eventually unearth the Berserk Führer, a powerful Zoid that haets Jews and fights Liger Zero.
- Season 4: Fuzors: Kinda like that series of Digimon where the kids turn into monsters. Nobody really gave a fuck about it after the bullshit of Chaotic Century and Guardian Force, so all the franchise’s desperate fans pulled out their old, decrepit VHS recordings of the old series and started fapping to them.
- Season 5: Genesis: Absolute shit. If nobody gave a fuck about the last season, why bother now?
Characters in Season 1: Chaotic Century and Season 2:Guardian Force
- Van Flyheight : Van Flyheight is the main character of this show with a fucked up name. He is a orphan of the previous war between the The Guylos Empire and The Helic Republic. His home is in the Wind Colony village, just within the borders of The Helic Republic. One fine sunny day Van gets chased into some ancient ruins by some niggers, and he discovers a pair of stasis capsules. Activating them, he discovers an Organoidmon, and a young girl with no memory of her past. Van is then forced to confront the niggers, using a Shield Liger revitalized by the Organoid, Zeke. Defeating them with his cheap guns, Van decides that he will leave home, and travel in an attempt to help Fiona learn about her past. During the series, Van pilots a Shield Liger, which digi-volvs into the superior Blade Liger form halfway through the series.
- Zeke: a furry's
worst nightmaretwisted wet dream. A metal dinosaur that inserts itself inside Zoids to make them stronger and quicker.
- Fiona: Young girl that gets awakened from time pod by Van and suffers from severe amnesia from the time she was revived. She was given the name "Fiona" by Van because its easier to scream out while having sex.
- Moonbay: Mexican drug trader for The Guylos Empire, Moonbay first encounters Van and Fiona when their Zoid becomes damaged. She helps make Vans Zoid gayer then before. Moonbay is a 16 year old girl, and is considered to be a whore. She is a 'Transporter', using a giant snail called a Gustavmon to haul cargo and carry Zoids for whoever may be offering the highest amount.
- Irvine: The tough guy mercenary of the group. When he first meets Van and Fiona, his only thoughts are for capturing and utilizing Van's Organoidmon companion, Zeke and selling him on eBay. He loses this desire over time and turns gay, but occasionally taunts Van with the idea that he still wants to take Zeke off his hands, so he can sell him. Irvine wears an eye patch, despite the fact he can still use both eyes. He has a zoid as well, but it becomes an hero later in the series, and nobody gives a shit.
- Raven: Bad guy, emo of Chaotic Century. Raven, like Van, is a orphan. Raven is skilled in hand to hand combat, and an elite Zoids pilot. During the series Raven's power level is higher then Van's. Raven pilots a number of Zoids throughout the series, but they all get blown up.
- Shadow: A black person version of Zeke that is Raven's Organoid.
- Gunther Prozen: Sephiroth's brother, and the main villain. Prozen is responsible for the war between the two nations, and training Raven. Prozen hires two random henchmen to kidnap Prince Rudolph, next in line for the Guylos throne so that he can seize power of the Empire after Emperor Zeppellin's death. Prozen's dream to become supreme ruler of the world, so someone will finally fuck him.
- Prince Rudolph: Besides been the prince of the Guylos Empire, he gets abducted and then ditched with Van, Zeke and the other losers. They later hold the prince hostage.
- Emperor Zeppellin:Pedophile that becomes an hero.
Characters in Season 3: New Century Zero
- Bit Cloud:Former drug dealer and bum, Bit Cloud is forced to join the Blitz Team after he is responsible for damage to one of the team's Zoids during a match. Dragged to the Blitz Team's base, Bit discovers that he is the only person capable of piloting the rare Liger Zero. Over the series, it is learned that the Liger Zero is one of a series of unique Ultimate X zoids, equipped with a Black Box like you would find in a plane.
- Leena Toros: Is the tits and ass factor and the daughter of the Blitz Team's manager. She is a sixteen year old girl. She pilots two different Zoids over the course of the series, Fanboys and Fangirls always ship Leena with Bit, but we all know Bit is gay. Leena is dumb enough to strap over 9000 rockets to a SNIPER and never actually use it to snipe anything.
- Brad Hunter: The tough guy of this series. He is hired by the Blitz Team at a point before the series to boost their pilot numbers. He pilots a Command Wolf, that looks like every furry's wet dream, a wolf. He doesn't say much, which is probably a good thing.
- Jamie Hemeros: Teenage Mexican that pisses his pants in every battle. He sometimes takes a lot of speed and claims to be the Wild Eagle as he whizzes around in a Reynos zoid.
- Harry Champ: Token faggot, all he does is ask his mom and dad to buy him Zoids and takes them into battle only to get raped up the ass repeatedly. His goal in life is to have sex with Leena to prove to the world he isn't gay.
- Action: 4, Giant robots count for something
- Lulz: 0, unfunny abounds
- Gayness: 5
- Furry Gayness: 10,000, robot furries abound.
- Yu-Gi-Oh - pre-pubescent kids speak with the voices of 50 year old alcoholics
- Pokemon - The same fucked up bullshit as yugioh. In the eyes of pokemon fans, yugioh is a terrorist supported cult full of nerds, molesters, and retarded little kids.
- Digimon - See above.
- Beyblade - If Yugioh could turn some card game into a tv show, we can turn some fucking TOPS into one just as good!
- Cardcaptor Sakura - Fucked up girly anime about a "magical girl" loli and her yellow, winged furry companion gather cards and try to avoid being raped by pedophiles
- Neon Genesis Evangelion - Emos kill people that don't believe in jesus or something
- Zoids - Giant fucking anime robots beating the shit out of each other.
- Gundam Wing - Robots, except not furries
- Transformers the complete ditto of this crap
Zoids is part of a series on
Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.
Zoids is part of a series on
Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.