Zyklon B

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Zyklon-B)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Hitler approves

Zyklon B is the product most widely associated with Hitler's attempt to kill all of the other jews before he died. However, chances are you are a victim of one of the biggest hoaxes perpetrated in all time - the idea that hydrogen cyanide "gas" was used to slaughter jews in concentration camps by the Germans. It wasn't. That's just absurd. These highly efficient, cheap krauts did absolutely nothing of the sort, because that is not how Zyklon B worked.

Its a DUSTY PELLET, not a GAS!

Jews weren't gassed with Zyklon B - they got dusted.
This wouldn't have been possible with cylinders of gas...
Does this look like a gas to you?

The primary component and killing agent in Zyklon B gas is hydrogen cyanide (HCN), which is a positive hydrogen ion bonded to a negative cyanide ion. The toxicity of HCN is caused by the cyanide ion, which halts cellular respiration by inhibiting an enzyme in mitochondria called cytochrome c oxidase. The good folks at wikipedia will help you. Even today, Zyklon B is effective in eliminating any Juden which may be infesting your crawlspace, air-ducts, neighborhood, or government. Simply run, don't walk to your local Gestapo Supply Store and pick up a bakers dozen for half price. Lure in pests by leaving a trail of fools gold covered in Hummus and Palestinian baby-blood which leads to a patented transport device, the expert Germans will then help you install and release your canisters in a cheap and interactive exhibition of pest removal.

Efficiency

Before reading ahead, keep in mind that the Krauts were not willing to spend even the very little amount of money necessary to buy a single bullet for each Jew they intended to kill - by this time, the war had sapped Germany of enough wealth to do such a thing. So, obviously, they weren't going to be blowing enough Reichmarks to fill an entire chamber with cyanide gas, either - hydrogen cyanide doesn't just grow on trees ya know (actually it does, but never mind). Germans had to come up with a way to deliver the hydrogen cyanide directly to where it was needed, preferably without the expense of making a chamber airtight enough to have a lethal dose inside while keeping guards raping and doktors experimenting on the outside of the chamber.

After much research, the magic ingredient was found: silica - also the primary ingredient in sand. Silica absorbs more than 200 times its volume in hydrogen cyanide gas, which is how so much final solution fit into such a tiny little can. Silica, like anything else that can be ground into dust, also has a way of getting into the lungs - get enough over time and you'll die in 30 years of something called silicosis, even without the cyanide. The cyanide just makes the death happen a whole lot faster; on the order of 6 to 18 hours or so. Also, once the bodies stop twitching, the dust settles, making cleanup with a hose a breeze.

Waste Not, Want Not, Fred

Fred at Six Flags, Magic Mountain.

Skip forward half a century for lulz, and meet Fred A. Leuchter, Jr, who is better known as Mr. Death for his experience in building and perfecting execution equipment for the United States. Fred was recruited by a group of Canadian pseudo-nazi revisionists who wished to steal the glory of the Reich for themselves. They had Fred test the walls of Auschwitz for the presence of Prussian Blue. Prussian Blue is a blue colored contaminant that happens when cyanide is wasted on the concrete walls of a building instead of undesirables. Obviously, none was found, because none went to waste.

Fred also noted:

  • That the chambers were not tightly sealed, but failed to mention that due to the absorbent properties of silica, they need not be.
  • That the chambers did not have a high power ventilation system for post-execution cleanup, but failed to mention that they did not need this in the first place.

The group then proceeded to slander Hitler by denying that he had ever performed work at Auschwitz towards achieving his campaign goal of eliminating the Jews from Europe. This deeply angered the Jews that control the court systems in Canada, because Hitler was also partly a Jew. The Canadian court convicted the pseudo-nazi's and expelled Fred to the United States, where he was repeatedly subjected to pwnage for his participation in the slander of Hitler's work.

In short, Fred basically managed to deny the Holocaust while simultaneously insulting every German by denying their scientific achievements. Little wonder he had no friends left, and nobody will accompany him on the rides at the amusement park.

Confusion Continues even Today

To this very day, as a result of Fred's slanderous report and failure to recognize the efficiency of Zyklon B, confused Nazis don't know what to believe any more. Did Hitler - like every politician after him - lie when he made his campaign promises, or did he really get about halfway through the job before he chickened out at the end of World War II? More than any other man before him, Fred A. Leuchter, Jr. has made the modern Nazi doubt the work done by Hitler and the other party founders.

Why "Zyklon B"?

Before Zyklon B there was "Zyklon A", another pesticide that was mainly used in grain storage silos. It was invented by the same German chemist who invented the chemical weapons responsible for so much slaughter in WWI, including mustard gas, even though such weapons were outlawed by the 1907 Hague Convention (to which Germany was a signatory). The inventor shrugged off criticism with the words: "Death is death, by whatever means it is inflicted.” He also discovered that you only need to use half as much poison gas if you double the victim's exposure time, thus making such poisons both cheap and effective. His name was Fritz Haber and he was a Jew, whose niece, along with her husband and two children, were later gassed slowly to an agonized and lingering death using the product and method he had helped invent. Fucken LOL.

See Also

Atom small.png
Atom small.png

Zyklon B is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

[FizzlePop]