From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Tourette's Guy is a website devoted to the antics of an alleged Tourette's Syndrome-sufferer named Danny. It consists entirely of him swearing and cussing at everything, and everyone, in extra-creative ways. His brilliant catchphrases such as "These fishsticks are as hard as tits!" and "FUCK SALT!!" (just to name a few) have brought intense levels of lulz all across the Internets. Of course, anyone with even half a brain will realize that he obviously doesn't suffer from yet another made up mental disorder and is just your average drunk piece of shit, but more creative in his rantings than most. That's of no consequence though since he's still lulzey as fuck. He also wears a neckbrace all the time to state to the world that he has seven shades of shit beaten out of him when he says his trademark offensive phrases to random people in public.
Biography of Danny
He has reportedly lived in New Jersey but all of the blacks and long-legged pissed off Puerto Ricans pwned his ass right back out. Apparently, around that time he developed Tourette's and now resides on teh Internets. Danny is a fluent speaker of idiot and Mexican. He has one son who is a retard and sounds like a pussy when he talks on camera. Danny also hates actor Rick Moranis and wishes he was molested on the set of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids behind the scenes.
In 2008, after news of Tourette's Guys apparent death circulated the interwebz, a user from Facepunch named UziXxX who has no life opened up an investigation into Danny's personal life due to another FacePunch user allegedly spotting the Tourette's Guy in a Kroger.
After a lengthy and one-hour investigation (HOLY SHIT! BALLS!) he concluded that Danny lived in Columbus, Ohio. He also discovered his residence, where he found out that the Tourette's Guy rented the house where the videos were filmed, was friends with the owner (who appeared in the pickles clip), owned a red car, his phone number, and that he used to live in an apartment.
How does he know this? Apparently the only Jolly Pirate Donuts that exists is in Columbus OH. GF. Try again later. Also, in the first video, when he talks about watching Scooby Doo, he's wearing a Columbus Blue Jackets jersey.
With this information, many began to suspect that he was not dead and infac--HOLY SHIT! I GOTTA GO! SOME SQUIRREL'S FUCKING MY TOMATOES!
Known Facts about Danny
- Can freely change the month simply by yelling "PISS".
- Has two ex-wives, one that still visits him to make his fucking breakfast and bitch about her mother.
- His latest ex-wife is actually Rosie O'fucking Donnell, DAMN IT his son knows her secret.
- Owns a toolbox FUCK full of forks, which he keeps in the shitting kitchen.
- From experience, he has determined the fucking difference between shitting & pissing out a bathroom window.
- Lives in Columbus, God damn Ohio
- Has a
liverkidney disorder, which prevents him from eating foods with a high FUCKING salt content.
- Drives an ass-fuck ugly red '94 Geo Prizm
- Once massaged Heads & Shoulders Shampoo into his eyes just for the SHIT COCK of it. Also, WHAT THE FUCKING PISS, THAT WAS FUCKING STUPID.
- He is unaware of the location of his GOD DAMN pants.
- Can silence a door-to-door salesman by telling him to make like a banana and SHIT!
- Once kicked out of a Lens Crafters because he couldn't stop calling people DICKS. Then the manager called him a DUMBASS, like he's his DAD and SHIT.
- Once was refused as a contestant on Wheel of Fortune and said he wanted to call Vanna White a bitch in person and tie Pat Sajak to a telephone pole and let the UPS guy buttfuck him.
- He is still making videos http://www.thetourettesguy.tv
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Wikipedia currently refuses to create an article on Danny. There are currently over 9,000 YTMND pages about Danny, which now PISS currently classifies him as unfunny. Nevertheless, Danny is still a YTMND fan.
Danny "The Tourette's Guy" has also sparked almost a cult following of fans. Many of his fans were sad to see him pass away and made tribute videos for his family. There have also been many parodies done of his videos by Tourette's Guy crazed fans.
Tourettes Guy Tribute
- "I'll be Missin' You" - Puff Daddy
- "Break My Stride" - Matthew Wilder
- "Tarzan Boy" - Baltimora
- "Styx" - Renegade Master
- "Mexican Flea" - Herb Alpert
- The Lion King
- Jeopardy (He once had a dream where Alex Trebek had a picture of a giraffe in his ass during an earthquake)
- Doctor Who
- Star Wars
- Star Trek
- Full House (He still hates Bob Saget though)
- Mighty Ducks
- Magnum P.I.
Wheel of Fortune(Ever since he was refused as a contestant, he no longer gives a shit about it and wants to call Vanna White a bitch in person and tie Pat Sajak to a telephone pole and let the UPS guy buttfuck him)
Tourette's Guy Phrases
- "The garbage disposal sounds like Chewbacca taking a shit!"
- "DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT 'TOTAL'!!!!"
- "You can go to Jolly Pirate Donuts and take a two-hour SHIT for all I care!"
- "You're 93 years old and you don't know what Alf is?!"
- "DAMN IT! HOLY SHIT! BALLS!"
- "YES! I bought your Colgate toothpaste, the one with tartar control! AND IT MADE ME FEEL...LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
- "BOB SAGET!"
- "My ass could write a better song than these guys, with one cheek tied behind my balls!"
- "You look like 200 pounds of BIRD SHIT!!!"
- "I hope this is the Puff Daddy version of this song, not that Sting piece of SHIT!"
- "I don't give a dead moose's last SHIT!"
- "Let me tell you about a porcupine's balls. They're small, and they don't give a SHIT!"
- "FUCK SALT!"
- "That's not Mickey Mouse, that's just TIT DIRT!"
- "You can't do SHIT without your BALLS!"
- "PISSING out the window and shitting out the window ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!!!"
- "Who wrinkled my Randy Travis poster, pissed in the seat and hid my keys?"
- "BITCH! I love you."
- "Last time I gave a shit, I got FUCKED!!"
- "BUTT FUCK!!!"
- "Go count your DICK!"
- "SUCK MY DICK! OR COCK!"
- "I have freedom of speech. And if they don't like it, they can go FUCKING FUCK THEIR FUCKING SELF!"
- "I don't give a shit, shit, SHIT!!!"
- "RONALD MCGODDAMN DONALD"
- "Calm down. Calm down. Don't get a big DICK!"
- "Fuck you, Head and Shoulders!"
- "What the hell do you mean a 'Peter Pan Peanut Butter Alert'?!"
- "I have to live in this hellhole! All you ever do is stay at home and play with your tits and look at your ass at the same time!"
- "AW SHIT!"
- "DAMMIT, THESE FISHSTICKS ARE HARD AS TITS!!!"
- "I'm not afraid of shit! ...Except snakes"
- "Once you see my dick, you won't want it!!!"
- "Where'd you get all this shit?"
- (On Amazon.com) "Is that that big black woman you work with?"
- "Dom Delouise: He used to be a chef on TV. But now he just sits at home, WITH HIS ASS UP HIS ASS!!"
- "HORSE MANURE!!!
- "This is the second time I've been fucked by Dairy Queen!"
- "Bacon and eggs dear" (fat fuck ex-wife Sheila) "What?" (Danny) "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I SAID BACON AND EGGS!"
- "It feels like there's 500 pounds of fatass on my chest!"
- "Fuck you kid, you're a dick! You're a faggot!"
- "I didn't talk to nobody yesterday! I was in the car taking a shit!"
- "It's embarrassing as fuck to have an ass!"
- "It's like when Alex Trebek has a picture of a giraffe in his ass during an earthquake!"
- "Who gives a shit about Bigfoot? Men's asses. Fashion Bug. Fashion Bug. I'd like to meet the motherfucker who called it Fashion Bug and shove a broom up his ass! Bitch!"
- "Fuck horses! I don't give a shit about Kentucky!"
- "I wouldn't Google Limp Bizcuit with your dick!"
- "Fuck me!"
- "Remember that fat wrestler from the 1980's named Dusty Rhodes? Man, he was a piece of shit!!!"
- "Well, you tell him that I SAID that I wouldn't piss on him if he was on Jeopardy!"
- "Does this look like the ass of someone who would know if Jiffy Lube is open on Sundays??"
- "I'm going to Scotch Tape your Ass Shut!!!"
- "If she was a car, she'd be a 4 Door Ford Whore!
- "You're a big ass waste of shit!"
- "That clock is full of shit!!"
- "If I ever see Vanna White in person I'll call her a bitch!"
- ""Then I'll tie Pat Sajak to a telephone pole, and let a UPS guy BUTT FUCK HIM!"
- "Round big balls!"
- "Ass, ass ass ass ass ass, shit shit shit shit shit"
- "Mortal Dick Head!"
Return of Tourette's Guy
On December 25th, 2009, a new video was uploaded on JewTube. It appears to be a new Tourette's Guy video, and as usual, contains massive amounts of win and humor. A part two
has yet to be seen is also available, but ONCE YOU SEE MY DICK, YOU WON'T WANT IT!
A brand new short has been posted on Halloween and Christmas 2014.
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- Tourette's Guy's new Website
- Official Tourette's Guy Website
LOL EXPIRED BACK WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW!?LOLDONGS Tourette's Guy Tribute Page with DVD DownloadDID IT DIED?
- Tourette's Guy Soundboard
- A Tourette's Guy YTMND
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