Difference between revisions of "Atheist"

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{{warning|This page has generated more [[butthurt]] editing than all the other articles about [[Religion|religion]] combined.}}
 
{{warning|This page has generated more [[butthurt]] editing than all the other articles about [[Religion|religion]] combined.}}
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[[Image:Lol_atheism.jpg|thumb|500px|center|Some butthurt Dawkins fanboy will probably try to [[Goatse|change this image]].]]
 
  
[[Image:Atheist reward.jpg|thumb|[[nothing|What you'll get for being an atheist]].]]
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'''Atheism''' is a lack of belief in a god or gods
[[Image:Isyourhousemateanatheist.jpg|thumb|[[X? In my Y?|Atheists, in MY room?]] It's more likely than you think.]]
 
[[Image:Religion comic.jpg|thumb|200px|Atheists are happy to admit their mistakes - except they don't make mistake because they're atheists.]]
 
[[File:U_mad_atheist.jpg|thumb|200px|An atheist expressing his thoughts. Might continue to express said thoughts by deleting this image]]
 
 
 
 
 
'''Atheism''' is a [[religion]] for people who worship [[Richard Dawkins]] instead of [[Raptor Jesus|God]].  It is most notably the only religion without any real official foundation whatsoever. Its followers are even more ignorant, dogmatic, and fanatical about their chosen spiritual path than they claim [[Muslim]]s, [[butthurt|Christian]]s, [[India|Hindoo]]s or Jews to be.  They use science as their excuse for said dogmatism, and unfortunately, some of them truly believe their own [[bullshit]] in this regard.
 
 
 
However, there is a key difference. People who convert to [[terrorist|Islam]] or [[fat|Buddhism]] do so for philosophical or cultural reasons: people who become atheists do so because they got [[BAWW|picked on in high school]]. Rummage through an atheist's [[emo|emotional baggage]] and you will find a pile of leftover teenage angst, a few cases of repressed rage at mommy and daddy, and an overpowering urge to feel superior wrapped around a stupendous amount of self-loathing.
 
 
 
<youtube>3rL9TKXxtgc</youtube><br>'''Being forced to dance for schoolmates and getting raped by niggers is one of the leading causes of Atheism'''
 
 
 
 
 
In reality being an atheist alone does not make you smart, especially if you don't question it as you should question everything fucking else. Nor does it make you superior. Being a part of a herd, even the one that may look smart is retarded either way. It is highly suggested that one should buy a piece of brain of one's own. Blindly following orders is for the weak..
 
 
 
 
 
==Atheists==
 
[[Image:rmd.JPG|thumb|[[TheAmazingAtheist|A typical atheist.]]]]
 
[[Image:amazingatheistlol.JPG|thumb|An atheist in [[Basement-dweller|its natural habitat]]. Clearly, this is an example of Nietzsche's Übermensch ideal.]]
 
[[Some Argue|Recent studies reveal]] that atheists tend to be [[White|privileged]], [[liberal|college educated]]  [[libertarianism|libertarians]] with serious superiority complexes who are always willing to engage in pointless debates to further inflate their colossal egos, especially with [[Christian|more reasonable folk]].  Atheism is actually more commonly associated with the political/economic Left; the Right "Libertarianism," mentioned above, is exhibited by rare exceptions such as Stephan Molyneux, who usually refer to themselves as "[[Vomit|anarcho-capitalists]]."
 
 
 
In an interesting [[Hypocrite|contradiction]], their liberal bias toward [[Islam]] conflicts with their hatred of all things religious. 
 
 
 
Atheists suffer from a rare, aggressive form of [[unwarranted self-importance]], which causes them to invariably and vastly overestimate their own intelligence, in stark contrast to their more temperate peers. It's mandatory for atheists, because if they're not the geniuses of Earth, they're forced into admitting that they're not always right and they don't know everything, which would mean that they are, in fact, basing their assertions on belief, which is something no atheist can bear to admit.
 
 
 
Atheists have a mental commitment to let everyone know how much people shove religion down their throats. They are, of course, oblivious to the fact that if they can call themselves atheists, no religion has been forced upon them so far, thus they fail to realize that by following atheism in such a militant fashion, they are shoving their beliefs down everyone's throats far more than they accuse others of doing.
 
 
 
In fact, atheists are so fanatical that they go around foaming at the mouth for 'rational' debates. Upon watching an atheist in an argument, it becomes clear that their points consist entirely of condescension, lofty moralizing, and 'clever' quips about their opponents' intelligence - in other words, atheists think that poorly assembled sarcasm amounts to a valid argument.  They will begin by stating they only want food for thought to 'improve their position'; five minutes later, they'll state that talking to their opponent is like arguing with a brick wall. The irony of this statement is consistently lost on the atheist.
 
 
 
They believe that some [[philosopher]] (e.g., Friedrich Nietzsche, [[Richard Dawkins]] or [[Karl Popper]]) has proven atheism.  However, they will of course [[FYIAD|dismiss any philosopher that believes in God]].
 
The atheist argument runs thus:
 
#God does not exist, and this is obvious, ergo
 
#Anyone who believes in God is stupid, ergo
 
#Any arguments that God exists are invalid, ergo
 
#God does not exist QED MUDDAFUGGA
 
 
 
 
 
It is a known fact that every Atheist on YouTube is subscribed to [[at least 100]] atheist YouTube speakers such as [[TAA|TheAmazingAtheist]], and flood all of their videos, the 'Other Channels' section of their profile, and channel comments with advertisements about said speakers.
 
 
 
<center>'''Moronic Atheists getting pwned on [[Fox News]]''' </center>
 
<center><youtube>xCD2wigqFUk</youtube></center>
 
<center>Hypocrite atheists are using the ten commandments to defend their sign,*facepalm*.</center>
 
 
 
===Ex-Christian-Atheists===
 
As much as [[Noone|everyone]] enjoys an atheist's company, you will feel nothing but utter [[Rage|love]] being with what can only be described as ex-Christian-Atheists. Essentially, these are just faggots who displace their rage at their church-going parents onto God. This is really not surprising. After all, how can an atheist believe in a loving God when they hate themselves? What they persistently fail to realize is that hating God means you believe in him, meaning you are, in fact, not an atheist at all, and instead a whiny [[faggot]].
 
 
 
More likely than not, these are the people you will see [[Youtube|everywhere]] who try and scream on the internet without either [[ALLCAPS|'''THE FUCKING FURY''']] or Exclamation points, so you have to have the [[Pain Series|pleasure]] of reading it all over again.
 
 
 
An example of such stupidity:
 
* [[LOL WUT|God is a myth made up by sheep trying to control more sheep.]]
 
* [[13-year-old boy|It doesn't matter that I'm 13. I'm still smarter than you.]]
 
* [[facepalm|I haven't told my parents yet, because I'm still 27 and don't want to move out for being a genius.]]
 
<br>
 
 
 
===Morality===
 
[[Image:Typical_atheist_morality_640x78.PNG|thumb|Typical atheist morality.]]
 
[[File:Godjesus strawman.jpg|thumb|Athiests need to be kicked out of America!]]
 
Since atheists believe God does not exist, they don't [[George Bush doesn't care about black people|care]] about morality, usually stating that they prefer rationality over your primitive 'moral' ideas. This makes them amazingly easy to troll. Just ask them, "So are you saying that rationality is OBJECTIVELY BETTER than irrational morality?", then kick back and watch as the self-loathing God-hater ties himself up in knots trying to justify rationalism without morality.
 
 
 
Atheists are convinced that religion is the cause of all conflict and directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred, when in reality it is just a source of major [[lulz]] for their more temperate kin. Atheists [[fail]] to realize that with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will [[The God Delusion|fervently believe anything they read]].
 
 
 
Failing to justify man-made morals, they resort to a comparative exercise.  The main crux of their argument rests on body counts, but a short sample of atheist leadership data reveals a different picture.
 
 
 
{{quote|Not every bad person is an atheist, but every atheist is a bad person.|Random Anon}}
 
 
 
*Mao-Tse-Tung, Atheist: [[High Score|40 million plus dead]]
 
*[[Joseph Stalin]], Atheist: 20 million plus dead
 
*[[Adolf Hitler]], Atheist: 15 million dead
 
*Kim-Il-Sung, Atheist: 5 million dead
 
*[[Pol Pot]], Atheist: 2 million dead
 
*[[Fidel Castro]], Atheist: 1 million dead
 
 
 
 
 
'''PROTIP:''' When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century, [[Fact|and caused more death in a much shorter time span than almost any other catastrophe that has happened in the civilized world]], and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes [[idiot|too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking]].
 
 
 
The atheist, of course, will respond that "BUT DUDE STALIN DIDN'T KILL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM HE KILLED THEM IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM!!!!11", as though Communism's status as an atheistic philosophy had nothing to do with persecuting theists. It's sort of like saying "THE KKK DIDN'T LYNCH PEOPLE FOR BEING BLACK THEY LYNCHED THEM FOR NOT BEING WHITE!!!" Then ask them to name any atheist that has ruled a country and did not go on to make an effort to kill millions of his own people.
 
 
 
{{quote|To punish the oppressors of humanity is clemency; to forgive them is barbarity.|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilien_Robespierre Maximilien Robespierre, 1794]|How atheism would eliminate violence & achieve world peace.|color=silver|size=360%}}
 
 
 
{{quote|Christianity is potentially one of the biggest problems facing society.|[[Adolf Hitler]]|Not a Christian.|color=silver|size=360%}}
 
 
 
===Sexuality===
 
[[image:atheistsex.jpg|thumb|150px|Of course under normal circumstances there isn't a [[woman]] underneath them.]]
 
Even [[Catholic]] priests [[shota|get more]] than the typical atheist.  This results in the atheist having to take [[almost raped|an alternate sociological path]] to survive, as no [[Christian|normal]] woman wants to find themselves naked in the same room as [[TheAmazingAtheist|a neckbearded Yeti who thinks it knows everything]].
 
 
 
Not that the 'forced abstinence' of atheists should come as any surprise. Hell, their whole philosophy comes down to 'BUT IF THERE WAS A GOD THEN I'D GET LAID SOMETIMES!!'
 
 
 
==Irreligion==
 
[[Image:Agnostic_god.JPG|thumb|100px|[[????]]]]
 
[[Image:Nihilism_1.jpg|right|thumb|This is Nihilism, but atheists don't believe in that either.]]
 
[[Image:Atheist cat2.jpeg|thumb]]
 
 
 
===Similar to atheism===
 
 
 
====Anti-Theism====
 
An anti-theist is an emotionally-unstable person who will go into screaming rage about the evils of any religion because the other choir boys didn't try to rape him, thus leaving him with an acute inferiority complex. An atheist is more or less the same thing, but instead of 'I didn't get to fuck the hottest girl in school!' it's 'why didn't God stop me from getting my head slammed in a locker!?'  Of the different breeds of atheist, this type is by far the most painful to be around.  Richard Dawkins and most of atheism's other "leaders," fall into this category.
 
 
 
====[[Nihilism]]====
 
Nihilism is the philosophical doctrine suggesting that [[divide by zero|values do not exist]] but rather are falsely invented.  Frequently cited by [[Dumbass|deep thinkers]] and [[Dumbass|faux-Nietzschean assmunches]] who never moved out of their parent's basement.  As well as being stupid, this is extremely sociologically dangerous.
 
 
 
====Friendliness====
 
[[Image:Atheists-truth.jpg|thumb|right|Next thing you know, atheists will be threatening you with burning for all eternity if you don't believe what they believe. OSHI-]]
 
 
 
Unfortunately for these quasi-atheists, pro-theist atheists (better known as weak atheists, but that seems a bit redundant) are also the target of atheists - because anyone who supports religion in any way i.e. "believing in belief", going to a church funeral or wedding, or donating to a religious charity will be savagely ripped apart for being a [[fag enabler|Christ enabler]] and denounced as traitors.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
==='''Not''' atheism===
 
 
 
 
 
====[[Agnosticism]]====
 
Agnostics are known for 'not knowing' and are generally regarded as pussies by both [[Christians]] and atheists for [[I Dunno LOL|not making up their minds]].  They are the few people on the planet honest enough to admit that they don't know shit.
 
 
 
 
 
====Deists====
 
Another word for [[agnosticism]]. A deist is someone who believes [[girlvinyl|a God did create the universe but got too bored and promptly fucked off]]. Technically they are monotheists just like [[Christians]] and [[Muslims]] but live like atheists since the god they believe in doesn't give a shit about what they get up to.
 
 
 
Most famous historical atheists call themselves deists, as calling themselves "atheists" would have resulted burning at the stake followed by [[DINE IN HELL|reservation seating in hell]].
 
 
 
====Apatheists====
 
Apatheists are atheists, agnostics, deists, whateverists who simply don't care about religion, god, or anything related to the two. They don't make a scene and don't start arguments, unlike your token atheist. In other words, how it should be.
 
 
 
==Atheism v. Irony==
 
 
 
[[image:Alenonimogoestohell.png|thumb|left|Alenonimo goes to Hell]]
 
 
 
*Atheists will vehemently profess how evil and bad [[Christians]] are, all while [[irony|completely oblivious to the fact that they themselves are fervent zealots waging their own brand of holy war in the process.]]
 
*Atheists will quote ''[[Richard Dawkins|The God Delusion]]'' to avoid thinking of their own arguments, while [[BAWWW|mocking Christians for quoting the Bible in the same way.]]  In fairness however, Dawkins usually ''is'' more intelligent than most of his cultists; although he's also a lot more effective at generating [[rage]] and trolling people, as well.
 
*They all exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that [[Conspiracy theory|Secret Societies]] are trying to eradicate them. 
 
*Constantly quote Nietzsche's '''"God Is Dead"'''.  Never mind that he was talking about slave morality rather than the actual entity.  Although Nietzsche was a nihilistic troll masquerading as a philosopher, he still doesn't deserve to have his stuff ripped off by the common or garden atheist.
 
*Atheists worry that the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance is subtly brainwashing people, while the [[bullshit|theory of evolution]] is blatantly shoved down the throat of every elementary, middle, and high school student as [[fact]].
 
*Atheists will go into another soapbox speech when they are compared to dictators or other extremists.
 
*In their desperation to deny religion or belief of any sort, atheists will adopt skepticism so extreme that they'll [[retarded|refuse to state whether they're conscious or not]].
 
* Often [[Fact|dwell on religion more than theists.]]
 
 
 
==Some Ways to Confuse An Atheist==
 
*Send them a link to an article on the Problem of Induction. Facebook religion status will revert to 'agnostic' within a year, or they will inevitably point out that it applies to the Problem of Induction itself, thus making a [[moot]] point, and missing the point entirely.
 
*"If atheism is true, then our minds are reducible to [[retarded|physics]]. Since physics is fundamentally deterministic, we have no free will. Ergo, I have no 'choice' whether to adopt atheism or not, and you're wasting your time by trying to convince me of anything."
 
*After the above argument: [[Truth|"When you say that there is no God, I have to ask: what ''compelled'' you to that conclusion?"]]
 
*If our minds are unreliable, then where does mathematics [[Computer|get its consistency?]] And if our minds are unreliable, then why should we accept unprovable contemporary physical theories?
 
*Surely, if evolution was not guided by a God, then we would not have evolved minds geared toward truth, only survival. In that case, [[Irony|where do you get off making blanket statements about the nature of the universe?]]
 
*Inevitably, the poor atheist will begin to sputter about how he's [[Bullshit|heard all these a million times before]]. Of course, he won't provide a single worthwhile rebuttal. You'll get a lot of [[typical|sarcasm]] and no answers.
 
*Why do you try to say that I do the same thing when you're trying to disprove me now?
 
*(do this one after a long debate and especially when the debate topic was one about souls and immaterial things.) During this entire conversation you have given me your ideals and ideas yet isn't this entire conversation just pointless since our thoughts aren't really real?
 
*Ask them for a single [[LOGIC_AND_REASON|logical reason]] why people should not kill themselves. If emotions are nothing but chemical reactions and there is no afterlife then there really is no reason why someone should not kill themselves over small matters like [[Mitchell Henderson|losing an ipod.]]
 
*If our IQ is a product of evolution and survival then why are humans the only ones with the higher intellect? And why do people with higher IQs not live any longer than regular people?
 
*Ask them as a fellow atheist how it is possible they do not fully support eugenics.
 
*Tell him despite all his superior knowledge of biology Darwin still married his first cousin.
 
*Ask them how belief in a god without proof is any different than denial of a god without proof. Ergo Absence of Evidence is not the same thing as Evidence of Absense. Also, it's logically impossible to prove a universal negative
 
*Tell them that their beloved science is a product of [[jews|great polytheists and christians]].
 
*Tell them that the concept of Atheism actually came from early Hinduist beliefs.
 
 
 
==Miscellaneous Facts About Atheists==
 
[[File:AMAZING RETARDED ATHIEST.jpg|thumb|280px|Atheists are very sensitive and go ballistic at the slightest mention of religion.]]
 
[[File:atheismreligion.jpg|thumb|280px|What a real argument between theists and atheists is like]]
 
* Atheism is to religion what [[Mac|Macs]] are to PCs: a trendy subculture for Vegans and unemployed weed-smoking losers.
 
* [[Nigger]]s can't be atheists [[IRL]] due to class restrictions.
 
* If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also still did [[9/11]].
 
* They have the ability to grow [[neckbeard]]s at an accelerated rate.
 
* [[fact|All atheists became atheists because they know they're going to hell and want to desperately hope it isn't true]] (see: [[denial]]).
 
* Atheists get their limited knowledge of the Bible by only searching "Bible contradictions" on [[Google]].
 
* They believe in evolution, thus they believe themselves to be hyper-evolved niggers that crawled out of the ocean.
 
*Most atheists smugly spout things like "11 out of 10 people don't understand statistics." while [[idiot|they]], themselves, make [[Retard|mistake after mistake]] while trying to interpret data collected by real [[Christian|scientist]]s.
 
*[[Your Mom|The few women who actually call themselves Atheists]] are fat. Really, really fucking fat.
 
*Atheists are completely without morality and treat the rest of humanity like shit, whilst accusing theists of the same thing. When called out on this, they will invariably justify their self-serving behavior by crying about religious persecution.
 
*Atheists are known to rage when they die on [[runescape]] or any online game, be sure to back away from your computer when this happens.
 
*All atheists [[emo|hate themselves]], just google famous atheists and what they said about other atheists.
 
*Atheists due to lack of a life are in most corners of the internet waiting to insult religion to vent their self-hatred.
 
*Atheists are so desperate to propagate their message that even spam the talk page of this very article.
 
*Atheists love to blank this article, which is essentially the online form of their only argument (I.E: [[Irony|SHUT UP UR DUMB]]).
 
*Atheists are much like homosexuals, while homosexuals will claim every attractive male actor in Hollywood is a closeted homosexual, atheists will claim that nearly all people of scientific or historical importance were secretly atheists, despite multiple published works and statements to the contrary.
 
*They frequently pay tribute to our [[Bullshit|monkey ancestors]] by [[TheAmazingAtheist|shoving bananas up their ass.]]
 
 
 
==Atheist Quotes==
 
[[Image:Atheistbaw.gif|thumb|Standard atheist's response to this article.]]
 
Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some [[Intellectual checkmate|SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC]]!
 
<center>{{morphquote|mqtest3|background-color:white;|font-weight: bold;|Get off the fence faggot. You're just scared of making a decision; faith or facts.|Atheist responding to an agnostic|Nothing is better than ridiculing Christian for their absurd beliefs and dogma.||If you choose to ignore [[LOGIC_AND_REASON|logic]] and knowledge in order to believe in an invisible magic man in the sky, or Santa Claus for that matter, you've made a ridiculous decision and we're not going to pretend it's "just another way of looking at things."|American Atheist, trying to make people proud of themselves|There are two types of men in this world. Intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence.||It should be noted that agnostics deserve very patronizing attitude, because they rarely understand what their position entails and come up with bullshit like "it's between theism and atheism".||After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.||What still gets me to this day is the bullshit claims that modern science was only possible because of Christianity. That the Christian world-view is the only way you can have modern science. Holy shit, that really pisses me off.|RAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG|Atheism is the default position. Any other belief just proves you're a tool who has no individuality from the sweeping historical force that is organized religion.||Uhhm, no, not that simple is it. Your whole decision making process is fucked if you put any faith into religion. No grey areas my friend.||Sit on some more fences you indecisive bell end|Atheist, referring to an agnostic|Underage pseudointellectual Christian who thinks he's intelligent in spite of being lied to his whole life. Man people like you piss me off.|Atheist, referring to someone who didn't actually indicate what his belief was. Also, irony.|You're done, troll.||Atheists don't have to prove '''anything'''. Period.||I feel very attached to the idea of atheism, that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof [[Spellcheck|their]] is a god, so HA!!||...[[Holocaust|herd those goons into labs and perform experiments on them instead of on the animals. Wouldn't that solve the whole problem? No animals will be harmed, and this will be a good way to remove some anti-science goons from the gene pool. A whole new generation of lab rats will be born!"]]|[http://www.evolvedrational.com/2008/04/solution-anti-animal-testing-goons.html Evolved Rational], Nazi sympathizer|Well, fuck off and shove a brick up your ass, because who ever gave you the right to speak for me and for all the other non-appeaser atheists?|[http://www.evolvedrational.com/2008/04/spineless-appeasers-or-closet-theistard.html Crackpot science-worshiping atheist]|HAWHAWHAR YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST!!! Well, see you at school.||In atheism we give you a blank slate to write your on life. I wrote mine in my dads basement with YouTube videos that aren't doing shit.|[[TheAmazingAtheist]]|If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak, [[irony|and hiding behind other weak people, just like a fucking gang.]] This is the basis of religion. A mass of stupid people saying 'do as we say or i will kill you'. That doesn't make you right, that makes you a [[Godwin's Law|Nazi]].||[[Shut the fuck up|"Not that x-tians care, since Hitler was the christian poster boy anyway. Atheism is not criticism, it is logic. Christianity is criticism, of everything that doesn't fit into its stupid little niche of stupidity.]]||this is a true symbol of the new church here in europe...good that I'm [[retard|atheistical]].|[http://kuksi.deviantart.com/art/Churchtank-Type-4-28392621?offset=25 tArtlathiest]||[[BAWWW|"IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF CHRISTIANS PUSHING THEIR BELIEFS ON ME]], i mean every year i go to buy something at the store and I see HAPPY HOLLIDAYS and it pisses me off so much i mean Christians are everywhere i mean its like UHHGGGGG but anyway this year its gonna be different. i just got [[retard|down]] purchasing my ANTI-god pin. im going to every place where they sell christmas trees and all the 'happy' (yeah more like BRAINWASHED) familys [[Unwarranted Self-Importance|will see my anti-god pin and i will silently protest this stupid holliday yeah go atheists!]]"|Sticking it to God|WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!1!???"|Almost every atheist in the world.|So...you "respect my belief, or lack of any"? Well...that's very nice...but it is a red flag that screams out intellectual shallowness and lack of critical-thinking skills.||I do not respect your beliefs. I think they're stupid...therefore, it would be stupid to 'respect' them. That [[Irony|logic]] is really not that difficult.  However...I DO respect your inherent right to delude yourself in any manner that you deem fit...provided that you do not attempt to impose those beliefs upon me and my family, our schools, our public institutions and our government."||polls are useless. How about taking religious morons out , and IQ level, why ask idiots anything? I am pro-choice in my attitude but pro life personally. I would never have any of my offspring culled, but if you want go ahead. Odds are your kids will be as fucked and stupid as you are anyhow.
 
But to force people to raise an unwanted child is negative all 'round. you never hear these self righteous zealots offering to take the could be abortions and raising them as their own.||Religious people are holding all of humanity back because their "faith" actively hurts things like stem-cell research, abortion, artistic expression, and even the motherfucking space program. I [[suicide|don't want to be part of this species]] when an alien species arrives and at least half the world screams some form of [[batshit crazy|"YOU'RE NOT CHRISTIAN-UHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!]]||Atheists, the more intelligent ones can better quote (and understand) the bible than most christians. It makes it easier to disprove the source material when ones knows it. I mean, if you really think about it, the god of the old testament was a ball breaking bastard, but he loves you and wants to save you from hell? Sure. Whatev.
 
 
 
The bible, god, and all that has to do with religion should be throw out with santa claus and the easter bunny, because it's another fairy tale designed to give comfort to those who are afraid of the dark. Sadly, most adults haven't grown up to think for themselves.|The talk page of this very article.|}}</center>
 
{{clear}}
 
 
 
Should they pride themselves on studying philosophy and shit like that, this might be relevant:
 
 
 
{{Quote|The atheists are for the most part impudent and misguided scholars who reason badly, and who not being able to understand the creation, the origin of evil, and other difficulties, have recourse to the hypothesis of the eternity of things and of inevitability.|Voltaire}}
 
 
 
==Videos: [[LOGIC_AND_REASON|"Reason" & "Logic"]] are their [[BFF]]==
 
Even though there is no genuine proof for or against God, atheists will fervently proclaim that God is an artificial construct even in the face of objective logic.
 
<center>
 
{{fv|atheist|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold; |<youtube>3x1xHD_9OV4</youtube> |<youtube>aLvf12lJuEQ</youtube> |<youtube>_e_KYMkf4DA</youtube> |<youtube>XXYjiTSpexw</youtube> |<youtube>Rq5qzkeL9OM</youtube> |<youtube>U3yKxvW9yNA</youtube>}}</center>
 
 
 
==4chan discovers the truth==
 
<center><gallery>
 
Image:Suckthatathiests.png|[[lol|HAHAHAHAHA]] [[Fellatio|SUCK]] [[cock|THIS]], [[You|ATHEISTS!]]
 
Image:Godpostend_win.jpg|another [[Win|win]] for God Almighty!
 
Image:Typicalatheist2.png|Typical atheist defense strategy in an argument.
 
Image:Typicalatheist1.png|Proof that atheists can't distinguish Christians from Jews.
 
Image:JesusFTW.jpg|God taking a get from a fail troll.
 
File:4chan god again.PNG|He might not be too pleased with the picture though.
 
</gallery></center>
 
 
 
==Atheist Gallery==
 
<center><gallery>
 
Image:Atheist_Barbie.jpg|Even Barbie is getting in on the atheist action!
 
Image:Atheist_Arrogance.jpg|Such impertinence!
 
Image:The_Atheist.jpg|How to identify.
 
Image:A_World_Without_Religion.jpg
 
Image:Science_And_Religion.jpg
 
Image:Religion_Is_Like_A_Penis.jpg
 
</gallery></center>
 
 
 
==How to troll your average Atheist==
 
[[Image:Atheist_motivational_poster.jpg|thumb|150px|Polish that Dawkins pole.]]
 
[[Image:Christfag Troll.png|thumb|Yes, it really is that easy.]]
 
* Refer atheism as a religion and a belief. This will automatically enrage atheists. [[Truth|GOD PREVAILS!]]
 
* If religion is the source of all evil, then why was it a religious person who invented the scientific method? (Bonus points if you reveal the theist was a crazy Muslim scientist)
 
* If they belong to a fandom and idolize let's say an actor, tell them that '''Fandom is like Religion''' as they treat it in the same way as theist treat religion. Bonus points if they are [[otaku|anime]] [[weeaboo|otaku]] or belong to an anime fandom since most of them see [[The_Melancholy_of_Haruhi_Suzumiya|a certain animu girl]] as god.
 
* "Atheists help spread AIDS because they approve same-sex marriage"
 
* "Prove God doesn't exist"
 
* "It was an atheist that caused World War I that lead to many historical [[Clusterfuck|clusterfuck events]] like [[Communism|Red October revolution that gave birth to dirty communists]], [[World War II]], the [[Islam|Arab]]-[[Jews|Israeli]] [[duh|War]], [[the Cold War]], [[Islam|the Global War on]] [[W|Terror]], the rise of [[Communism|People's Republic of]] [[China]]... just ask Gavrilo Princip's [[atheist|religion]]."
 
* "Theist people kill more than a million people in a span of centuries, Atheist people kill more than a million faster, in a span of years if not months"
 
* Respond by telling that three of history's worst dictators and mass murderers (Hitler, Stalin, Mao) were all atheists
 
* "Invite them for a session with an Ouija Board"
 
* "It's okay, if I were you I'd be pretty mad at God, too."
 
* "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" (Regardless of whether or not they can correctly answer it, they will fly into a butthurt rage that you would even ask.)
 
* Bring up the fact that evolution and the Big Bang theory are still just theories with plenty of flaws!
 
* Complain about the bias against [[intelligent design]].
 
* "[[WTC|God did it]]...your science is NOTHING without God."
 
* "Science is ALWAYS based on faith because you never know what the result of an experiment will be (Which is why you perform the experiment in the first place and not just jot down what will happen)."
 
*Tell them "Jesus Loves them" and for extra lulz give them a hug and a bible and see how they react
 
*Or just hug them. They HATE that.
 
* "Hitler was an atheist." Bonus points if you use the above quote proving that Hitler was, in fact, an atheist.
 
* "Stalin was an atheist." Bonus points if you mention to them about the Holodomor (Stalin's Holocaust).
 
* Point out that their posts sound like evangelical preachers' rants, including their tone, intensity, rhythm and measure.
 
* Ask them to explain the manner in which subjective experience arises from brain tissue. Inevitably, they will break down and say that [[Schizophrenic|consciousness doesn't exist]]. At this point you can just start laughing hysterically.
 
* "I'll pray for you."
 
* "Jesus said: Cast not pearls before swine."
 
* "What up faith-cripples!" (Best to say when entering one of their forums)
 
* "What makes moral relativism correct?"
 
* "Atheists are never moral because they do not believe in God," followed up by "Morals are God-given not man-made."
 
* Suggest that if you were down and out in Calcutta, you'd much rather see Mother Teresa than [[Christopher Hitchens]].
 
* If all else fails, [[Goatse]], pain and fifty [[Hitler|Jesus]] posts never go amiss alongside with [[Allah Akbar|ALLAH AKBAR]]!!!
 
* Have feelings.
 
* The way [[Christians]] get all of their arguments from the Bible, atheists get all of their arguments from [[The God Delusion]]. So saying something along the lines of "Maybe if you formed your own opinions once in a while, instead of parroting everything Dawkins spits out of his sinful mouth, you could truly see the glory of [[God]]!" is always worth a good try.
 
* Atheists do not really hate religion, just Christians. Tell them you are a Buddhist. If they start to attack your religion agree with them via this copy pasta "Yes, I see how that could be, the teachings of  Buddha  taught me to be very open minded. I accept your argument, but Buddha was still right."  When they find a person they can't argue with they reach a state similar to an advanced stage of rabies. Kick back and watch the lulz.
 
*Give them an analogy (like this one): "Trying to disprove God with our narrow knowledge of physics is like being given only a hammer to build a house. Every problem looks like a nail".
 
* Tell them to take the Atheist Challenge. As the atheist does not believe in anything science cannot prove, ask him to prove that the universe did not pop into being 5 seconds ago with the appearance of age, then to call his girlfriend and tell her that love is an illusion caused by chemical reactions. Bring an umbrella to shield yourself from the sputtering bullshit.
 
*Apparently, atheism has its own definition of free speech: When I attack you, it's just criticism. When you attack me, you are practicing [[New York City Atheists|RELIGIOUS OPPRESSION AAAARGGH THE EVIL THEOCRACY!!!]]
 
*Copy/paste info from [[conservapedia|conservapedia's]] article on atheism. (Such as atheists donate less to charities than christians).
 
*Tell them they're going to hell because [[God hates fags]]
 
* Point out that [[KFC|Friedrich]] Nietzche was in love with his sister, but gave up and started taking it in the ass because he couldn't get laid (srsly [http://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/06/books/is-there-a-gay-basis-to-nietzsche-s-ideas.html])
 
*Imply that atheism is a form of [[liberalism]]. (refer to abiogenecism/evolution as liberal,this always makes them [[rage]])
 
*Tell them that trying to disprove God within the confines of physics is impossible.
 
*Ask them where all the [[delicious cake|atomic matter]] came from in order for the big bang to start.
 
*This is the most important thing, so pay attention!  Sometimes you will get an atheist capable of forming full sentences (Rarely is the content any different, however, from what his fellow [[retard|atheists]] blather mindlessly about). Instead of attempting to rebuttal with sense, as you will only confuse his addled mind, you can do one of two things.  1)Tell him he's wrong and pretend like you're winning the "debate" 2)Tell him he's wrong and give another case for God's existence.  Get him to the point where he feels he must combat your rebuttal by saying if he can't form a rebuttal for it, you're winning.  Rinse and Repeat.
 
* Mention that atheism and [[satanism]] are the same thing
 
* Tell them: Science knows that the big-bang was a spontaneous, causeless, source-less, purposeless, meaningless event. By extension, all created by it is too.
 
* Use all these arguments. (flail arms for effect) Watch as the atheist sputters and turns red in frustration. That umbrella that was mentioned earlier? Useful here for when the blood vessel in his forehead blows open.
 
*Tell them that Darwin was a Christian, this will cause massive butthurt.
 
*Kamal Cosmological Argument. It fucking works all the time.
 
 
 
===Videos to troll atheists with===
 
[[File:Advice antitheist.jpg|thumb|Use these to troll atheists.]]
 
 
 
<center>{{fv|trollin|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
 
<youtube>QHUbIGLj1BI</youtube><br>'''Why atheists shouldn't rule America'''|
 
<youtube>6o_3UIhK-Pw</youtube><br>'''Atheists don't find this ''[[half hour news hour|Half Hour News Hour]]'' clip funny.'''|
 
<youtube>wLEd9fVev3Q</youtube><br>'''49 seconds of pure win.'''|
 
<youtube>3N2uNRmq9do</youtube><br>'''Atheists are irrational'''|
 
<youtube>rKrTK_WUiCo</youtube><br>'''Kirk Cameron Explains Atheism is Faith-Based'''|
 
<youtube>lkUHyX6EQ0E</youtube><br>'''Dawkins Worship'''|
 
<youtube>mnGjz48zn5o</youtube><br>'''theamazingatheist Gay With Chuck Norris'''|
 
<youtube>hsKsVkJIEaw</youtube><br>'''an atheist is exorcized'''|
 
<youtube>ilNfuWHd9r0</youtube><br>'''Secularism has failed.CATHOLIC STATE MUST RETURN'''|
 
<youtube>tZyjuPgiNzw</youtube><br>'''How to deal with an atheist'''|
 
}}</center>
 
 
 
<youtube>3rL9TKXxtgc</youtube><br>'''Rape by nigger is a common cause of atheism'''
 
 
 
==Atheists [[OL]]==
 
[[Image:Intellegence.JPG|thumb|150px|[[Emo|Mr. Nifflekins]] [[Buttsex|demolishes]] the beliefs of theologians everywhere.]]
 
[[Image:BAA.jpg|thumb|Do not be fooled. This fellow is actually a goat.]]
 
[[Image:Youtubeatheist.JPG|thumb|150px|In this example, a [[YouTube]] atheist reacts to someone making a [[Wii]] Mii of [[Jesus]]. Very typical for an Internets atheist.]]
 
[[Image:SRSRATIONALITY.png|thumb|Truly at the forefront of rationality and freethought.]]
 
 
 
Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by [[over 9,000]] hardcore neck-bearded atheists.  They are world-renowned for shitting up religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "ralijen sux" no matter how intelligent or rationalized the comment ''seems'' to the untrained eye.  Atheists constantly whine about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, yet [[irony|demand blind compliance to their ideas]].
 
 
 
In [http://www.sensibleerection.com/entry.php/63044 this] example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how as usual the Christians seem like the sane ones.  Also note the inability of certain users from [[Sensible Erection|this site]] to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed bat-shit psychos.
 
 
 
Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a [[Circular logic|common sentiment or strain of thought]] running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists perpetually come across as arrogant, whiny [[assholes]].
 
 
 
In this delicious irony, Joe Atheist is even more full of shit than [[Jerry Falwell]].  Every wacko fundamentalist Christian at least admits their beliefs rest on ''faith''.  The atheist insists that he has [[serious|serious logic]] on his side, yet refuses to even consider any position that they don't agree with.
 
 
 
They have also yet to rationalize the minor problem of the [[Longcat|origin of the Universe]] issue in this anti-theologic worldview of cause-and-effect, but that's okay because the universe has just ''always existed'' '''LOL!!1'''. If you push them hard enough, you can even get them to [[facepalm|deny causality]].
 
 
 
It is also wise to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand.
 
 
 
===Sources of [[drama]]===
 
 
 
Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of [[drama]], both as [http://www.livejournal.com/community/liberal/2165897.html subjects] and [http://www.livejournal.com/community/mock_the_stupid/924364.html creators].
 
 
 
[[YouTube]] has a [[over 9000|sizable]] population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, [[Rational Response Squad]]. You can check out their "Blasphemy Challenge" to see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare [[nigra|African-American]] "Atheists"!
 
 
 
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>TAk5FF-Bvyo</youtube><br>'''A Call For Fellow Atheists to Come Out of the Closet'''|<youtube>sTRDRP2n4Sk</youtube><br>'''Poor oppressed jesus hater *rolleyes*'''|}}</center>
 
 
 
==Even [[ED]] isn't safe from the [[Butthurt|Rampage]] of Atheists==
 
[[File:Atheisttalkpage.PNG|thumb|300px||Does this really come as a [[No|surprise]]?]]
 
 
 
Please visit the userpages of the following users and let them know that [[Jesus]] fucking [[rape|loves them hard]]. God [[troll|Bless]].
 
 
 
*[[User:Dontbanmebro]] - Beware, page contains ear rape.
 
*[[User:NAZIBOY]] - Apparently sucks cocks.
 
*[[User:Nikolai123]] - Super butthurt appending vandal
 
*[[User:Stone_Mask]] - DIs page wuz riten by 1 buthert christfag lol!
 
*[[User:Xeno945]] - Win is equal to or greater than me
 
*[[User:Raspberry_Rush]] - A line of coke and he <big><strong>is</strong></big> God.
 
*[[User:Acatisfinetookthxbi]] - [[Lulz|SLAUGHTERING]] YOUR CITIZENS IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.[http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=1997254081]
 
*[[User:JiggerWigger]] - God / 0
 
*[[User Talk:Atomicswoosh]] - It's perfectly okay to believe in something for which there is no explanation or proof, as long as it's not God. [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=1997257952]
 
*[[User Talk:AnonyMouse]] - [[Butthurt|"Atheists are people who have learned to stop sucking God's dick and realize humans are the top of the food chain, when you die, you get eaten by worms and that's the end. Too bad, go cry to your 'God' about it. many more think atheists are great, and those who believe in God are self-absorbed, holier-than-thou pieces of shit who don't know how or when to shut the fuck up."]] [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=1997226082]
 
*[[User:StoneTemp1Pilot]] - Jesus Christ pose.
 
*[[User:Atomheart]] - BELIEVING THERE IS NO GOD ISN'T A BELIEF! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE! [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=1997098214]
 
*[[User:Godlovesmeso]] - "If you are older than twelve, you should be an atheist by now." [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=1997060475]
 
*[[User:Nicekitty]] - [[Wat|This article is too mean. ED should be nice]], like [[pedophilia|Wikipedia]]. [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Atheist&diff=prev&oldid=54165]
 
*[[User:TheMontgomery]] - HAY GUIZ WUTZ GOIN ON IN DIS ARTICLE???
 
*[[User:D0nnerf0tze]] - See below then see [[TheAmazingAtheist]] article.
 
*[[User Talk:Aubnop]] - OMG I AM SO SMART BECUZ I TRIED TO REFUTE A SATIRE ARTICLE!!1111
 
*[[User:TapRoot]] - I did it all for the Nookie. (Would have done it for the Lulz but has been explained Atheists cannot comprehend the Lulz.)
 
*[[User:Dysrhythmia]] - If I have to choose between God and [[abortion]] then call me an atheist.
 
*[[User:JanusChrist]] - Has gay sex with Christian men he finds on Craiglist for the [[lulz]].
 
*[[User:AnonymousWhore]]- d0 u lyk g0d?
 
*[[User:TractusVicis]] - [[Butthurt|Because Jebus was a dick]].
 
*[[Gardevoir|User:Double Nigger]] - A wild [[Nothing|Nihilist]] appeared!.
 
*[[User:Stlson]] - [[Butthurt|Because i don't believe in the tooth fairy either]]
 
*[[tl;dr|TL;DR]]
 
''See Also: [[Talk:Atheist|The BAWWWWWing and flamewars this article started in ED]].''
 
 
 
==Famous Atheists==
 
*[[Richard Dawkins]]
 
*[[Family Guy|Seth MacFarlane]]
 
*[[Adolf Hitler]] - no explanation needed
 
*[[Karl Marx]] - hypocrite vivant
 
*[[Fullmetal Alchemist|Edward Elric]]
 
*[[Julia Gillard]]
 
*[[Incest|Woody Allen]] - does his underage daughter
 
*[[Shakespeare|Francis Bacon]]
 
*[[Six Degrees of Adolf Hitler|Kevin Bacon]]
 
*[[Anarchy|Mikhail Bakunin]]
 
*[[Feminism|Simone de Beauvoir]]
 
*[[Björk]]
 
*[[Meme|Susan Blackmore]]
 
*[[Ayn Rand]]
 
*[[Bioshock|Richard Branson]]
 
*[[Afghanistan|Tariq Ali]]
 
*[[2001|Arthur C. Clarke]]
 
*[[b|Marquis de Sade]] - killed prostitutes for the lulz
 
*[[Linux|Linus Torvalds]]
 
*[[Lesbian|Ani Difranco]]
 
*[[PETA|Ingrid Newkirk]]
 
*[[Friedrich Nietzsche]] - ended up like [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fzp7iCaWNvE this]
 
*[[Banned IRL|Madalyn Murray O'Hair]]
 
*[[Buy a dog|Ivan Pavlov]]
 
*[[Libertarianism|Terry Pratchett]]
 
*[[Narnia|Philip Pullman]]
 
*[[James Randi]]
 
*[[Punk|Henry Rollins]]
 
*[[Troll|Slavoj Žižek]]
 
*[[Salman Rushdie]]
 
*[[Britain|Bertrand Russell]]
 
*[[Hipster|Jean-Paul Sartre]]
 
*[[ALF|Peter Singer]]
 
*[[Drawn Together|Adam Carolla]]
 
*[[George Carlin]]
 
*[[New World Order|George Soros]]
 
*[[Joseph Stalin]] - killed 40 milion people
 
*[[1984|George Orwell]]
 
*[[Saturday Night Live|Julia Sweeney]]
 
*[[Bullshit|Teller]]
 
*[[Abortion|Margaret Sanger]]
 
*[[Islam|Theo van Gogh]]
 
*[[Joss Whedon]]
 
*[[Macintosh|Steve Wozniak]]
 
*[[Mao Zedong]] - killed a tone of [[chink]]s
 
*[[Christopher Hitchens]]
 
 
 
==See Also==
 
* [[God]]
 
* [[Agnosticism]]
 
* [[Richard Dawkins]]
 
* [[Logic and Reason]]
 
* [[Fagnostic]]
 
* [[George Carlin]]
 
* [[Rational Response Squad]]
 
* [[Ayn Rand]]
 
* [[Furries]]
 
* [[Liberal]]
 
* [[TheAmazingAtheist]]
 
* [[Fakesagan]]
 
* [[AngryLittleGiri]]
 
* [[Iidb]]
 
* [[Nihilism]]
 
* [[Retardation]]
 
* [[Proof_That_God_Exists|Proof That God Exists]]
 
 
 
== External Links ==
 
*[http://atheism.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page Atheism now has it's very own wiki.]
 
*[http://www.atheistnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?start=0&t=16823 Atheists complaining about ED; note the furry avatars.] "Anyways, Uncyclopedia is better in the lulz department and is less abusive to the senses." [[Clearly]], [[Uncyclopedia]] is not part of the [[Internet Hate Machine]].
 
* [http://www.rationalresponders.com/forum/the_rational_response_squad_radio_show/general_conversation_introductions_and_humor/690 RRS think the "Atheist" article on ED is hilarious] - > [[Rational Response Squad]].
 
*[http://www.afterellen.com/blog/ace/the-golden-compass-atheism-for-kids?comment=427382 "Golden Compass"=Atheist Propaganda?]
 
* [http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i-OFG98VprcXzcMCPVSB1QNjlCBAD8TB9ABG0 Atheist douchebag Michael Newdow butthurt about "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.]
 
*[http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1984003,00.html IRL troll Tobias Brown gets the Atheists in a froth fest with his article about the dictatorship of Atheism.]
 
*[http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/politicsphilosophyandsociety/story/0,,2265446,00.html John Gray, The Atheist Delusion]
 
*[http://groups.google.com/group/Atheism-vs-Christianity Atheism vs. Christianity A fight of epic proportions.]
 
*[http://www.atheistforums.com Perfect place to really make those fucktards MAD!!!]
 
*[http://www.fstdt.com The atheists' personal army] - Note that this site is no longer being updated.
 
*[http://atheism.about.com/od/atheismatheiststheism/a/RespectReligion.htm If you want me to respect YOUR religion then you respect MY religion! No wait...]
 
*[http://www.darwinsracists.com/ A book called "Darwin's Racists] -Use to troll atheists
 
*[http://www.proofthatgodexists.org Another webpage to troll atheist]
 
*[http://www.conservapedia.com/Atheism,_pederasty_and_NAMBLA '''Atheism,pederasty,and NAMBLA'''] -Atheists started '''NAMBLA''',use this and many other [[conservapedia]] pages to troll them.
 
*[http://www.politicususa.com/en/pastor-wants-atheist-registry-to-track-atheists-like-sex-offenders "An atheist registry should exist to track them like sex offenders"]
 
 
 
{{Retarded Edit Wars}}
 
{{Atheism}}
 
{{Trolls}}
 
{{truth}}
 
{{Religions}}
 
 
 
 
 
[[Category:Subcultures]]<!-- [[Category:Science]]
 
-->
 
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
 
[[Category:Trolls]]
 

Revision as of 06:51, 10 August 2012

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Atheism is a lack of belief in a god or gods