Bike safety

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Don't do this while riding a bike
This could be your face

When riding a bike, it's important to remember a few golden rules or you will end up dead and mocked over the interwebs. Oh noes!

Drink and Drive

Beer makes you more alert when riding a bike. This is very valuable when riding at night; just light a fart on fire for instant illumination. Then maybe the cars will notice you and not run right over your aspie ass.

Wear a helmet

The most important thing about bike safety is to wear a helmet, or else you will die a horrible painful death like Lilo did. Helmets save lives, unless you fall off and into the path of a truck while adjusting your helmet. Some argue this is what happened to Rob Levin.

Don't get distracted

Letting your mind wonder onto other things, such as what that 16 year old girl looks like naked, will get you killed. As Rob Levin proved, masturbating while riding a bike can lead to serious injury and death.

Lock your bike

Black people are incapable of purchasing bikes, as they are IRL poor. For this reason it is important to always lock your bike, just not to a watermelon stand or KFC as this may lead to a swarm of zombie apocalypse proportions. Also, Rob Levin is dead.

Some argue wearing bright colours helps prevent danger, an even better deterrent would be not dressing like a fag altogether and thus avoid constant merciless beatings.

OL Opinions on Cyclists

  • Jeep Driver Intentionally Runs Over Cyclist
    • "I'm not saying I'd kill cyclists, I'm saying they should stay away from cars. You drive a bike on the road, with cars, don't bitch if you get squashed." --Dark Messiah
  • Scottish Cycling Forum
    • "I am embarrassed at times to be called a cyclist because my car driving colleagues rant and rave about suicidal idiots riding bicycles. What is embarrassing is they are right - most cyclists are idiots." --Chris
  • BBC Devon -- The Soapbox
    • "Yes Kenny some cyclists are idiots, but no worse than the arrogant idiots you get behind the wheels of cars and vans. Car and van drivers are far more stupid and irrisponsible than any cyclist I ever have seen! Your attitude is typical of the dangourous arrigant attitude of the car driver who thinks 'im in a car in a hurry, my right of way get out the way'. Kenny ,your attitude towards cyclists is incredibly arrogant, stupid, and I totally disagree with you!" --Toby
  • Rob Levin died, so I'm going to quit riding a bike --Anonymous

See Also