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The subject of this article is a lolcow, and is currently ripe for milking.
You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.

Born 1989

Nationality: Canadian

Occupation Video Game Reviewer
Alias(s) Mariotahplumber, SONIC1SONICHEDGEHOG, Testies125, richestplayerinrs, phatshock, xfiremode, JohnSonic1, MTPmoranguides, John Burris, Romans Empire, Sonic

Mariotehplumber (Powerword: John Burris) is a roid-raging, Tourettes-suffering aspie hero lolcow who thinks it's his duty to deliver the glorious Sonic series from its heretical Modern days. He has given himself over to the religion of Sonic; by doing that, he is required to waste thousands of dollars on worthless Sonic plushies and keychains, pose as Sonic wherever he goes, and always assert his opinion as facts. In other words, he is your typical rabid fanboy with nothing else to do other than make rage drawings an unborn fetus could make better than him. He wastes time playing Sonic 1 24/7 and destroying his nice furniture while screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs like a toddler. He is biased, racist, butthurt Sonic fan who hates "teh moddurn Sannic" and loves "teh klasyic Sannic" and calls Knuckles a nigger! He even claims that Mario and Zelda are the only good games. Lately, John has bought over 200 Rosalina and Luma amiibos so fans of her can not. He plans to spend nearly $35,000 on them. Oh, and Irate Gamer is his favorite reviewer too, destroying more of his non-existent credibility.

However, due to immense trolling, he has been obsessively using a banhammer to attack trolls, believing that this makes him a genius. This however, proves that MTP is a total fucking retard with an enormous ego. He likes to believe he is a good Christian, yet his pride and ego are one of the deadly sins. Only HyperCharge and ExoParadigmGamer even come close to the extreme level of hypocrisy and emotional retardation Mariotehplumber has. They are fans of each other by the way.


YouTube Career

Most of his videos are about him pissing and whining about how he wants the "Klaysic Sannic" in every Sonic game, always. He also blames Sonic fans who enjoy the Sonic games after Sonic Adventure saying that they ruined the series for everyone. He refers Sonic's newer design as long-legged streched-out "hentai quills", and he says that the "morans" like to shove hentai quills up their asses. He also shits the bed about how he wants a Sonic 1 in 3D and believes that Sega will magically listen to him and cancel any current Sonic-related projects just to please him. He also wants to work for Sega so he can make a Sonic 1 in 3D and also make the "Klaysic Sannic" kill the "Moddurn Sannic", and call the game Sonic the Hedgehog and make over 9000 parts of it. His sound quality is the equivalent of him shoving the microphone up his ass while ear raping the viewer's ears with his constant Tourette's attacks, and his videos of him in his mom's basement have poor lighting while he breaks out into fits of rage while destroying furniture.

His let's plays are him playing some shitty Mario, Zelda, or Sonic game while constantly repeating himself by saying "owned" or "fuck" over and over, saying that how "Most of the morans think that they can go here, but they can also go up here" for example, constantly screaming like an insane fucktard about how he is the best in the world at the game he's playing while he plays worse than the average gamer. If he plays Sonic 1 or Mario 64, he will go completely insane screaming about how great the game is while going apeshit on the microphone.

His "reviews" are on the recent Mario, Zelda, and Sonic games. In his reviews, he says that the character design is the most important part of any video game, as he says it sells games. In reality, the gameplay sells the games. He will even pull a Razorfist and review a game without playing it. His reviews are mostly nothing more than him bitching about Sonic's character design and how he wants the "Klaysic Sannic" or the "Sannic Wuhn Sannic" in his Sonic game reviews, as he calls Sonic's newer design, or as he calls it the "hentai design".

As of January 15, 2015, Mariotehplumber has admitted he was trolling the entire time, and he has stopped making videos on his channel. He said his anger was fake, that is until you start sending nude pictures of Rosalina to him. He now does weekly streams on Twitch with TheBalishChannel, while he goes insane fighting Rosalina, like buying 100 fucking Rosalina amiibo so his fans can't and screaming at people on Twitter about her at the same time. However, he just cannot let go, and of as March 12, 2015, he has returned to making his new "reviews," which contain even more twisted opinions than his old reviews and worse roid rage than ExoParadigmGamer and HyperCharge's reviews.

Sega and Sonic-related forums

Mariotehplumber is also known for constantly whining about how they need to bring the "Klaysic Sannic" back into every newer sonic game. He has also annoyed everyone on the forums that he has joined for his constant whining. This has also caused him to get banned on the forums that he has joined. However, Mariotehplumber would continuously dodge bans and create new accounts on the forums that he was previously banned on. For example, He was banned from the Sega forums and eventually returned as Blowit before being banned once more. However, he then returned as Sonic Henkai, then got banned again, then re-returned as Son Goku, then got banned again, then re-re-returned as My Shoes, then got banned again and so on. This also led to the forum's administrators banning his IP address from accessing the forums. After Mariotehplumber has been banned up to the point of this IP Address being blocked on the site, he would usually make posts claiming that he would pay real money to the moderators to unban his account.

Mariotehplumber's response to a post on the same topic, saying that his girlfriend belongs in the kitchen.

Professional Wrestling

On top of everything else, he's a known figure on the "world's gayest sport"-sphere. He goes by the name Romans Empire on Wrestling Forum, and his god complex is up to 11 there. Delusional as always, he claims to be the "Forum Champion" and even goes to the trouble of putting a fake belt in his signature. Despite being in a mostly different sphere from his usual area, he outed himself by continuing to rant about Nintendo becoming "hentai".

Easily trolled

Mariotehplumber will instantly get butthurt and BAW on your video and/or channel if you make a video criticizing and/or putting logic into his videos, or send him pictures of Rosalina. He will spam comments onto the video with the grammar of a 5 year old moron. Sometimes, he will even make a video telling people to take down their videos about him, or he will flag your video for copyright, and block you from commenting on his videos he uploads. Some of his 'best' insults consist of "modern moran", faggot, and idiot.

In fact, contributing to this ED article IS trolling him!

Yes, it's THAT easy!

Racism, Xenophobia and General Prejudice

In his videos and comments, he is known for being racist and hating on a certain group of people. Here is a list of people who he is known to be racist/Xenophobic towards, and who he generally puts down in his videos and comments:

Witness the Glory of his YouTube Comments

im just glad sega is stuck and stranded at japan aahahahaha cuz thier shit nintendo is smart and built thier office underground go nintendo fuck sega those modern morans


Talking shit about the Japan Crisis of 2011

I am 24 years old and a big Sonic, Mario and Zelda fan. I am currently in college and I am Christian. I am a person who likes the oldest design for each character with some exceptions like super Mario 64 Mario design. I like originality and hate drastic changes. I come to realization that I am not accepted as a Sonic fan through the fanbase. They won't give me a chance or accept my facts or thoughts about the series. I don't ask for attention or haters. I ask you one thing. Which is don't watch my videos if you don't like them. I like to express my thoughts and interest on the series but the only site I seem I can do this safely is twitch. Every other web site including forums and etc. have IP banned me or just banned my previous account.

I know that there are some people that don't want me on the internet but I am sorry to upset you. I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me if I have caused harm or hurt to you. That is not my intention.


— Mariotehplumber's channel's description

If you think that having a girlfriend is an accomplishment then you are wrong



sonic 1 is the best fuking sonic stfu saying its boring. Unskilled disliked gtfo out the fanbase modern moran.


— Defending the "Kaysic Sannic"

I always punch holes in my walls its normal I even have more in my garage because that's where I go when super mad.


Yes, Perfectly normal behaviours

not raciest your making rumors. People of the black race refer to themselves that all the time to their friends so call them raciest then.


Piss poor damage control skills

im 24 mature and I can handle these situations I don't need u to tell me what to do I am going to concentrate on my school work and when I have time I will make videos regarding sega and Nintendo in what direction they should take.


people just cant accept the fact I am the fastest learner and best at all games I play and if you want me to be the first to beat sonic boom 100 percent I will lmfao Youll all be jealous at my supoier skills. Why can I buy it tho? cuz I am filthy rich and a smart business man unlike most you family moochers. I will own both next gen systems too I have xbox one and wii u atm will get ps4 when a title comes out.


Internet tough guy

Why are you guys supporting this game. Why are you against me when I am the biggest sonic fan in the world.

I am 24 years old and a big Sonic, Mario and Zelda fan. I am currently in college and I am Christian. I am a person who likes the oldest design for each character with some exceptions like super Mario 64 Mario design. I like originality and hate drastic changes. I come to realization that I am not accepted as a Sonic fan through the fanbase

They won't give me a chance or accept my facts or thoughts about the series. I don't ask for attention or haters. I ask you one thing. (Which is don't watch my videos if you don't like them.) I like to express my thoughts and interest on the series but the only site I seem I can do this safely is twitch. Every other web site including forums and etc. have IP banned me or just banned my previous account.

I know that there are some people that don't want me on the internet but I am sorry to upset you. I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me if I have caused harm or hurt to you. That is not my intention. - my description on my channel. My true intention is to help people realize what good gaming truly is. If anyone of you can help me gain back my true subscribers that would be great. I use youtube as a hobby though when I am not doing any work.

I hope some of my haters think I am a troll so they can leave me alone. I just want a 3d sonic 1 in the sonic series. It would be nice for sonic retro to make a 3d sonic 1 mod but they won't even let me join their site.

It really sucks to not be wanted anywhere on the internet or be tossed around as some joke. I really do hope that people like yourselves are not treated as me when it comes to the internet. My wants are just seen as some joke to people or not serious but I don't know what else to say. I guess its impossible for someone like me to exist.

I want to have the name mariotehplumber because its awesome I like Mario my original name was going to be sonictehhedgehog though but it was taken. I really don't want to resort to disguising my voice again so people can stop hating. One didn't really work as I wanted because I was hated. I used my real voice on the first channel I started using my real voice. I already did it like 3 times I believe and tested it out around 3 days ago about lost world. Please don't look for it. It seems to work I gotten no dislikes but had the same thoughts about the series.

I don't want to change my internet username because I want to be known as mariotehplumber not some other name.

Also stop requesting CuteFuzzyWeasel to do a Feeding the Trolls videos on me. It isn't going to work a while ago I had a talk with him to stop making videos on me. He won't do it I told him what I am about and he isn't going to do it so stop asking.

I don't get why if you don't like my videos or me why do you watch and pester me? Why do you make commentaries on me and try to force me to watch them by pming me the link? I don't want to watch your stupid lectures on me. Why don't you leave me alone stop stalking me and causing trouble. All I am doing is expressing my thoughts and doing my own reviews on games. I like reviewing games and saying my thoughts on the series on the current direction they are taking. If you don't like it don't watch?

I have to block people that make videos on me wether it be commentaries or a video making fun of me. I don't want these kind of people subscribing to my channel or watching it and you still don't get the message. As I am aware I probably don't have any true fans of my channel but so what that isn't going to stop me. It just saddens me that there are many negative videos on me but not one positive or supporting my channel for fans like me that like the classic games.

Sonic is like my favorite video game character next to Mario and I am not going to believe there are people out there that only like the Modern HenKai Dbz knockoff games. Try saying that to the sonic design poll held on FB where casual people prefer the classic over modern. 22k compared to 7k or so 22k being classic. Its just the internet is infested with poisoned minds where people think sonic is about epic forms and it pisses me off. Now Mario is turning in a rehashed lazy port shithole as well.

If you don't like what I say though and don't want to hear it then here is a little advice don't watch my fucking videos and don't subscribe its that simple you fucking stalking me like there is nothing else to do on youtube.

So please just leave me alone if you hate me. If you don't like what I say just leave as well. If you know people who wouldn't like what I would say just say I am a troll. I don't want videos on me or any more haters than I already do now. Also if you want to know why I cuss so much well there is a reason but also its normal so what everyone cusses. Just leave me alone and let me meet people who agree with me and get likes for once.



40k Down The Shitter

In recent news, if you haven't heard, Nintendo has recently released a line of toys called Amiibo for kids and adults alike. Since the things are selling pretty well, you can expect not only Sony to make their shitty version of it soon enough, but there to be scalpers as well. Of course, Mariotehplumber has taken scalping to a whole new level.

Supposedly, in a recent interview, under the name Daily Dose, Mariotehplumber has spent ABOUT $4,000 on these damn things and even plans to spend 35,000 dollars more. Four. Fucking. Thousand. Where he got 4,000 dollars, the world may never know. It could be from his college fund or crack money or from whoring himself out in the Jersey alleyways, but what we do know is that this was a waste of money. Think about it. This 4,000 dollars could have gone to a poor, starving family in Africa, but instead, this money was wasted on multiple versions of the same piece of fucking plastic. And he plans on spending $35,000 more on them.

Mariotehplumer showing us what he's about to do with his figures.

In the interview, Mariotehplumber did his usual whining about Nintendo games and Sonic with surprisingly improved grammar than in his troll-y days, and he basically showed through the pictures that he did all of this to spite all the people who ridiculed him. That's right, this wasn't because he has a hard on for Nintendo characters (Well, it was, but still), it was a revenge attempt at his haters. Yeah, I think the only people who are offended by this are hardcore Nintendo fanboys. So while Nintendo is swimming in Mariotehplumber's prostitute money Scrooge McDuck-style, he's racking up as many as he possibly can so now no one else can buy them, out of spite. Here are some of the things Mariotehplumber said in the interview:

Let me just start off by saying I was a huge Nintendo fan back in the NES-Wii era. I am no longer that big of a fan. I was a bigger fan of Mario when he was from Brooklyn than him just being a resident of the mushroom kingdom. I was a big fan of early Zelda until they decided to shove anime style in our faces I am not a big fan of this. Also, because of certain audiences and choices people made to change Nintendo.


—Mariotehplumber sucks at lore

I base them simply on scarce merch, popularity, the hentai look, and obscure character to never have a figure.


—The interviewer never has an opinion on these lines, but they are probably along the lines of "What the fuck"

If I get the chance to get a defect I would buy them but using multiple family members and friends to help me order bulk amiibo is good enough. The companies send them to different addresses which they can’t find out if I am a reseller or not that’s the best part.


—Pretty sure his family won't give two shits about buying him a broken toy

Here's the entire interview if you want to read this shit.

MarioTehPlumber's stream

Every Saturday, MarioTehPlumber and his gay boyfriend TheBalishChannel, being the basement dwelling low lives they are who have no problem throwing their 20's away to playing games that were designed for children, stream Nintendo games and anime on Twitch, instead of partying hard and getting laid.

Their gay stream includes the following:

  • Unfunny sex jokes
  • A bunch of faggot ass whiteknights/trolls/pedos
  • Newfags that find the stream getting berated by pedophiles and TheBalishChannel for not worshiping his streams and anime

The owner of the stream, TheBalishChannel (Powerword: Ronald Balish), is a vapid SJW. TheBalishChannel enforces political correctness in his Discord/chatroom, and will bully others who dissent into silence like a good little spineless SJW. So if you dare say anything not politically-correct, you're not welcome in his circle! TheBalishChannel enforces PC goodthink and punishes wrongthink (even if said wrongthink goes against his religion). TheBalishChannel also draws pedophilic images, which may explain why he defends other degenerates (even if it's to be "ironic" or as a "joke", there's no excuse).

TheBalishChannel betrays and turns on his loyal but non-PC fans, just to virtue-signal and white-knight for mentally ill degenerates that may or may not give him money one day. All this, just so he can waste his life further, and lap up the narcissistic energy he gets from all the fan art to temporarily improve his self-esteem.

Not only is TheBalishChannel a pussy, but he is a literal pedophile as well.

A gallery of TheBalishChannel's "art"

Ways to troll TheBalishChannel

  • Call him a pedo
  • Call him a faggot
  • Tell him the holocaust was a lie
  • Bully his viewers
  • Say his streams are the worst shit on Twitch
  • Tell him he's an untalented artist (pronounced autist)
  • Raid his Twitch chat
  • Call him up on Skype and tell him he's a pedophile
  • Use Marjo Mii on Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and beat him in a race

How to troll Mariotehplumber

  • Tell him that Sonic 1 sucks balls
  • Tell him Rosalina is the best character in Mario
  • Tell him that the Game Grumps are better than him and that he's jealous of them
  • Tell him that Sonic Adventure 2 is better than Sonic 1
  • Tell him that anything is better with Rosalina involved
  • Tell him that Sonic Adventure 3 should happen
  • Tell him how cool Blacks, Asians, and any other race besides Whites are
  • Tell him about how racist and sexist he is
  • Tell him how great Japan, Europe, and/or any other country besides Canada is
  • Tell him how Canada sucks balls
  • Tell him that Hotel Mario, and the CD-i Zelda games sucks ass
  • Tell him that he'll never be as good as the Game Grumps, or any other big let's players on JewTube
  • Tell him that he would love to fuck Rosalina
  • Tell him that he loves Rosalina.
  • Tell him you want to have his Rosalina Amiibos
  • Tell him Splatoon is superior to COD and Halo.
  • Insult his best friend who is a similarly retarded lolcow named Haedox for his equally intense hatred of Splatoon.
  • Roleplay as Rosalina or another “hentai” character
  • Point out his flaws
  • Tell him Rosalina is the hottest girl ever.
  • post untranslated Fapanese footage to MTP
  • say that a Super Mario 64 Remake with multiplayer and online or a 3D Sonic 1 Remake is never happening.
  • Ask him why he ripped this doors off his walls and if he ripped off anymore recently
  • Ask him why he punches holes in his walls and throws chairs around like a manchild
  • Ask him about his chewed up 3DS' L-button
  • Ask him to play Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and play as Rosalina (Be sure you beat him or spam using her to make him even more pissed)
  • Ask him about the condition of his own home
  • Ask him about his bio that's being written about him
  • Ask him about his relationship with his waifu, Rosalina
  • Ask him about his anger management problems and his mental health
  • Make a video of him (especially about him and Rosalina) and PM it to him
  • Make either a rule 34 of him with Rosalina, or a photoshopped picture of him with Rosalina doing many different things, and send it to him
  • Make fun of him in his video from the comments
  • Make fun of him in general
  • Post rule 34 of the Inkling Girl from Splatoon
  • Post pics of cosplayer girls wearing sexy schoolgirl outfits.
  • Disagree with him
  • Be Japanese
  • Ask him how the wedding with Rosalina went and how his three kids are doing
  • Downvote his videos even if he says not to


Rage videos

Mariotehplumber's Favourite games

  • Sonic The Hedgehog 1
  • Sonic The Hedgehog 2
  • Sonic The Hedgehog 3
  • Sonic & Knuckles
  • Sonic CD
  • Sonic Genesis
  • Sonic '06
  • Sonic Generations
  • Banjo-Kazooie
  • Titanfall
  • Mario Kart 8
  • All Mario games made before 2006
  • All Zelda games made before 2006
  • CD-I Games

Games/Objects that Mariotehplumber has destroyed

  • Crash Bandicoot
  • Spyro: Year of The Dragon
  • Mega Man X6
  • A lamp
  • A couch
  • A Dreamcast
  • A printer
  • A door (ripping it off the wall)
  • His walls (punching holes into them)
  • Almost everything in his parents' basement except the baby toys they gave him.
  • Rosalina Amiibo figure (ripped her head off)
  • Case containing the Super Smash Bros 4 Soundtrack (Because Rosalina is in this cover and it's very CHEAP in casing)
  • His micro dick
  • His asshole
  • His reputation
  • His future

Gallery of an Aspie

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also

External links

MTP himself:


  •   thebalishchannel

Xbox Live: BalishChannel

Nintendo Switch FC: SW-0758-2213-7510

Nintendo Network ID: TheBalishChannel

[email protected]

[email protected]



Mariotehplumber is part of a series on
Sonic the Hedgehog


  Mariotehplumber is part of a series on Aspies. [Back to your happy placeSperg out]

Adam LanzaAlbert EinsteinAlexander SlavrosAmber ButtrumAndy KaufmanAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAspies for FreedomAspierationsBambifan101Barron TrumpBeefraveBenny_the_SnakeBill9929Bill GatesBlocklandersBodyXPoliticBoris MalagurskiBram CohenBrandon SmithBrownsquirrelChibiyimaChris-chanChris Harper-MercerCyndilovespiccoloDan CilleyDarrDarius McCollumDarviela MaravaronaDaxFlameDisneyFan01DragonfanDropdatwatdrp1zzaEdenHeroineGirlErik RibsskogErin AnthonyEthan DavisEvan GraggFlaglerchatFlardoxGary McKinnonGrantMGreg MazujianHannah CappsHeed My WarningInmendhamInuboy1000IronholdsJack Gilbert GrahamJared MiltonJahi/4444Jessi SlaughterJoekerJohn Patrick RogersJoseph8276Kawaii KitsuneKelseyaliciaKevin HavensKloeriKingMasterReviewKirbysloverKphoriaKawaiiKittee88LeafyIsHereLukas PietschLyndsay KirkhamLougaraLordelthibarLynn AnnM. ChaosManlytearsMark ZuckerbergMariotehplumberM. ChaosMascotGuyMatthew DavisMDetector5Michael GimsonMikey RizzoMinefagsMisha SilenostiMissyMix HyenaMonica PunkMutescreamMylarBalloonFanNate SpidgewoodNemo HanaNichole337Nick BravoNicky ReillyNikolas CruzNeuroOlinkalexOnigojirakaijuOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPMDrive1061PopcornPrince JeremyRobert Clark YoungROtardsRootbrianRoss LumbusRyanSammyClassicSonicFanSeleryShane LeeSiriusOrionisStarbladeStarkiller88SteAndKelSperginTablecowTGcomixTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagThe Eclectic EspeonTheme Park ReviewTheMysteriousMrEnterTherealagerbonThe JuggernautThe Unknown AutobotToby J RathjenToKeNTom SersonToshTrigglypuffTylerthDragonUlillilliawwwareaWeatherManKevinWerechuWetflameWilliam FreundWim CrusioWolfAdvocateWolfeedarkfangYouZS3

Mariotehplumber is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

  Those Who Have Died Alone

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Those Dying Alone

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