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Mela is the handle chosen by one of the Citadel world's queens. Nothing in her life is worth mentioning except maybe for the fact that she runs eSchwa BBS with an iron fist, much like former cultleaders in Waco.


Her beautiful artwork can be found at, her personal website where she enshrines herself and her loved ones with much frilly decoration to try to detract from the fact that her entire family is fat, and therefore wrong. This is due to the fact that her family feasts on dead babies every time somebody in their cult has a new crotchdropping.

Her rule could have gone on indefinitely with little or no drama. Unfortunately for her, she rules her system much like Hitler during WWII. Her repeated edits of content to her system prevent a fair and unbiased view of the users' opinions within discussions on her system. While this method may work for the United States and other large and successful soldiers against global terror, we all know that digital media preserves the lulz as a form of truth.

Her latest attempt to rewrite history occurred when Mary Moon became the front page on ED. At this point it was determined that those responsible for lulzification of text-based media needed to show these links to the persons responsible. See also Mary moon eSchwa e-rape. At the end of this article you will see that attempts to generate new drama seemed to fail miserably after Mela donned the jackboots (Citadel speak) and deleted all references to Mary Moon and her exposed Vagina. The following traces were left behind:

Drama Logs from eSchwa

Jul 26, 2007 11:26 from Ice Queen

It's mean-spirited ass-hattery.  I predict a bbs shitstorm will be in full
effect in about six hours.

[Off Topic> msg #10792 (4 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next

Jul 26, 2007 11:34 from Einstein
The meanspirited asshattery has been on the front page of ed for like a week
a shame the troll posted anonymously. no guts

plz, no shitstorm. the whole "e-rape" thing was totally played out [[at least
100 years ago]].
[Off Topic> msg #10793 (3 remaining)] Read cmd ->

Jul 26, 2007 11:45 from Ice Queen
Guts aren't the missing anatomy, so much as something lower down.
[Off Topic> msg #10794 (2 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next

Jul 26, 2007 11:51 from Aji
[Off Topic> msg #10795 (1 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next

Jul 26, 2007 11:53 from Einstein
I think we could all agree on "moral fortitude" rather than anatomical analogy
[Off Topic> msg #10796 (0 remaining)] Read cmd ->

Mela countered the entire incident with this:

Jul 26, 2007 11:40 from Mela (Forum Moderator)
Here's the deal. We love new people, right? Right?

Due to recent trollitude and asshattery, I'm going to institute a referral
system here. If you refer someone here, please Y>ell to me their handle/name
and I'll make sure that they're validated quickly. I'll contact those without
referrals to tell me where they found Eschwa. It's far from foolproof, but it
will hopefully quell some of that garbage.

And if you're just here to stir up trouble, we'd be mightily obliged to see you
on your way. Yep, my definition of trouble may be arbitrary and totally
unfair in your eyes, but I believe that this BBS will not survive without these
drastic measures.

Thanks, and feel free to pillory my decision (or make a reasoned argument to
change my mind, even) in Bitch>.
[Tranquility Base> msg #215 (0 remaining)] Read cmd ->

The Gavel Drops

As any users of eSchwa know, this is a completely pointless final paragraph. Mela does not change policy. This is also evidenced in her prejudice against certain users that have rubbed her the wrong way. She claims to try to keep the drama down to a minimum by banning and twitting certain users; however, this is only true with ones that are really on her shitlist.

It just goes to show that fat people fail at all that they say and do. Meanwhile, the perpetrators of the lulz are continuing to find ways into her system to drop helpful nuggets of information into various rooms when she's not looking. After all, someone has to fight for truth.

Misc Errata


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