Monkey Island

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Police.gif This is the article for the game "Monkey Island". For the real monkey island see "Africa".


The adult content in today's video games makes me sick.
This is the worst thing that can happen Jon.
This is the best thing that can happen Jon. NOM NOM NOM

Best fucking game ever and the #1 reason why people who think that pirates fucking own ninjas are totally right. Also the original source of the concept of voodoo. That really lame movie with Johnny Depp ripped off plot elements, such as the concept of an incompetent yet lucky pirate getting advice from a black voodoo lady with a Jamaican accent living in a hut on stilts in a swamp (but that could have been coincidence), because they knew only nerds would notice. One of the many games created by jerks like Grumpy Gamer and Lucas Arts before they decided to cater to fanboys and make nothing but crappy Star Wars games.

Characters

Guybrush Threepwood

The hero of the series, Guybrush is basically what every goon aspires to be: a funny, likable, slightly nerdy guy who always has a good comeback, has a hot wife, and isn't bad looking himself. Unfortunately, they can only manage the nerdy aspect, so they live vicariously through Guybrush instead. All in all, he's a pretty cool guy.

Lame Disney ripoff: Will Turner, except 1,000x more of a pussy faggot.

Elaine Marley

Guybrush's hot wife and governor of at least three islands. Generally gets kidnapped or somehow incapacitated so that you have to rescue her despite the fact that she's pretty badass.

Lame Disney ripoff: Elizabeth Swannn, right down to being governor's daughter and kidnap by zombie pirates (except Elaine IS the governor, lol).

LeChuck

A ghost-zombie-demon pirate with a huge beard who loved Elaine so much that when she told him to drop dead, he did. Unfortunately she just isn't into having sex with dead guys, so he settles for making her and Guybrush's lives miserable instead.

Lame Disney ripoff: Barbossa, except LeChuck revels in his undeath instead of being a whiny fag about it. Davy Jones is pushing it, too.

Voodoo Lady

Invented voodoo and helps Guybrush out by telling you what the fuck you're supposed to do. Also makes a love bomb so you can date-rape Elaine. She can generally be found in swamps, and sometimes you have to get to her cabin via coffin boat. Sound familiar?

Lame Disney ripoff: Tia Dalma, except with worse teeth and more stupid mary-sue goddess powers.

Stan

A used-boat/coffin/life insurance/time share salesman. An upgrade of the dancing shopkeepers in Secret of Mana for the modern era, Stan wears a snazzy suit and you always end up needing whatever he's selling.

Lame Disney ripoff: None!

Games

The Secret of Monkey Island

Generally considered the best game in the series, the first game sees Guybrush as a noob who wants to be a pirate. Instead of, you know, joining up with a pirate crew or anything, he has to do three tasks instead. He gets involved with the whole LeChuck/Elaine fiasco, falls in love with Elaine, and kills LeChuck at the end with root beer.

Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge

Generally considered the best game in the series, Guybrush is now a fully-qualified pirate and sets out to find the legendary treasure of Big Whoop, which turns out to be a theme park. He kills LeChuck at the end with a voodoo doll, and at the end it turns out that they're brothers.

The Curse of Monkey Island

Generally considered the best game in the series, the whole brothers thing at the end of 2 turns out to have been a trick (but fags will still argue with you about it). Guybrush proposes to Elaine, but the ring is cursed to turn whoever wears it into gold. He runs off to the Voodoo Lady for help but forgets to hide a solid gold statue on an island full of pirates, so now you have to break the curse and go save her. Guybrush kills LeChuck with ice at the end, marries Elaine, and in the secret hidden ending has hot, hot sex with her.

Escape From Monkey Island

Ask anyone remotely familiar with the series and they'll tell you that this game sucks balls. They're right. With shitty 3D graphics and horrible controls, it was a huge step-down from Curse's awesome cartoony style and a control system that a blind retard could use. Anyway, in this game there's a guy who hates pirates and wants to end piracy forever (y halo thar Disney!) by turning them all into polite gentlemen. Also, Elaine is declared legally dead so in the eyes of the law it's technically necrophilia. At the end Guybrush and LeChuck do battle in giant robot monkeys. It's not as awesome as it sounds but the game still has its good moments.

Tales of Monkey Island

At first glance, it looks like your average ploy to squeeze more money out of die-hard oldbie fans of the series by releasing individual episodes months apart. Despite being exactly that, Telltale Games (makers of the new Sam & Max games as well as SBCG4AP) do a reasonable job keeping the original humor and silliness of the series. In this game, Guybrush tries to kill LeChuck right at the start of the game (see also: The Curse of Monkey Island), but he screws something up in typical fashion, and now LeChuck is not only 100% ALIVE AND WELL, but most of his evil now resides in Guybrush's left hand. The rest is just kind of floating around the tri-island area. As usual, Guybrush has to call on the awesome Voodoo Lady to guide him into fixing the mess he made. In the end, they all live happily every after and have a laugh along the way.

Insult List and Correct Responses

The games contained insult mini-games where the player or his enemy would make an extremely witty insult and the player would have to make the correct comeback. Here is a list of correct and extremely witty comebacks for the games:

  • Insult: "I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!"
  • Comeback: "LOL FAG!1"
  • Insult: "People fall at my feet when they see me coming."
  • Comeback: "OMFG, STFU U R A FAG!1!!1"
  • Insult:"I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!"
  • Comeback: "GTFO U FUCKING FAG!11!!!1
  • Insult: "You fight like a dairy farmer!"
  • Comeback: "NO U, FAG!!!!11!!"

See Also

External Links

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