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- 3 Forum factions
- 4 Infamous Posters
Recently, the inmates of PoE News have been tormented by nasty anonymous moderators who appear hell-bent on booting all the Assburgers cases, shut-ins, mouthbreathers and other lunatics who have made the forum the trainwreck that it is. Fag on the Forums Xiphias and various other weak sisters have even threatened to leave the forum over this outrage! A mighty threat because - really - how the fuck could the forum ever replace these dorks!?
Edumacated opinion (in the form of the Chat Cabal) has fingered the shadow mods as:
- King Prawn
- Dr. Ayn Rand
- ygurts <- THIS GUY is, looking at his post history, probably the main culprit for the site's recent total self-destruction
The Truth, always, is far, far stranger....
The forums are populated by a tragic assemblage of broken people:
- Unemployed English, Classics, and Philosophy majors all desperate to try to prove that their educations actually count for shit
- Tragic middle-aged nerds (known as 'Binros in PoE-speak)
- Renegade Canadian professors of mediaeval cocksuckery
- Fat fugly chicks
- Autistic techies
- Angry twentysomething lesbians
- Capitalist running-dogs
The inmates of PoE News considered themselves superior to the lumpenproletariat over to Portal of Evil back when there were actually people at Portal of Evil. PoE News also likes to imagine it is superior to Fark, but in reality this is just due to the PoE posters not having figured out how to steal Photoshop.
Great Moments in PoE News History
- The great meet-up of 2003. Punch was served, longstanding rivalries were formed, and several weeks later, many of the participants had discovered that they had contracted HIV.
Games PoE News People Play
- Secret Faggot - a formerly banned poster registers a new account a few days and makes posts that attempt to disguise his or her identity. If the forumgoers do not immediately figure it out, the Secret Faggot will make posts in a style more and more reminiscent of their former identity, until someone guesses the correct answer. This doubles as a hazing mechanism for posters who are legitimately new to the site, who are incessantly accused of being MusingMelpomene.
- Fagdancing - a lover's quarrel between two established PoE News posters. It involves an argument between the two that, while initially on-topic, quickly switches to undisguised personal insults in a rapid-fire, back-and-forth manner. Other posters come running to enjoy the show, and egg one or both contestants on.
- Trainwreck - similar to the above, but is more of a gangbang-style affair, requiring at least three (and possibly many, many more) posters. To qualify for official trainwreck status, the thread must go on for at least 100 posts. A recent news item about the Israeli invasion into Gaza resulted in a forum where over 1000 posts were generated. HAZMAT teams were called in, and the entire forum was described by one worker as, "Like a disaster area but full of sanctimonious cunts."
Prancing faggots are faggots who, every time they post, choose to post somewhere that will allow them to prance for multiple posts, showing what a motherfucking prancing faggot it is possible to be on the Internet.
- Feyd (The very model of a modern prancing faggot)
A small group of the more unstable and shut-in posters who once sat around on rizon sucking each other off; most notable for spamming the forums with unfunny chatlogs. The regular meltodowns of its members are an ongoing source of lulz.
Group of Canadian males ages 22-50 who play the shit out of FPSes and love talking dorky sass in the POE-News forums. They like elves and Pratchett. AND SWORDS!
Confused Old Men
Men on a fixed income using a computer in a public library to post their inane ramblings.
- elle (possibly not a man)
Marijuana Fat Estrogen Experiments
These are (former) males whose experimentation with marijuana and massive obesity has put their gender into question. This also increases their chance of breast cancer. MFEE males are advised to perform breast self-exams regularly and check with their physicians about mammograms.
- PUKESNARLULTRA28000 (PSU28k)
- BigBeefBurritosSupreme (BBBS)
- stationary_tornado (stator)
Guys who post 2,000 words about how crushed they are that their best friend's little sister lost her virginity to some older guy, or, alternatively, are obsessed with what regular folks might (unkindly) characterise as "kid's stuff". See also Binro.
- Hooper_X - gay for Transformers. Recently became famous for 15 minutes
- Cap'n Profan!ty - autistic college professor with a boner for Lego
- ULTRA PEANUT - Sonic fanboy
Stands for Autistics, Aspies, ADD and Anxiety, a group of confused young men who have trouble figuring how stuff works sometimes but can mysteriously manage to log in and post endless shit online. Includes everything from a watercooler-tossing suicidal single father, a starry-eyed gay orphan, an opinionated gay Aspergers prostitute, a fantasy-writing Wal-Mart cashier, a guy who was once pinned on the ground for an hour with a water hose by a group of his friends and a PTSD wreck with apocalypse fantasies. Holders of 95% of all Frunz on the boards, generators of somewhat frequent, amazingly high quality lulz.
Dogfuckers and Pedophiles
- MyTanookiSuitHasBalls aka AlfredShitcock
These are users who have publicly confessed to "...having drunk from the mancock on occasion", meaning they have DRUNK PISS:
- Namor (Cubjim)
Sluts on the Skids
Batshit women sliding down a series of fat cocks toward a bad end.
The vast majority of posters are unaffiliated, but still capable of producing occasional lulz.
- Starless and Bible Black (aka StukaFox, sworn enemy of Scientology)
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