Reference Desk

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What? This article needs moar lulzy quotes and screencaps from stupidity and trolling.
You can help by adding moar lulzy quotes and screencaps from stupidity and trolling.
LaraLove on night shift duty at the Reference Desk, wearing clothes much less casual than she is used to wearing, and being checked out by the_undertow as he begs her for the answer to the question "Did Hitler really have blue eyes?".
The Reference Desk is pwnt by a cockpuppet of Grawp.
The Reference Desk is also an agony aunt column for 13-year-old boys who don't know how to treat women properly.
The stupidity of the Wikipedians shines once again as an obvious troll is taken seriously....

The Reference Desk is Wikipedia's very own version of Yahoo! Answers, the site for every 13-year-old boy who is naive enough to believe that truth can be found through Google, Web 2.0, Everything2 and the collective knowledge of the masses. The exploitable Reference Desk also shares a common trait with Yahoo! Answers - it is a great, even awesome place to conduct acts of trolling.

Population

Since the internet is not a library, and people like NawlinWiki are lost and confused without order, hierarchy and structure (i.e. most of the internet), the volunteers who answer people's inquiries at the Reference Desk are generally nerdy asspie unemployed, university or school student boring fucks with IRL social anxiety problems, who will bawwwwwww if you try to verbally attack them. The views of these people are also conservative and retarded because Wikipedia encourages censorship, conformity and restriction of free thought through the rigidly enforced NPOV, notability and criteria for speedy deletion policies. Hell, even 420chan's "intelligent" boards are probably better places to gain knowledge than the Reference Desk, because at least they can inject some humor (since this is an American website, there's no second "u" in the word 'humor') into what they do whilst retaining the ability to discuss matters of serious business. The reference desk also violates Wikipedia Policies and Guidelines, because it involves the encyclopedia being used as an offtopic discussion forum.

Zain Ebrahim

Zain Ebrahim is a South African bastard, child raper and overall fuck to society. His is Avril Lavigne's self appointed nemesis, and as a result has been boiled alive.

Places to visit

The pop culture section is a place where 13-year-old boys like to congregate and talk about the trivia and cruft that gets regularly purged from Wikipedia articles. They also ask for the answers to their school homework, but Wikipedia tells them to 'do your own homework', and also doesn't give out medical or legal advice, because these amateurs who give out advice at the Reference Desk are insufficiently qualified to act as an authority on such information.

Actual questions asked at the Reference Desk

The following are actual questions asked on the Reference Desk. For added lulz, ask them again as often as possible.


   
 
Arab street hookers dress... In the porn site, the models were wearing arab attire, where my wife can get those?
 

 
 

—A weird extension of Wikipedia Porn

   
 
I'm a 17 year-old girl. I smoked a cigarette from my dad's packet a few months back, and got addicted to smoking. Unfortunately, dad gave up smoking just after that, so I haven't had any opportunities to smoke any more cigarettes after that. I got so addicted that I made my own "cigarette" my rolling up a bit of cotton in a piece of newspaper, and lighting a fire to make it just smoulder. It's not much, and it gives out a lot of smoke, but any kind of smoke does for me. My question is: Is this kind of smoking even more harmful than cigarette smoking, as it gives out more smoke and ash?


 


 
 

—I was recently passing through a local field, as one does. There I met a stunning female. You had a very large stomach, beautiful nipples which you let me squeeze and a prefence for a natural diet. If you are out there please get in touch. I think your name was Daisy, but when you talked you were quite monosyllabic and I did not really understand. Then you sat down and ignored me and it started to rain.

   
 
There is a shit stuck down my toilet that just won't flush. Short of calling a plumber, what can I do?


 


 
 

—We were stood in the same street photograph commemorating the end of the first world war. A sepia tinge to your skin, you had nearly every inch of your body covered in excessively thick garments. Your perfect deportment was only marred slightly by the vague air of tuberculosis. I was the bow-legged gentleman with rickets. If you're still alive - get in touch, girl.

   
 
I'm looking for the lady that I sat next to on the Northern Line on 3rd August 1975. I don't remember what time or which part of the Northern Line but I am sure you will remember me. I was wearing a bright paisley shirt, green flares and hush puppies, I had a beard and prominent sideburns. You had medium length brown hair, two eyes and a nose. We made eye contact for a second and I knew it was true love. Rather than do anything useful with my life I've been sitting in my room thinking about you for the last 32 years. Then 10 years ago they invented the internet and I realised I might be able to find you. So please get in touch, I miss you.


 


 
 

—Hi, I'm looking for a girl who walked past me 3 days ago on the High Street. I know you can't find her for me, I just need some advice on how to trace her. The thing is, we could of had something good, something meaningful if only I had stopped. It could of been the start of something so magical that Hollywood would make a movie about us. She was wearing a red jumper and jeans and had a beanie hat on. Is there any way I can trace her?

   
 
A year or so ago I wanted to know how much cum I could produce in a week, so I used a plasitc bottle every day (sometimes several times a day although the amount would be less each time) to collect it. By the end of the week there was a fair amount, but thats not why I am asking this question. The cum really began to smell rank, like some sort of industrial strength wood glue. It also turned from white to a yellowish color. What caused this, because it was scealed in a bottle and no bacterias could get in? Are there bacterias in the cum when I comes out of me? Does drinking Yakult make this problem worse?


 


 
 

—Is it illegal to take a dump in your garden as it is private property? The reason I ask is I used to habitually foul my neighbors driveway. There has been animosity between our family and the one next door virtually from the outset. The petty bickering continued to and fro for years. As the middle child I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbors and I chose faeces as my weapon. About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness. I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in it's usual porcelain surroundings. In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo. Me and dad thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations although I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations. In actual fact you guys are the first people I have ever told, a good 15 years on from the original deed (I did it for about a year). Is this illegal?

   
 
i have a realy hot cuzin and realy wana f**k her were not blood related and i dont no what to do


 


 
 

—Whenever my wife needs to use the bathroom i make her scratch on the door and wait for me to let her out into the backyard. Then i make her use the bathroom out there. Im the only one that can use one of the three real bathrooms in our house. Anyway my point is one of my friends said that its really f**ked up to do that to your wife, and i was like "doesn't everyone make their wife do that?" and he said no. So what im asking is, is it normal to make your wife go to the bathroom in the back yard?

   
 
Last night. I cannot believe how someone who professed to love me could be so cruel. He has now hurt me so very much. I think he wants to destroy me. Yet underneath it all he behaves likes he still loves me Why does he keep on and on and on at me. Should I walk away? A part of me still pains for him yet the other says he is a monster.


 


 
 

—I keep having these bad dreams that Margaret Thatcher blames me for her resignation and downfall and has set Norman Tebbitt on me, and this 1980's band called the Flying Pickets want me to appear in their new video. It's got so bad that I won't go down to my local Sainsbury's as I'm afraid of who I'm going to bump into.

   
 
Travelling on the Bakerloo Line on Saturday about 4pm - you had a kangaroo with you, and was wearing a full suit of armour (circa 1650). I was the guy with a head. I smiled at you and you slapped me across the face in a 'I want to get to know you kind of way'. How about lunch on Sunday? I know a good vegetarian restaurant in Covent Garden (do you eat vegetarians?), perhaps followed by the opera? Please wear your suit of armour so that I recognise you.


 


 
 

—I took my granny out to see the Kaiser Chiefs live in Glasgow, and she went off with some guys and I haven't seen her since. She is quite a cool granny and she raps to Eminem, and she doesnt act her age. She is 4 foot 3 and about 7 stone has grey and a walking stick. If found please return, as her jack russell is lonely and we miss her stories about the olden days. She is approx 74 and answers to the name Anna.

   
 
I was walking down the road on Tuesday and letting my mind wander freely. However, when I arrived, my Mind was gone. Nowhere to be seen. Hasn't come back since and it's leaving me in disarray. Though I can live out of my mind quite happily, but I have concern for it's well being, as it is quite delicate and unstable, though poses no risk to anyone else. Identifying features include: an air of deluded grandure, the latest expression of confusion (very fashion conscious), and a lopsided gait. Many thanks


 


 
 

—I am not asking for medical advice, mearly a "push in the right direction" for a specific problem. My girlfriend and I have been going out for several months and a few days ago we decided to concertmate the relationship. However, my girlfriend is quite petite, and being a large man myself we experienced some difficulty. Basically what I am asking is are there ways of solving the problem of, er, how should I put this, the mans penis being too large to fit comfortably into the womans vagina? She is very upset because of this as she feels that she has somehow let me down. I have tried to reasure her, but unless I can produce a viable solution soon I feel I may lose her. Thank you for you help.

   
 
it was a day me and my best friend (girl of course) when we watch porn she started masterbating.i said don t over do it.then she toched my erected peni.and we go all the way and when she blow job i came inside her mouth.she swallowed the cum.and now she is telling me that she is pregnent


 


 
 

—Okay, so its a fairly simple question. Some of the guys say that they'll have sex with the girl for however long with a rubber on and then when they're ready they pull out and take the condom off quickly and the girl lets them cum all over her boobs or her face or whatever. Some of my other friends say that they just f**k and f**k and then simply climax inside the girl with the condom still on,. I realize a condom is there to protect but i'm just curious, is it unnatural to do one or the other? I prefer just finishing while I'm inside the girl but some guys say they just pull out and etc. Which is it? Does it matter? Is it safe for you to come inside the girl with a condom on or is that not recommended?

   
 
when i was at school i was looking at this girls ass then she saw me and smiled and give me a wink what does this mean?


 


 
 

—ok, me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over a month and fooling around. We were both virgins when we started dating but have had sex ten times or so and she hasn't had an orgasm. I have eaten her out and fingered her and she hasn't had an orgasm. In fact, she has never even given herself one. We both want her to have one really bad and she is getting extremely frustrated. Is there any sort of fingering or eating out technique or something I could do while we are having sex to give her an orgasm. When we are having sex it is not a problem with the amount of time, I can usually go fifteen to twenty minutes, but she says a lot of times she doesn't feel hardly any pleasure, and I'm seven inches long with good girth so I have no idea what the problem is. Help!

   
 
hello there i am a 18 year old guy and i live in scotland. i cannot pull back the foreskin of my penis. i've not had a circumcision and i cant pull back my foreskin. Is this normal? thnx for your time and help! :)


 


 
 

—i have a realy hot cuzin and realy wana f**k her were not blood related and i dont no what to do

   
 
Over the past few weeks
We've been seeing more and more
Of someone who we all know well;
Someone who we all adore!
So join the fun, she is the best -
All hail the Skater Chick
On the Reference Desk!


 


 
 

—I'm 18 years old and FEMALE, I do realize you don't finish growing mentally and physically until after 18 but the thing is, I've been questioning my sexuality. I will admit, I've dated men and women. This is what worries me though, the only person I felt like I'd give the world to was a girl and then she 'threw my heart' to the ground and stomped on it... Alright, yeah that's drama, whatever, anyways. I've dated guys but it just wasn't the same after her honestly. I've never had sex, ever, because I could never answer that question. Now I'm in a cluster, I'm dating a girl online, dating this guy in real life, and another guy online... Thing is, the guy in real life, he's really sweat and everything and I fear that I just can't give him everything. That's what bothers me the most. Everytime I date a guy I feel caged, but the 2 girls I've dated I don't feel caged, in fact I feel like I could give them the whole world... Another thing, I've dated more guys then girls... I think I might be gay, but with the family I've been raised in, I'm unsure if I am. My family is Anglican (A.K.A. a form of Christianity) I do want children, that's what also makes me confused... Am I gay? Or am I straight?

   
 
Hey, so I still living at home because I have no cash to get my own place and I was talking to my father and some how the conversation came up, wearing socks to bed. He told me that wearing socks can cause athlets foot. Is this true or is he full of crap


 


 
 

—OK my friend was saying that, in health in sex ed, they learned that there was some ratio between foot size and c*ck size. Now is that true, I think he was just trying to make fun of me because I have small feet, but then again I also have a small dick so..... that doesn't help. Is there a ratio?

   
 
I've only ever engaged in oral sex with a partner; although I enjoy masturbation very much. I used a sex toy to pleasure myself for the first time. It could go approx. 6-7 inches into me, without pain. Is this normal? I thought that the 'cherry' was located 3-4 into the vagina.. My vagina does not hurt afterwards except slight discomfort from the width of the toy.


 


 
 

—I am a 21-yr-old female and the one thing that turns me on the most is watching men masturbate. I mean I get off from other things or from thinking about other things. But when I masturbate my primary fantasy is of a guy jerking off. Is this normal? I masturbate on a regular basis but I don't really talk to my female friends about it because we just... don't.

   
 
hi, im 15 years old and am a girl. i masturbated for the first time the other day and afterwards i had a kind of throbbing pain. is this normal? also, how should i masturbate?


 


 
 

—Okay for the average guy the story is they cant get a girl. My problem is i don't know what girl to pick. theres these two really hot girls that both like me, and i like them both. but it totally sucks cause i cant decide please get me some advice or tell me to do decide or something and by the way dont give me gay answers like "ask both of them to have sex and have a threesome." or " get them alone and pull out the bait and see who reacts better"

   
 
I find it hard to believe people still want to go into the theater to see Tim Allen. The man is a wash out who is only in it for money. Everyone knows Home Improvement was a great show but this Santa Clause stuff? Come on for Christ sake. Not to mention the Outer Space movies he made. Who in their right might could watch something like that for more then 5 minutes? Jerry Seinfeld had the guts to understand the only thing he had after the show Seinfeld was what he had before, a stand up act. You dont see Jerry trying to be Santa in outer space living with Aliens. Face it Tim Allen has nothing but Home Improvement why cant he understand that? Tim Allen needs to have the balls to go on national TV and say he does not deserve to play Santa because he is nothing more then a Greedy man who is only in it for money. Not a role model for out children.


 


 
 

—I was at a party, and I was having a great time there with my girlfriend, and my friends. And later on, my girlfriend and I were making out, which was ok. But after like 30 seconds, I had to stop because I was feeling really sad. I don't know what I was to be sad about, I wasn't cheating on her, never have, never will. I don't like anyone else, I love her, madly. But I'm just confused now because I have no idea why I felt sad.

   
 
Ok well im 13 and my parents thinks that im a little angel that could never do anything wrong, and that my friends are a bad influence on me. This however is completely wrong, i curse, i masterbate, i watch porn, and im an athiest (she is a strong beleiver in god). One time my friend came over to spend the night and while we were playing video games we cursed... a lot, and she thought it was all him. Now she doesn't like me even talking to him. I feel like i should tell her that im not the little angel she thinks i am, but then i think that i hate being grounded. Please help.


 


 
 

—is it o.k to look at pics of naked children but not sexual pics? i think these pics are nice and natural, but are they considered illegal?

   
 
I am still quite young... but, I am obsessed with the bondage culture... None of the extreme stuff, but the more... Well.. The more gentle submission... I am a submissive male, and I desire a girl who will dominate me, but not be violent... Is this normal? Am I normal for wanting a bondage relationship at this age? (16-18 Is my age range)


 


 
 

—I sory i nol langlish good. I see mi gurl frend in his home and i killde them dog. I ran over mi car over his dog. I dig dogs holl an put dog in it. Mi gurl frend cry but i nol tell her i killde his dog. Nol i fell bad. I lov his dog but nol his killde. Plese help mi how to tell mi gurl frend. I lern langlish but nol good. Sory. Roberto Foccacelli.

You nol good langlish, no? You fuckin frog eaten prick, come back when you can write. As for your dog you ate it didnt you. Tell your gurl frend when you are chock'a'block up her and she wont care.
Wow that language made me laugh. All I could picture was a dude with a big afro wig, a huge medallion round his neck and stood over a stinky hole with a spade in his hand. Awesome. In terms of help, just tell your gurl frend what happened in your native tongue. It'll be fine.

   
 
I was masterbating last night and my sister and her friend were workign on a school project. My sisters friend walked in and i came just as she looked at me. she didn't react how i expected but she just giggled and said she wopudlnt tell. i was embarresed as hell! i want to ask her out but after the little "incedent" i dont know if i should. any suggestions for how i could ask her?
wow. yet another home that was built with no locks on the doors.happens quite a lot from what i read on the internet
 

 
 

—{{{43}}}

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