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Back in 2005, yellowsnakepoet arrived on LJ with a sad story to tell: she had fallen in love with her best friend, Sarah, but she was afraid to say anything for fear of losing the friendship.
This is something that happens to almost everybody at one point or another, regardless of sexual orientation, and it's legitimately shitty. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS! However, as anyone who's suffered this problem knows, complaining won't make it go away, and sometimes you just have to take the chance.
The members of, a lesbian advice community that, as the name implies, is not in the habit of coddling whiners, initially offered practical advice and sympathy. Yellowsnakepoet rejected any suggestions that might require her to do something, and continued to post.
Just to give you an idea:
The comm members became annoyed and, frankly, creeped out at hearing every detail of yellowsnakepoet's confession of love to her friend, her rejection, the inevitable awkwardness and friendship breakup, the stalking, and her excruciatingly detailed and tl;dr accounts of her misery and loneliness. Predictably, they finally told her to -- wait for it -- SUCK IT UP, DYKE. She left in a huff.
Heartbroken, yellowsnakepoet moved on to posting in other communities about how bad she wanted to have sex with somebody -- anybody -- and how very lonely she was. Surprisingly, this did not result in anyone showing interest.
Her more notable flirting tactics included:
- Begging for random sex in
- Telling fellow bi people that they're all disgusting sluts, then wondering why she feels so alone
- Trolling personal journals of people who disagreed with her
- Yelling at people who make erotic icons because they made her feel ugly
- Acting like anyone who has sex is a pathetic weirdo to be pitied
- Asking how to make voodoo dolls and hurt people
- Whining about her lack of sex life completely out of nowhere
- Complaining that people didn't want to listen to her complain
She also comment-whored over at , but they didn't like her either.
Looking for some distraction from her eternal pain, yellowsnakepoet joined snark communities exist for making fun of people, except somehow yellowsnakepoet missed the memo and started berating everybody for being OMG MEEN., where members make fun of stupid posts in places like and . Everybody on LJ knows that
Records reveal that she suffered butthurt after one of her own posts ended in massive fail and she had to delete it.
Most notably, she went after lulz and win about someone's cluttered, fugly, Hello-Kitty-infested apartment. The ensuing drama was epic, with the original poster bringing in her boyfriend and several friends to defend her, and yellowsnakepoet felt she had to put in her two cents as well, accusing of classism and wishing karmic retribution upon her. The community responded with LOL.for making a post full of
—clockworktomato, for the motherfucking win
Still undaunted in her quest for sympathy and attention, yellowsnakepoet moved on to Poor skills, a land of blithering idiots who don't know how to pay their fucking bills. Common questions there include "how do I make money?" (lol, if anyone there knew they wouldn't be poor) and "do you have any recipes?" Surely, if any place would accept yellowsnakepoet, this had to be it.
(N.B.: All posts inare locked to prevent drama, LOL.)
As usual, she started out with some sob stories about how she was soon to become homeless because her family was abusive and she had no where else to go. Also as usual, people started out trying to help her, but it wasn't long before they realized she had no intention of listening to anything they said because she was there for pity, not advice. She couldn't afford a hostel or a hotel, she couldn't get a job, she couldn't stay on her college campus over break, and she couldn't stay with friends because she had no friends at all, not even one.
In an effort to prove how worthy of sympathy she was, yellowsnakepoet started bitching whenever the subject of buying things with money came up: the community had to know that she didn't have any money at all, and she didn't understand how people could ever buy beer or shoes or cheese when she was soooooo poooooooor. Lecturing people about how they spent their own money didn't go over well at all, especially since she refused to define an acceptable level of poverty.
Finally she managed to piss everyone off in a thread about car maintenance by butting in and asking how people knew about fixing cars, and when someone responded, responding "I'm actually poor, so I don't own a car." Everybody went WTF because you basically have to own a car in most places in the US just to survive, but she insisted that no one who was truly poor would be able to buy a car, because she's apparently never heard of Crazy Bob's High-Interest Auto Loans (good credit, bad credit, NO CREDIT, we say yes!) and so thinks you have to save up in your piggy bank for one, or something.
At this point, a reasonable person might have realized that she'd alienated the community beyond repair, but no one ever accused yellowsnakepoet of being reasonable, so she came back a week later asking for more homelessness advice because nobody gave her an answer she liked the first time. In the course of comments, members learned that she had gotten a job at a fast-food place, but she'd had to quit on the second day because it was too traumatic.
—yellowsnakepoet, who would apparently prefer sleeping in a dumpster
People gave up on her and started throwing out advice like "newspapers under your clothes will keep you warm" and "become a hooker, sex helps relieve stress." Others, drawing upon her history, had even better ideas:
Shortly after all this happened, yellowsnakepoet dropped off LJ, presumably to go sleep on the streets. However, just recently, she reappeared to complain about the unfairness of the world:
—yellowsnakepoet, making someone else's post all about her
LJ users with some knowledge of the site's workings, however, noted another interesting phenomenon: previously, yellowsnakepoet had been posting under the name "poetaserpamrlla," which is some bastardized compression of the Spanish for "yellowsnakepoet." Her previous posts under that name were now under "yellowsnakepoet," and links to her old username redirected to the new one. The only way to do this on LiveJournal is to buy a rename token for $15. Even better, she now had a paid account. Some argued that a friend might have given her the money, but others pointed out her repeated insistence that she had no friends who would do anything at all to keep her from being homeless -- so either her friends had some really fucked-up priorities, or Ms. Anyone Who Has Nice Things Isn't Poor had bought herself a LiveJournal account.
Hence, YSP is one of the strangest hypocrites ever recorded. Either that, or she stayed true to her heart and stole the money for the upgrades.
As: incessant whining is incessant
- 'It can't be normal to be always unhappy. Do you think never having sex and never being touched could have something to do with my constant bad mood? ... I wonder if I should be on medication.' on
- 'How do you deal with never having sex?' on
- 'I'm almost 25 and I've never had a relationship, never kissed...' on
- 'I am almost 25 and I have no partner and no friends! I am really upset. Please say something to make me feel better.' on
- 'Maybe this post won't be well received but I am almost 25 and more and more I am scared that I will be alone forever.' on
- Posts to live on in reached dramarama of the year status. Originals bahleeted by her highness, but the caps